Horror In The White House; The Administration Is Terrified

We live in truly perilous and terrifying times.

As President Trump works overtime to make America great again, disturbing reports have surfaced that he is being haunted by a sinister demon.

"The president is an extremely brave man," sidekick Mike Pence said. "But he is being stalked by Satan himself. I'm so frightened that I swear I would gird my loins if that weren't a mortal sin."

Insiders say a ghost wearing eyeglasses with white hair and a comically large Yosemite Sam mustache is haunting the White House.

"This spirit is very angry," reported Sarah Huckabee Sanders. "He is out of control and trying to seduce the president into World War III."

"I saw him once and peed myself," said Donald Trump, Jr. as he shuttered recalling the terrifying incident.

"I can poop on the potty like a big boy," his brother Eric said proudly. "I hope I never see that evil ghost because I have gone almost three whole days without having an accident!"

White House security is on full alert to intercept and subdue the violent intruder before he causes harm.

"I don't know who would let a nutcase like that into my home," said President Trump. "But for protection and added security, I have Mike Pompeo stalking the halls with a shotgun. I think it will all turn out very good. We'll see what happens."

The world's most powerful man looked at his Oval Office rug and became agitated.

"Eric," he shouted. "Did you have an accident on my rug again?"

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).