Your WTF? Moment with Your Spouse

You start to argue.

As soon as you feel the arg, in argue, you distance yourself from him or her.

I’m talking at the precise moment there is a difference of reality, your space between that person and you gets further apart.

Not your physical universe space.

Your personal space.

You are now in this “WTF?” Moment.

When you enter this WTF? Moment you are now out of present time.

And understand something.

Your partner is also in this WTF? Moment as regards you.

You are looking at them not as they are, but through your WTF? viewpoint.

See?

And they are doing the same with you.

You are thinking, “My husband is so full of shit sometimes, I cannot believe it.”

Or, “Geezus, Cindy always has to be right and can never see my point of view on things.”

And here’s the even crazier part.

You both continue to talk while you’re both in your respective “WTF? Moment.”

So let’s look at what’s transpiring.

You were communicating.

The communication derailed.

She does a WTF? with you and you do a WTF? with her.

Right?

So, in your respective heads your WTF? Moment as regards your partner is getting bigger, yes?

And the convo between you two is escalating emotionally, correct?

So, here you are with your arg, getting bigger, and in your mind your WTF? is getting bigger.

And guess which one wins?

Well actually, there is no winner.

What unfortunately happens is the reality break between the two of you feeds this monster called the WTF? Moment.

And since communication requires understanding, and there is no understanding, the convo train derails.

And as this convo train derails in slow motion, one or both of you are creating such a big WTF? about the other, that you will say, “Im done here,” or “I can’t talk to you,” or “I’m outta here.”

Right.

The WTF? Moment usurps your ability to stay in present time and get back into communication.

Now WTF Do You Do?

Most couples get so caught up in their own WTF? Moment about their partner, that it feels like they cannot right the train.

The WTF Moment has this apparent inertia of its own.

It gained steam because the conversation train derailed and all you were holding onto towards your partner was:

WTF???

See?

But the simplicity is this:

If you cannot become aware of being aware that you are being whisked off into a WTF? Moment like those flying monkeys whisking away Dorothy in the movie “The Wizard of Oz,” then you will join the monkeys.

Simple.

You can walk out. Slam a door. Give a cold shoulder. Pretend everything’s fine.

Go to bed in an emotional arctic freeze.

That is the land of Oz.

Like in Ozzie Osbourne.

However…

If you can become aware of being aware when you’re in this WTF? Moment, initially it will feel like you have no control.

That’s the first thing you need to spot.

And then you need to look at this simple truth:

Your WTF Moment was created by you, not your partner.

You put your own helium into to that balloon, and saying otherwise is mis--owning your own air and balloon.

Then, when you spot this you need to confront it is a runaway train.

See?

Look at it as it is.

And how do you stop this runaway conversation train?

You have to stop being right.

Yeah, I know.

But that’s the helium you gave it.

And see if your partner won’t stop his or her WTF? runaway train, then you’re both going to have one of these awkward ignore-each-other-pleasant-smiles bullshit weekends.

So, just take the air out.

The runaway train is a co-train.

It was a convo between the two of you.

Just reach up an pull on that emergency alarm chain inside the train to stop that baby.

When you do, you can stop the madness. 

You can.

Control comes before communication.

You have to first be there to communicate.

And then you can get your conversation train back on the rails.

But see hardly anyone ever comes out of their self-induced WTF? Moment to do this.

Each person is too busy being right.

And please tell me...

WTF is so important about being right when your convo train is derailing?

I mean…