Lack of Self-Confidence is a Myth, What Happened to Lindsay, and Why Elvis Left The Building

We will get to what the hell happened to Lindsay in just a minute.

But you will first need to grab your coffee and strap yourself in for this one.

This is Math 101 on steroids.

Math?

I know, right?

But if you read all the way through and don't bolt class, you will find out what happened to Lindsay.

And Elvis.

And you will see, believe it or not, how math solves where both Lindsey and Elvis went. 

But to get to those mysteries, you need a brush up on Math.

So, we'll start with a topic that I run across with clients for our first problem in math.

The Myth of Lack of Self-Confidence:

People on this planet have this misconception about this whole “lack of self confidence” thing.

How do you have a lack of something you already have?

I know.

It’s like one of those friggin’ brain teasers.

Here comes the math.

You have quarters and dimes in your purse or pants pocket.

That’s something you have.

Then unbeknownst to you your kid took your change out of your purse or pocket.

As you're parking your car to go to the coffee shop, you reach for your change to put in the parking meter.

You're like WTF happened to my change??

Yeah. You are experiencing the lack of.

It totally sucks.

But you cannot experience lack of unless you had the first condition.

You had coins.

Ever experience lack of oxygen?

You know, swimming in the ocean and you went under a wave and you know you need to get to the surface pretty quick?

Or, you’re just playing as kids holding your breath and you begin to experience your lungs and brain screaming at you to get your ten-year old ass up for air?

See, the first condition was having oxygen.

The first condition of anything is the thing itself.

I know this sounds like some kind of Obi Wan Kenobi shit.

But hang in there with me on this. 

Ever come down the stairs as a kid on Christmas morning thinking there was going to be a bike under the tree and there wasn’t?

Yeah. Lack of.

Weirdest sensation ever.

But, only because you were already riding that super awesome bike in your mind. You already had  it.

You couldn’t experience the loss of something unless you already had it.

Even if you only created it in your mind.

I know. It’s just fucking weird.

“But I’ve had a lack of confidence my whole life.”

Really?

You mean even in the womb?

Where it was all cozy and shit?

You had a good gig in there, right?

I mean you got nourished 24/7 in your sweet Mama Condo.

I think the only thing I can recall back when I was in the womb, was not digging some external sounds like that damn vacuum cleaner my Mom would run.

Fuck that thing was loud.

And then my Mom being about 8 months pregnant with me, bangs her shin on the coffee table and yells “Godfuckingdammit.”

I think that’s where I got my f-mouth when I write.

But when she played music and talked to me?

I don’t know about you but those were some of the nicest times ever.

I was pretty dang confident then.

So, let’s see...maybe after you were born you started having experiences where someone was doing uncool things to you or was telling you negative crap.  

So, let’s just say you started out with confidence.

Just you as you.

No “tire treads” across your soul until you entered the world.

And to get a visual on this, I want you to create a blackboard or chalkboard in your mind right now and draw a big circle on it.

And let’s say this circle represents You. Like this: O

And then let’s say you ran into people and experiences in life that were like getting kicked in the shins mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

You know, kids and family and friends doing or saying negative stuff.

And each time someone did or said something negative we put a tiny black DOT on that circle, got that?

Alright. Now let’s cue some experiences where you were told:

You are stupid. You’re ugly. You’ve got four eyes. You’re not cool jock in High School. You are not as smart as your sister.

You are dumb as shit. You’re a loser.

Dot. Dot. Dot. Dot. Dot. 

So your circle should look like you have the measles.

Okay, so the ORIGINAL CONDITION of just YOU as the circle is still there, yes?

But, what’s been ADDED TO YOU has TAKEN AWAY some of the circle, correct?

So...let’s see. There would be less space inside the circle, yes?

Crap!

Is this why people are always saying they “need more space?”

More on that later.

But if there was less space which is YOU, you would have less confidence,  Hmmmm?

BUT THE LESS CONFIDENCE IS A RESULT OF ADDITION.

WTF?

You never “lost” any confidence.

That’s the lie.

It’s the same thing when your cell phone rings from across the room and you KNOW IT’S CINDY. Your thought just before answering is, "I know that’s Cindy,”  and sure enough it is when you pick up hear her voice.

Of course you KNEW.

KNOWINGNESS IS THE ORIGINAL CONDITION.

That you did NOT KNOW is hide-n-go seek with yourself.

CONFIDENCE IS THE ORIGINAL CONDITION.

The lie is that you LACK CONFIDENCE.

I’m sorry.

But all that’s happened to you is you have experiences that have been ADDED TO YOU to give you a FALSE CONDITION you now feel you have to remedy.

If the circle example above is too simple, then here’s another example.

Fill a glass full to the top with water.

That’s you. That’s your self-confidence.

How do you add  more water?

You don’t need more water.

I hate to go all Bruce Lee on you, but you are the water.

