Protests Erupt Over Bannon’s TLS Interview

The global offices of The Lint Screen were swarmed today by tens of thousands of angry protestors upset because the internationally renowned publication had interviewed unemployed Steve Bannon.

The tarnished former presidential advisor was foolishly hoping to get hired at The Lint Screen, a popular website known worldwide as “Where fake news gets real.”

“The editor felt sorry for Bannon,” an unnamed TLS staffer told this intrepid TLS reporter. “First, poor Steve got booted from the White House. Then, he got the bum’s rush out of Trump’s army of suck-ups. And now, Breitbart has thrown him to the curb like a spent Mickey’s Malt Liquor bottle. The guy’s as popular as herpes at the prom.”

“Bannon needs to stay the hell away,” said Peter Cessputin, a longtime TLS reader, and avid fan. “I like my Lint untainted, and Bannon, well, he’s nothing but a huge taint.”

“Breitbart is a joke,” said Paris Frunkey wearing an “I LOVE LINT” tee shirt. “Bannon’s slipshod journalism may fly over there, but The Lint Screen has a much higher standard.”

The Lint Screen security staff tried for hours to disperse the agitated crowd, then called The National Guard. Its soldiers used tear gas, rubber bullets, and nightsticks upside protestor noggins to scatter the mob and restore order.

And that, dear reader, is how you’re able to read this timely dispatch.

TLS forever! Mr. Bannon, we’ve heard McDonald’s is hiring — make some deliveries to The White House and that may get you back in the president’s good graces.

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).