Trump Thought Over 100 Secret Docs Were “Fan Letters”

                                                                               How could any idiot mistake these for “fan letters?”

Oh, that Donald J. Trump!

Since The Justice Department released the picture above of secret documents recovered in Mar-a-Lago on August 8, the disgraced twice-impeached ex-President has been scrambling to defend himself.

He has claimed the documents were planted by the FBI, were placed by “illegal aliens working housekeeping,” and “aliens from outer space who came to give me my nightly anal probes.”

But his latest excuse may be his best yet. He mistakenly thought the top secret documents were fan letters!

“I’m very popular,” Trump tells The Lint Screen. “People love me. Everyone loves me. I had the biggest inaugural crowd ever, I won re-election in the biggest landslide ever, and I get fan letters by the truckload daily. How was I supposed to know there were secret documents in the many, many piles of fan letters I get?”

Trump has taken to his lunatic fringe social media platform to defend his actions.

“Biden can’t stand that people love me so much,” Trump has said on Truth Social, the soon-to-be bankrupt social media grift he started months ago. “Old Joe is very jealous of me, so he stole my election, and now he is trying to plant evidence to make me look bad. SORRY––IT WON’T WORK, JOE!!!! I’m too smart! I have a very big brain: PERSON, WOMAN, MAN, CAMERA, TV!!! I have a perfect memory, like those big animals, you know the ones I’m talking about–– the huge things at zoos. Got four legs. They’re gray, and have excellent memories, like me.”

“Many people are very angry about this,” Trump says. “They say they’re going to riot, destroy everything, do many not-so-nice things if anyone tries to prosecute me for getting so much fan mail. Why is the government storing top secret documents in my home? That’s the question everyone should be asking. It’s very unfair what they’re doing to me. Biden had better back off, or there’s going to be trouble. Big trouble!”

Trump storms away in his wobbling way, farting crop dusters.

————————————————————————

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.