Sean Spicer’s Replacement Announced

Jules is known for his uncanny ability to communicate without words.

Washington is abuzz with the announcement White House press secretary Sean Spicer will be stepping aside and mime “Jules” will be replacing him.

“Sean did a great job,” White House spokesman, Andy Lomack told The Lint Screen. “He will be sorely missed, but we think he can serve better serve this administration by scrubbing the fleet of Presidential vehicles. With Summer heating up, the number of bugs smashed into the windshields and grills of cars and SUVs is absolutely incredible. But we’re sure Sean’s the man to get the vehicles looking like new. Spicey just needs to apply some good old-fashioned elbow grease and American know-how!”

Lomack had little to say about Jules and his background or qualifications. “The President speaks for himself through Twitter, and the role of press secretary is pretty much for show only. Nonetheless, we’re confident Jules will do a great job!”

Jules then came to the podium and pantomimed a man trying to walk into a severe wind. The amused press corp gave polite applause.

Then, Jules pretended to be trapped in a small box. Was this a metaphor for the mime assuming a no-win position as press secretary, or, was it a sly statement on Jared Kushner’s effort to achieve peace in the Mideast?

Finally, the mime pretended to pull a rope. His arms strained visibly as he tugged and tugged. Was this a comment on the United States striving as it goes it alone in world affairs?

The press corps gave the quiet man a standing ovation and cheered.

One thing is certain, White House press conferences will be more informative and entertaining with Jules.

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO).

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).