David B. Grinberg

6 years ago · 4 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Memo to Men: Help Stop Sexual Harassment

Memo to Men: Help Stop Sexual Harassment

DOUBLE ISSUE

Let’s face it men: more of us need to “man-up” by proactively helping to end the scourge of sexual harassment. We must collectively stop being the main cause of the problem and start being part of the solution.

This means standing up and speaking out to support women. This also means swiftly shaming and punishing male perpetrators for their despicable deeds.

Time magazine recently named a group of women – called the “Silence Breakers” -- as their Person of the Year for 2017. These courageous women represent countless thousands who are breaking their silence in record numbers and sharing their stories about being sexually victimized by malicious men.

Yet it's simply outrageous that even in today's modern 21st century workplace and society there are men who sport a Stone Age mentality of treating women as second class citizens.

Too many men still see sexual harassment as nothing more than a laughing matter. But there’s nothing funny about it.

Time Editor-in-Chief Edward Felsenthal wrote the following about the “Me Too Movement”: "This is the fastest-moving social change we've seen in decades, and it began with individual acts of courage by hundreds of women, and some men, who came forward to tell their own stories of sexual harassment and assault."

Now it’s time for more men to follow in the footsteps of the “Silence Breakers” by breaking their own silence about right and wrong. This is especially important considering that decades of voluntary employer training, policies and procedures to prevent workplace sexual harassment have too often proven ineffective.

Men are fathers, sons, brothers and boyfriends of women and girls. As such, we have an inherent social and moral responsibility to forcefully address this issue. How? By sending an unequivocal message to other men that sexual harassment will no longer be tolerated, period!

Male Silence Breaker

Terry Crews is a male actor in Hollywood who was one the few men in his industry to initially support women in the crusade to end sexual harassment. Time included him among the “Silence Breakers” as Person of the Year. Part of his motivation was allegedly being sexually harassed himself, albeit by another man.

This type of male-on-male conduct is known as “same-sex harassment” and has been ruled unlawful by the Supreme Court under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act (which prohibits sex discrimination, including sexual harassment).

According to Time, “Crews realized that men had a responsibility to lend credence and support to these women’s claims. Almost without thinking through the consequences, Crews tweeted out his own story; in his viral series of tweets, he became one of the first men to join the chorus of women speaking out about harassment.”

Crews clearly understood why “it’s imperative that men advocate for women’s rights,” as Time wrote.

“I was really angry because these women were being discounted. These women were being discarded. Their pain was just—it was nothing…these women know they weren’t alone." -- Actor Terry Crews

He continued: “And that I understood. My whole mission was to give them strength. Don’t accept the shame that people are giving you. Because that’s what it was. They were being shamed. They were being victimized again. I just couldn’t stand for it.”

Crews deserves accolades for his bold and beneficial actions. More men must be put on notice that sexual harassment will not go unnoticed. The bottom line, as stated by Crews: “Men need to hold other men accountable.”

He explained, “I came up in the cult of masculinity, in football and the sports world and entertainment. You’re in places and guys are saying the wildest thing. People need to be called on that. You need to be held accountable for the things you say, the things you do.”

~
\&2
Ba

3-Point Message

All men need to be more mindful about the sexual harassment epidemic and “man-up” to end it. Again, this means speaking out both publicly and behind the scenes to other men, particularly those prone to committing such shameful behavior which ultimately gives all men a bad name.

Therefore, men of good conscience and goodwill should stop staying silent. Rather, more men should vociferously shame sexual harassers and more employers should take stronger actions to proactively prevent hostile environments for working women.

Those men who need to speak out most include CEOs and public figures of all industries. It’s imperative that powerful men with national name recognition lead by example.

Male leaders in corporate America, government, media and entertainment should set the tone from the top-down. That’s because only when powerful men start forcefully speaking out in defense of female victims, and against their male perpetrators, will the stubborn work culture regarding sexual harassment truly change.

In fact, it’s long overdue for more men to take responsibility by standing in allegiance with women. Everyone should know that violating the statutory rights of women in the workplace will no longer be tolerated in any industry under any circumstances.