If someone added chlorine into the water, then you’d have a problem with drinking that water.

Because that’s more ADD.

However, if you SUBTRACT the chlorine you’re back to being Bruce Lee.

If I have a chance to add Bruce Lee into my writing, fuck it. I’m adding.

Oh...and one more simple piece of math that people often overlook:

Lack of self confidence is a condition in your mind.

So if its a condition in your mind, it can be resolved with the mind, right?

I mean, if you made a stew and people said there was too much salt  in the stew you could remove or subtract  the salt and the stew would be better, correct?

The problem with the stew is in the stew.

That’s pretty simple math, yes?

So what if your “lack of self-confidence” was simply a problem in subtraction?

You know, let’s say there was a process by which you could SUBTRACT all those damn dots?

If we subtracted all the dots we would have what?

Go ahead...you know the answer.

That's right. 

You would have:

YOU. 

And?

CONFIDENCE.

WE WOULD HAVE THE ORIGINAL CONDITION.

Okay, well that seems like it makes more sense.

To subtract what’s been added to you so you can get back to YOU.

I promise this is not one of those weird-ass equations you see on Facebook to fuck with your mind about addition.

See, this culture just loves to add more  motivation and memes and quotes and Wheaties and eye make-up and all kinds of shit to make you feel more you.

Trust me.

Eating Wheaties only made me fart.

Alright, let’s take a real life example that happens to just about everyone walking around on this planet.

Let’s do some addition and subtraction with your relationship or marriage.

Or better yet, I’ll use Mark and Ginger. Real life clients of mine. With their names changed.

Because you know, some of their their dots are R-rated.

When I coach couples, they will say they have “grown apart.” The wife often says the intimacy is lacking. The husband will say their sex life is not as great as it use to be.

Well, just envision that circle you drew above and make another one right next to it. You know, like this: O O

Now, let’s say Mark is on the left and Ginger on the right.

You can play along in your mind with your own partner if you like.

Now, when Mark and Ginger first meet, there's great communication, intimacy, romance, great sex, fun, etc.

But somewhere on this relationship road they each add some negative things to their relationship.

Now, as you read below what Mark and Ginger added, visualize in your mind these two circles, O O, getting riddled with black dots.

Someone inadvertently adds a lie. Someone adds betrayal of trust.

Someone adds hiding the receipt to their expensive shoes.

Someone adds another expensive golf club and hides it in their golf bag.

Both add secrets from each other.

Both add misunderstandings.

Both add distance.

Yeah. I think intimacy and one’s sex life would take a hit and be less than great if all of the above were added. 

You just might be too tired to be intimate or add sex to your evening, right?

Time to sit down and add  some TV.

No?

Are you cuddling on the couch instead?

No?

Fucking dots.

The problem in any relationship is not that you have “grown apart.”

That’s the biggest added lie of all.

The problem is each person has in some way transgressed against the agreements or integrity of their relationship.

Don’t worry. I’m not getting religious on you.

See, transgress comes from two words:

Latin: trans = “across or beyond " + gradi = “to walk or go.”

So when you transgress, you are walking or going beyond the agreements you’ve made as a couple.

Couples who break agreements or do things that add  these hidden actions and think their relationship or circles will stay clean, are hallucinating.

I know that may be harsh. But hey, Math is hard sometimes.

You cannot add things that violate or go beyond the agreements of the relationship.

If you find this difficult to grasp, I’ll make it even easier:

Visualize these two circles of Mark and Ginger with all their collective dots.

Now, they are fighting like cats and dogs.

One or both want a divorce.

So, Pop Quiz:

When they are fighting, is that the dots speaking?

Or the space speaking?

People only fight about dots.

Even more truth?

The dots are the fight.

The truth is when you get two people together who love each other and get them to admit or cough up the their black dots about these added secrets or transgressions, they are SUBTRACTING those black dots from themselves and their relationship.

See?

This was the original purpose behind confession.

It was a way of subtracting those black dots from your soul.

You have never witnessed anything quite like two people who love each other and while on the brink of divorce, begin truly communicating about those things that they withheld from one another.

And by doing so, they subtract all that was hidden and fall back in love again.

Subtraction is an aphrodisiac like no ones business.

Listen:

If you understand this concept of turbulent or upsetting experiences being added to you, your spouse, or friends, pretty soon the circles become so full of dots the circles become black.

And that’s when you see people disappear.

(Pay attention now...the mystery of Lindsay and Elvis are coming up...)

You will see this with colleagues, friends, and family.

What you are witnessing is a slow eclipse of the person you know.

Oh, they’re living their “successful lives,” but on Labor Day out by the barbecue, Ginger is on her third glass of Pinot Noir and tells you she’s thinking about divorcing Mark.

WTF??

What happened to cheerful loving Mark and Ginger?

They added social smiles to those dots because that’s all they knew how to do.

