TRUMP DECLARES ANYONE WHO QUESTIONS HIM AS TREASONOUS

Donald Trump is not known for his ego. Most would describe the president as shy, mild-mannered, or, intellectual.

But this understated egghead has had enough of people questioning him.

Trump recently announced an executive order that will charge anyone who disagrees or questions him “to be an enemy of the state and therefore treasonous.”

The penalty for treason is death!

“The president is tired of being mister nice guy,” Rudy Giuliani, Trump’s personal attorney told The Lint Screen. “He is the chosen one, the one God put here on earth to solve the world’s problems. So naturally, anyone who questions him questions God–– and should be cast to hellfire! What else can we do? Are we supposed to argue with our maker? Members of the fake media had better fall in line toot sweet.”

Giuliani, a shy and retiring man himself, believes doubters must be eliminated.

“Look, life is easy when you agree with all-knowing powers,” Rudy said. “Why would anyone ever doubt Donald J. Trump? The man has spent his entire career as a pillar of society. He has a moral compass second to none. Ethics are his middle name.”

Mr. Giuliani continued his chore of licking the president’s wingtips and was heard muttering, “You’re the best boss. The absolute best.”

The president smiled. Perhaps he would save the bald ex-mayor’s life.

Perhaps.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).