DeSantis Not Worried–– "Florida Doesn't Have Many Seniors"

Many people questioned the wisdom of Florida’s Governor Ron DeSantis’s decision to keep beaches, bars, and restaurants open during spring break during a global pandemic.

Now, as the cases of COVID-19 and deaths begin to skyrocket nationwide, DeSantis still isn’t doing much about it.

“I’m not all that worried,” the governor said. “Apparently this virus is a bigger threat to seniors than us regular people, and, fortunately, Florida doesn’t have many seniors. I think we’ll survive this scare just fine.”

DeSantis is taking his lead from President Trump. “When the big fella issues a stay-at-home order, I’ll get in line,” the guv told The Lint Screen. “I know which side my bread is buttered, and I think the president is doing a phenomenal job of handling this. He really is the best president ever!”

The wily Republican sees how the game is being played when it comes to governors securing necessary supplies like personal protection equipment, ventilators, and refrigerated trucks for corpses.

“Stupid governors are trashing the president for the job he’s doing, so naturally, he’s going to make those states suffer. Me, I’ve done nothing but praise the stable genius–– he’s going to take care of me just fine. He knows I know how to play ball.”

DeSantis crosses his arms and leans forward. “But to tell the truth, I’ve been listening to Rush and watching a lot of Fox News, and I think this whole coronavirus thing is pretty overblown. It’s a conspiracy to make the president look bad. Then again, to quote our greatest president ever, ‘We’ll see what happens.'”

Yes, we will.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).