Those circles representing their spirit or love for each other are suffocating.

And no amount of Nike slogans or Chanel commercials can vanquish the misdeeds and dots strangling this marriage.  

And some people you talk to will tell you about their successful business, but then reveal to you over a beer and a hot dog how unhappy they are.

Yeah. 

That’s because when we all learned addition and subtraction we weren’t taught that you cannot add something to a problem and get a vanquishment to that problem.

I know.

It’s a brain twister, isn’t it?

And this last part is going to make your Math Brain hurt a bit more.

But class is almost over so bear with me.

The only thing you need to add to any problem is Understanding.

Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave...where the hell you going with this?

Stay with me...

If you add enough Understanding, the problem will disappear.

From car engines to marital discord.

I know. It’s weird.

THE ONLY THING YOU CAN ADD THAT ALSO SUBTRACTS IS UNDERSTANDING.

TOTAL UNDERSTANDING VANQUISHES ALL PROBLEMS.

IT’S ACTUALLY THE ORIGINAL MAGIC.

It is why you and I as kids (and even as adults) are so amazed at magic tricks.

It’s the ultimate in subtraction.

We see the elephant added  to the stage.

And then with a whisk of a curtain they make it disappear.

The magician somehow subtracts  the elephant.

And we all sit glued to the stage or screen at what we just saw and try to “understand” where the elephant went.

We don’t understand it because it was subtracted.

How do you understand something that is not there to understand?

Ever lost your keys and were just so pissed off as to where they were that your mind just morphs into Ivan the Terrible?

But when you find your keys beneath a couch cushion, what happens to that “elephant” sitting on your head called “lost keys?”

Exactly.

IT GOES POOF.

Because you have understanding.

Understanding subtracted the “problem of missing keys.”  

Okay, one last math problem. I promise.

This is for all the parents out there.

I know some of you have persevered through the Black Plague called Common Core Math, but trust me, this is way, way easier:

You don’t understand what has changed about your teenager until you find out he or she added smoking marijuana that then subtracted  the son or daughter you knew.

See?

It’s a different look.

Ever see the Parent Trap with Lindsay Lohan?

Finally!! We get to the mystery of Lindsay!

You see her bright and shiny on the left.

On the right you have what?

Added to.

How about early Elvis?

And Elvis near the end.

He had so much added to he got subtracted from our lives.

I know math hits some deep nerves with many people but really, it’s just too much addition and not enough subtraction.

Okay, final wrap-up on today’s math class.

These dots represent experiences in your mind. They can be admonishments. They can be secrets. They can be the Wrath of Khan.

It doesn’t matter what  they are.

It only matters that  they are.

And each day I work with people to help them confront that they have these added things. 

Yet often when I suggest they work with me to subtract  them, many will choose to keep their dots.

I know. It’s weird, right?

Well the real reason people hate math is this:

In order to add anything to you as an immortal spiritual being, you had to agree to it. 

You had to be there and accept or invite or agree.

I know. It’s why people take Scuba 101 instead of Math 101.

But look: If you leave your front door open and a wasp flies in and stings you, you can get all jacked-up because of the wasp. Or "Who left the door open?!!

The truth is there is no sting unless there’s an entrance into the circle.

It’s your house.

And it’s your door.

And when you don’t accept full responsibility  for that, guess what you get?

Yep.

Those Delightful Dancing Dots.

They are an accumulation of how you let those bad bugs bite.

But the coolest thing ever is you can get rid of every single one.

And I’ll be honest.

It takes courage.

You have to have courage to confront the things both added to you and the things you have added that have made your life more dots and less circle.

Arnold  Schwarzenegger added some pretty atrocious behavior and it ended up subtracting his marriage.

You would think one and all would want to confront the actions they’ve done and subtract them, right?

Unfortunately, I have found that many just do not like this math.

Rrrrrrrrriiiiinnnngg!!!!!!!!!!!

I hear the bell.

Dang.

Math class with Obi Wan and Bruce Lee was kinda fun today.

I will leave you with this:

I administer a test that actually shows you the EXACT areas in your life where you have accumulated the most dots over your entire life.

The test and the evaluation are completely free. 

The test nails what’s happening in your personal life.

It nails what’s happening in your marriage or relationship.

It nails what’s going on in your career.

It’s crazy accurate.

It delivers what Wheaties could not.

And what I do is I help people learn how to remove those dots.

They recover their confidence.

Their businesses expand.

Their marriages don’t need added weekend retreats.

Because they recover the love that was blitzkrieged by too many dots.

I teach subtraction.

It’s the new math.

I offer a free 30 minute consultation over the phone to discuss any issues you have that you feel might be blocking your personal or business success.

There is no pitch. There is no sale. There is no obligation to do anything else. This is my way of letting you know what I do, and hopefully creating a long term relationship. Click on the link below if you would like a free consultation.

Free Phone Consultation with Dave Worthen