Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago · 6 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Broken-thoughts & Hope for Human-onions

Broken-thoughts & Hope for Human-onions



We are like human onions

.. born into a hurting world ..

Our outer skin we show as pearled

But peel it back .. a netherworld

Many layers .. many fears

Many burdens .. many tears

Buried feelings .. hidden scars

Wounded hearts .. lives are marred

Some are bitter .. some are sweet

Some mistakes .. we oft repeat

To “know thyself” .. these layers peel

Through tears that come .. a layer heals

Another layer .. bare my soul

Do I really want to know?

Another layer .. do I dare?

Give me courage .. hear my prayer

See the HURT .. in darkness hides

See the walls .. I’ve built inside

See the lies I tell myself

How I practice inner stealth  

~ Fay Vietmeier “Human-onions”


“I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real

The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything” 

– Johnny Cash “Hurt


Why would someone hurt themselves?

How complex are the wounds we bear

Sometimes people seem beyond repair 

There are shadows and specters of hurt

Deep pain has a way of creating converts 

Dark detours that drag souls through the dirt 


Don’t be fooled by appearances on the outside                                                                      

Broken hearts & crushed spirits will aching amplify

Lies will dull your mind and fill your head with cyanide 

You become your own worst enemy and your life collides 

Dying on the inside .. a pit of self-loathing is where you abide 


There are many kinds of pits

For abundant living they are unfit


A “PIT” can be defined in many ways: from a hole in the ground, like a pothole .. all the way down to one that conveys a sense of hell: a place or situation of futility, misery, or degradation.

All “pits” are places of captivity. Filled with broken people: who are struggling, suffering .. tormented.                                     Personal devastation is a slow-burning fire that can last for years .. even decades of years.


Self-loathing is the twin of Self-hatred 

Both lead to Self-condemnation 

A constant risk: Self-harm 

BEWARE & Be aware


This is a serious subject to write about .. even more serious to live with.

A disclaimer: 

I’m not a Psychiatrist or Psychologist. Though I have studied human-behavior for many years.

I share from personal experience. I lived in a pit for many years. I offer hope through faith .. share my personal testimony. In my journey I was lifted out of a pit & brought into the Light.



This post is my “in the Light” reflection to Alan Geller’s “After Dark invitation” to share an “Interlude” 

Artist: Johnny Cash “Hurt”  .. Subject: Self loathing

What is self-loathing?

Self-loathing is extreme criticism of oneself. It may feel as though nothing you do is good enough or that you are unworthy or undeserving of good things in life.

According to Dr. Lisa Firestone and Joyce Catlett in the book Conquer your Critical Inner Voice, the causes of self-loathing lie in the past, when, as children, we were trying to cope with our lives in the best way possible. 

They explain: The nature and degree of this division within ourselves depends on the parenting we received and the early environment we experienced.

A truth: 

Hurting people .. hurt others.

“What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair” 

– Johnny Cash “Hurt”


Why are people full of “broken thoughts”  

We are fractal beings .. “broken” at birth

.. as we enter life upon this earth ..


Ring the bells that still can ring

Forget your perfect offering

There’s a crack in everything

That how the light gets in

~ Leonard Cohen from the song “Anthem”


                                                                                Human beings are “broken”


“Broken” in spirit: at the “fall of man” the “flesh” gained authority over the spirit 

.. thus, we live our lives governed by the “flesh”: oriented to self, governed by fleshly desires, ruled by externals and focused on the temporal 

.. unless or until we are “born of the Spirit” .. then our spirit comes alive to God’s Spirit

.. and thus, we become a “new creation” and we can begin to “walk by the Spirit” & be “led by the Spirit”

This spiritual “rebirth” begins the transformation & sanctification process.

We are transformed & spiritual growth occurs AS we cooperate with the Spirit of God .. the Holy Spirit can only do for us what we allow Him to do in us.


“Broken” in our physical body: as a result of the “fall of man” we age

.. we are afflicted by disease, life circumstances or events & the earth has become polluted & corrupted by man 

.. thus, we die


“Broken” in our soul (mind-will-emotions)

.. the thinking of man is corrupted when he rejects God’s laws & principles

.. the will of man rebels against God: through unbelief & doubt (including mocking)

.. without the wisdom of God: emotions & feelings govern behavior & actions .. “self”  governance opposes God

Since the beginning of creation: this “broken” condition has been passed from generation to generation. 

Human beings are born “broken” .. into a “broken” world system

.. out of this “broken” (sinful) condition flows everything that confirms our “broken” nature: 

Fear, selfishness .. wrong self-orientations: self-loathing, self-hatred, self-condemnation 

EVIL, lying, murder, pride .. GREED, rebellion .. then death (this is the short list)


“The Fractal State of Humanity” 



The war you don’t see ..  

