STONE IS STANDING BY FOR HIS PRESIDENTIAL PARDON

Roger Stone, the grand Trump trickster, was slapped with a 40-month sentence for being found guilty of seven counts of ‘very bad boy behavior.’ The recommended sentence by federal prosecutors for Stone was 7-9 years.

That was before Donald Trump had a twitter-rage and pout-fest about the unfairness of it all.

“Hell,” Stone told The Lint Screen, “they could have given me the death penalty or life in prison. Who cares? Trump is going to spring me any second.”

Stone has been a Trump ally and political consultant for years. Many say he may be the only person who is a bigger scumbag than the liar-in-chief.

“I know Trump better than anyone,” Stone bragged. “I know where the bodies are buried. The last thing he needs is someone like me flipping on him. Trump will play ball. He has to. I got him by the balls.”

Despite the judge’s sentence, Stone is not planning to attend jail.

“I’m not even packing a bag or a toothbrush. Why should I?” he crowed. “I already talked to Billie Boy Barr and he told me, ‘Laws are for chumps.'” Stone smiled his wicked grin and continued.

“I don’t do law and order. That’s fiction you see on TV. Screw that. I’ve got work to do. I’ve got to get Trump elected in November. We’re going to run on a platform of cleaning up corruption in America and draining the swamp. And who are better guys to do that than me and Donald J. Trump?”

With that, Stone opened his umbrella and flew away.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).