Moreover, “Zero Tolerance” needs to be more than just empty rhetoric. It’s not enough for HR officials and mid-level management to highlight employee handbooks periodically, if at all, and then put those written policies and procedures on a shelf to gather dust. Rather, such employment policies and procedures to prevent sexual harassment need to be revised and reiterated, as well as buttressed by annual or semi-annual training.

But employers alone cannot be counted on to end this persistent problem. That’s why more men should send the following three-point message to their co-workers, colleagues, subordinates, friends and family:

1) Sexual harassment is a cowardly and reprehensible act.

2) Any man who sexually violates the rights of women will be swiftly called out, ostracized and humiliated in public by their male colleagues.

3) Not only will lewd behavior towards women no longer be condoned or ignored, but neither will retaliation and casting blame on victims.

79bcb060.jpgFinal Thoughts

Put simply, men of high moral character should shame men of weak moral character into being gentlemen. This means valuing and respecting women in the workplace and every other place.

As men, we must recall that victims of sexual harassment are our wives, mothers, daughters and sisters. Further, it must be understood that unwanted sexual advances toward women go well beyond the following, which are unjustifiable and cowardly excuses for bad behavior:

  • It's just lurid “locker room” conduct/talk,
  • It's just an immature attitude of horseplay, or
  • It's just a juvenile “boys will be boys” mentality.

A real culture shift to end sexual harassment entails a real mind shift among men.

Any long-lasting cultural change means it must become embedded within the norms, values and moral fabric of society that sexual harassment is uncool, unseemly, unlawful and un-American.

Men must come forward and prove that old-fashioned chivalry is not dead and, just as importantly, that morals and values really mean something.

Women in the workplace must always be held in the highest regard, from the C-Suite to the factory floor and everywhere in between.

Men must help draw a vivid line at work and elsewhere clarifying the specific behaviors and boundaries that are socially acceptable toward women, versus those that are sordid and salacious.

And the sooner this begins the better for America because women deserve no less.

DBG

Related Reading

________________________________________________________________________________________

19c26d02.jpgABOUT THE AUTHOR: David is a former national spokesman for the U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), which enforces federal law against sexual harassment in the workplace. He's currently a strategic communications consultant and beBee Brand Ambassador based in the Washington, DC-area. In addition to beBee, you can find David buzzing on LinkedIn, Twitter and Medium.    


Comments

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #7

#34
There millions of men like me Pamela \ud83d\udc1d Williams but we are hidden because a small percentage of asshole govern a large percentage of attention. There are also millions of women like me also, who do not live in the echo chamber of branded views nor even engage online, but happen to live quiet lives of dignity and respect. That we give them the title "ordinary folk" simply keeps them in the silent majority, but these people outnumber those who exercise power over you and me. The fact that power draws on legacies that go back several centuries appears to be the abject reality but it is not an abject future, if we represent a different reality. If we choose to focus on voices that hold the attention of short-term mindsets and today's news, then that attention will hide us from seeing the millions that are like me and like you. Don't get caught up in the headlights of the rabbit media, look beyond the light and you will see real light.

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #6

More information from the U.S. EEOC: Facts About Sexual Harassment in the Workplace https://www.eeoc.gov/eeoc/publications/fs-sex.cfm "Sexual harassment is a form of sex discrimination that violates Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Title VII applies to employers with 15 or more employees, including state and local governments. It also applies to employment agencies and to labor organizations, as well as to the federal government. Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitute sexual harassment when this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance, or creates an intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment. Sexual harassment can occur in a variety of circumstances, including but not limited to the following: The victim as well as the harasser may be a woman or a man. The victim does not have to be of the opposite sex. The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, an agent of the employer, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or a non-employee. The victim does not have to be the person harassed but could be anyone affected by the offensive conduct. Unlawful sexual harassment may occur without economic injury to or discharge of the victim. The harasser's conduct must be unwelcome. It is helpful for the victim to inform the harasser directly that the conduct is unwelcome and must stop. The victim should use any employer complaint mechanism or grievance system available."

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #5

Many thanks to all for sharing your important insights below, which are most appreciated. A few comments focused on the definition of sexual harassment. Thus, following is information from the U.S. EEOC about what constitutes workplace sexual harassment in America: https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm "It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general. Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex. Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted). The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer."

