MAN ENTERS METAVERSE, GETS TRAPPED IN ENDLESS POWERPOINT PRESENTATION

                                  He thought he was stepping into the future, then came the shocking truth!

Derek Crayton had read a lot about the Metaverse and its promise of an exciting virtual utopia, so he decided to experience it for himself. But instead of heaven, he discovered his definition of hell––being forced to sit through an endless PowerPoint Presentation.

“I thought the Metaverse was supposed to be one of the greatest features of technology,” Crayton told The Lint Screen. “I was pumped for the possibilities. I strapped on my VR headset, built my avatar–– I was a dragon with ballerina legs smoking a Sherlock Holmes pipe wearing a Detroit Tigers cap backward. I looked really cool, and I began strutting my stuff in the Metaverse. I was ready for adventure!”

What happened next is frightening, and if you are prone to panic attacks or hyperventilation, you should read no further.

“An avatar named Jerry suddenly appeared,” Crayton says. “He was wearing this cheap suit and a loud necktie. Jerry grabbed me and led me into a conference room. He sat me in a chair, and the next thing I knew, I was strapped to the chair with this device on my neck, forcing me to look straight ahead at this large screen. Then, my worst nightmare happened.”

Crayton begins sobbing as he recounts his horrific experience.

“Jerry started taking me through a PowerPoint presentation,” Crayton said, wiping tears from his face. “It was all about this timeshare opportunity he was selling. He said it was incredible–– I could stay at the best properties in the Metaverse for a fraction of the regular price. Jerry was a close-talker. He had terrible breath–– it smelled like garlic, sardines, and a dirty litter box. His voice droned on and on.”

The anguished man stops, his lips trembling, then Crayton continues.

“Just when I thought the presentation was over, Jerry had more slides,” Crayton says. “There were slides with lots of bullets, slides with one large word like ‘OPPORTUNITY’ and ‘VALUE’ and ‘AMAZING,’ and slides that had way too many words on them to read. But Jerry read every last damn word. He kept going. The Powerpoint was endless. I tried to escape, but I couldn’t. He started talking about MAGA Nation, and how Trump was cheated. The only way out was to sign a contract. After 31-grueling-hours, I finally broke. I gave Jerry my John Hancock on a timeshare contract.”

Crayton rubs his red eyes. “I couldn’t take it. I was weak. And now I’m losing money in a make-believe world. I feel like such a goddamn fool.”

Like Mark Twain famously said, “Virtual reality sucks.”

————————————————————————

Enjoy PD Scullin’s debut novel “SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus,” a humorous romp across America with a circus in the early ’80s. Also available in audiobook. Click here for a helluva fun ride. Buckle up and go.