At its root: self-loathing/self-hate is a spiritual condition

The evil one: who is called “the prince of this world”

Aka the “god of this age”  .. is ever-pouring poison

.. unknowingly souls drink this cup of DARKNESS  

.. it is a venom that produces SELF-LOATHING

.. which in turn .. becomes self-condemnation

“If you had a person in your life treating you the way you treat yourself, you would have gotten rid of them a long time ago” - Cheri Huber

A critical inner voice says “you are unworthy”

.. at times so subtle it is barely heard 

.. at times it will scold & berate you

.. from your true self .. to separate 

You are unable to fight back 

Left with feelings of inadequacy

You can fall into a pit of depression .. 

Self-blame is a flame that ignites shame

Might addictions be able to numb the pain

Cutting only leaves scars & blood is a stain

But the turmoil & condemnations still remain


For some ills .. there are no pills

No matter what the world unrelentingly advertises

Spiritual problems .. require spiritual cures.

The only cure for darkness .. is Light

The path to healing is a spiritual fight


Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I'm still right here

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself

I would find a way” – Johnny Cash “Hurt”


Jesus said: “I AM the Way” .. that is “Good News” !!!

If you decide to believe in Him & follow Him 

.. then you can  “start again”


Jesus also said “I Am Truth” .. God said: “Listen to Him.”

The voices inside your head that say you are “unworthy” are LYING to you.

As morning follows night .. in His light .. a new life will break through 


“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” - Jesus Christ 


A “believer” is "in Christ" at which point they have become a "new creation" 

They are a new entity, the same way that a newborn baby is a new person. 

The old person has gone away, and a new person has arrived.

2 Corinthians 5:17

“God has delivered me from going down to the pit and I shall live to enjoy the light of life.” 

“For with You is the fountain of life; In Your Light we see light.” - Psalm 36 & Job 33


Only God who is LOVE .. can teach you about Love & Light

Your heart will find the path to abundant Life & living right


See the Truth & be set free

Peel away these layers of me

In Your Light .. I can fully be

Being healed by knowing Thee




May 28th 2021

To your HONOR Alan Geller .. you ever INSPIRE 

This Week’s Submission: Hurt

Artist: Johnny Cash

Subject: Self-loathing





“Human-onions & Divine Art”






"In His Light" .. I write

All rights reserved:  Fay Marmalich-Vietmeier 

If my words make you think … Great ;~)

As “iron-sharpens-iron” … I enjoy bantering with other BEES … please know, your feedback is as “honey”

A glimpse of the “Bee” called “me” ;~)

My caring nature makes me an advocate. My curious nature makes me a “queen of questions” but gifted with the ability to listen ;~) I am a woman of deep faith, a blessed mother, a voracious reader, a blossoming writer, a grateful person, and a lover of beauty. I treasure family, true friendships & my loyal clients. A "student at heart, I love learning: in every human dimension. Enjoy traveling, good books, good movies, good wine gardening & golf. 

I’m a “heart-to-heart” communicator.





Like Share Comment

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #19

@Debasish Majumder 

I appreciate you so much Debasish 

Thank you for the sweet share 🍯🍯

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #18

@Debasish Majumder 

I appreciate you so much Debasish 

Thank you for the sweet share 🍯

Debasish Majumder

1 year ago #17

wonderful buzz @Fay Vietmeier ! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the buzz.

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #16

@Pascal Derrien 

Very True Pascal .. thanks for your visit here. You are one of the faithful bees 🐝

I know I carried mine 

The prayer is that we come to recognize what is in our suitcase that weighs us down .. thus holds us back. .. or we no longer need or want .. 

Pascal Derrien

1 year ago #15

Many of us carry a lot of baggage that we only appreciate or learn to get rid in of in the second or latter part of life  

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #10

@Cyndi wilkins .. I hope you are well .. 

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #7

@Farooq Omar 

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #4

John Rylance

1 year ago #3

A true onion of a piece Fay, layer upon layer of of thought provoking ideas.

It started me thinking of all the words we have to describe harming oneself.

Self- harm self-mutilation self-induced ( harm) self-abuse self-destructive self-destruction 

All of which are self-inflicted, and layers of the self-harm onion.

Its no surprise that peeling onions so often brings tears to our eyes.

Fay Vietmeier

1 year ago #2

@Javier 🐝 CR  .. sweet thanks to you & Team beBee 🍯for the forward progress of the new platform 

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