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #4

In comment #11 I talked about protecting a young girl because I was her boss but what I have not talked about is the normalization of sex in the workplace. Sexual harassment forms one part of that context and it is all about context. A big part of that conversation is whether we live our life in innuendo's and high and mighty statements of morality or we get real about the reality of sex in the workplace. Right now sexual harassment is in the news cycle and it is the story of the moment, but much of this will largely inform the here and now. As a society where short-term thinking is our predominant curse and where moving onto the next thing shows us how woven and tied we are to the news cycle, we either have a mature conversation about this and even more important a maturing self-reflection - or we continue in the cyclical manner that resembles a person of year Times article. There is a shift that this conversation and focus in 2017 will have on how we relate to sexual harassment but it does not change the fundamental underbelly of organizational life where hypocrisies about sex abound and if we cannot handle conversations about sexuality without political correctness as the bandaid then we are no further along as a society about being "sexually intelligent". Why do we focus on "Emotional Intelligence"? We focus on it because it became a "subject" but we are largely not anymore emotionally intelligent simply because a couple of years ago we were talking about EQ. How can we be when right now our society is being exposed for NOT being sexually intelligent. "Sexual Intelligence" is more important than EQ !!! Read also this article from Cindy Gallop http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/cindy-gallop-want-to-get-ahead-at-work-its-all-about-sex/ and we will know just how far we are from a society that is less hypocritical and more comfortable in our skin.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #3

In comment #11 I talked about protecting a young girl because I was her boss but what I have not talked about is the normalization of sex in the workplace. Sexual harassment forms one part of that context and it is all about context. A big part of that conversation is whether we live our life in innuendo's and high and mighty statements of morality or we get real about the reality of sex in the workplace. Right now sexual harassment is in the news cycle and it is the story of the moment, but much of this will largely inform the hear and now. As a society where short-term thinking is our predominant curse and where moving onto the next thing shows us how woven and tied we are to the news cycle, we either have a mature conversation about this and even more important a maturing self-reflection - or we continue in the cyclical manner that resembles a person of year Times article. There is a shift that this conversation and focus in 2017 will have on how we relate to sexual harassment but it does not change the fundamental underbelly of organizational life where hypocrisies about sex abound and if we cannot handle conversations about sexuality without political correctness as the bandaid then we are no further along as a society about being "sexually intelligent". Why do we focus on "Emotional Intelligence"? We focus on it because it became a "subject" but we are largely not anymore emotionally intelligent simply because a couple of years ago we were talking about EQ. How can we be when right now our society is being exposed for NOT being sexually intelligent. "Sexual Intelligence" is more important than EQ !!! Read also this article from Cindy Gallop http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/work/cindy-gallop-want-to-get-ahead-at-work-its-all-about-sex/ and we will know just how far we are from a society that is less hypocritical and more comfortable in our skin.

CityVP Manjit

6 years ago #2

Just over 30 years ago as a young fledgling manager I encountered my first sexual harassment situation when I saw a 19 year old girl who reported to me not her usual self, though she was not trying to draw attention to anything - I could see something had upset her and so I told her that I was concerned that she was quiet and that I felt that she had something on her mind. She decided to confide in me and told me that what upset her was another manager in the building who had made comments to her which upset her which were of a sexual suggestive nature. I was pretty clear to her that I found such comments unacceptable but what I told her to do is draw the line by facing him and letting him know that his comments were injurious and hurtful and that she did not appreciate sexually suggestive comments. I told her that if he apologizes then she will have asserted herself and secured her rights as a human being on her terms, and also build up the self-confidence to be as assertive for any such situations in the future. At the same time I told her that if he either ridiculed her or did not take responsibility for his words, then the next step is me stepping in and engaging him with repercussions should he be that stubborn. In other words she could assert herself knowing that I had her back and that by taking the first step she would be able to know what to do when people were being inappropriate. This was not a girl who was making up a story to target a manager in the company, this was someone I knew as a really great hearted person. Yes she was beautiful also but that did not give anyone the right to treat her like their object. That was a very good day and she grew up to be an excellent work colleague, then a wife and a mother. The things we do can change a life.

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #1

#1
Thank YOU, Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador, for being the first to comment. I appreciate your valuable feedback, as always. cc: Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee

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