Patrick Scullin

1 year ago · 3 min. reading time · ~10 ·

Patrick blog
Scott: GOP is “All-in On Hershel’s Honesty, Character, And Morality”

Scott: GOP is “All-in On Hershel’s Honesty, Character, And Morality”

                                                            "Hershel is much more Christian than Rev. Warnock," claims Sen. Rick Scott.

Sen. Rick Scott of Florida, the chair of the National Republican Senatorial Committee and walking human penis, is coming to Georgia and offering his support and endorsement of mega-MAGA-daddy Hershel Walker, running for the Senate.

Walker, who at the latest count has four children he conveniently “forgot” he had, recently denied he paid one of his baby mamas for an abortion.

“I don’t know that woman,” he said. A few days later, when the woman texted his wife, Hershel said, “Oh, THAT woman. Okay, I think I know her. But I still never paid for an abortion.”

It recently was revealed the same woman says Hershel wanted her to get a second abortion. She had his child instead, who he ignored. Walker denies this, and Sen. Scott believes him.

“Women are making vicious attacks on a good Christian man,” Scott tells The Lint Screen. “He’s much more Christian than Rev. Raphael Warnock. Like me, Hershel believes Donald Trump is The Chosen One and is 100% anti-abortion. And he is as honest as the day is long. Like President Donald Trump, they are both respected me known for their honesty, integrity, and impeccable character. The rest of the world is out to get them––especially the godless evil Democrats who eat babies and groom children.”

Scott believes the Walker story is “yet another Democrat witch hunt,” which is entirely false. 

“The liberals run ads saying Hershel held a gun to his wife’s head,” Scott says. “I don’t buy it.” When it was explained the incident was in a book Walker wrote, Scott shrugs. “Maybe it was fiction. Who knows? The past is past. Let’s talk about the future.”

Scott believes Walker will make an excellent senator, and he’ll do whatever it takes to see him win the seat.

“Hershel will fit right in with us,” Scott says. “We have pillars of morality like Sen. Ted Cruz, Sen. Ron Johnson, Sen. Lindsey Graham, Sen. Josh Hawley, Sen. Mitch McConnell, Sen. Chuck Grassley, Sen. John Thune, and many more. These are men of courage, character, integrity, and honesty.” Scott becomes more animated and raises his pip-squeak’s voice.

“We will not rest until we put women in their place and tell people how to live a good white Christian life because we believe in freedom! The crazy atheist liberals are trying to ruin America. Today’s Republican Party stands strongagainst hypocrites. We must eliminate those who disagree with us.”

Scott furrows his brow, scrunching his weasel face.

“I’ll tell you the real shame about Hershel’s many, many kids,” he says. “None of them send their dear old dad a Father’s Day card or gift. The pack of miserable ingrate bastards. Why doesn’t the media talk about that?!”


Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.




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