Lindsey says abortions are caused by "icky, disgusting acts"
Sen. Lindsey Graham lectures women about sex education.
The self-righteous bachelor recently proposed a national law banning abortions 15 weeks after conception. "If loose ladies can't control their lust-filled, wonton bodies, then the government will do the job for them," South Carolina Sen. Grahamtold The Lint Screen.
Graham believes all abortions are 100% preventable.
"The answer to the sticky wicket of abortion is easy," the smug weasel of a man said. "We need to limit the icky, disgusting acts that cause pregnancies. I'm talking about copulation between a man and a woman." Graham begins dry heaving and places his head over a wastebasket.
"I'm better now," he says, dabbing the corners of his mouth with his monogrammed silk handkerchief. "If people insist on performing this repulsive act, they must apply for a government license. The U.S. can get some significant revenue off of nude shenanigans. The critical thing is the government must control all sexual activities to control pregnancies and abortions."
Graham believes young men who have difficulty controlling their hormonal urges require special counseling.
"I am happy to help young, strapping men," the senator says, licking his lips. "Sometimes it takes a wise older man like myself to teach young bucks the ropes, applying hot oil to their ripped bodies. And if they are very naughty––bad, bad, nasty boys––I may have to use ropes to restrain them and apply strict discipline techniques I've developed over the years."
Graham puffs his chest like a banty rooster that is cock of the walk. "I think my approach to the abortion issue is the only one that makes sense. It's the only way to ensure freedom for our citizens."
————————————————————————
Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.
HumorArticles from Patrick Scullin
View blogTrump takes the Fifth Amendment over 450 times and says he doesn't "have to say nothing to nobody." ...
The Secret Service accepts no blames for missing texts on January 5, and 6, 2021. · Jim Fletcherson ...
The Big Boss wanted to hear why he shouldn’t be “King For All Time!!!” · This week’s January 6 Commi ...
Related professionals
You may be interested in these jobs
-
Hosts and Hostess
Found in: beBee S2 US - 4 weeks ago
Lupe Tortilla Missouri City, United States Full timeRestaurant Team Host Staff · Lupe Tortilla Mexican Restaurant Host Team $12 - $14/Hr. · We are looking for team members that enjoy and thrive in a fast paced, high energy environment. Must like working as a team, have a friendly demeanor and enjoy treating people like they were g ...
-
Part-Time Sales and Operations Associate
Found in: Lensa US P 2 C2 - 1 week ago
Ada Diamonds Inc New York, United States Part timeWe are seeking a part-time Sales and Operations Associate for our New York location. This is a unique opportunity to join a rapidly growing luxury jewelry startup. The role offers significant growth potential, competitive pay, and the joy of delivering stunning bespoke lab diamon ...
-
Senior Manager Platform Operations
Found in: Appcast Linkedin GBL C2 - 3 days ago
Tencent Bellevue, United StatesTencent Games: · Tencent Games was launched in 2003 and has since grown into a leading global platform for game development, publishing and operations. We are dedicated to providing high-quality interactive entertainment experiences to players and currently offer more than 140 ga ...
Comments