ALABAMA TO RECEIVE $100 MILLION IN HURRICANE RELIEF

President Trump guards his vulnerable citizens within his borders like a mother cat protecting her helpless kittens. He is building his magnificent, beautiful wall for their safety.

Now, this protective father figure must also protect his brood from Mother Nature.

Trump predicted Hurricane Dorian would hit Alabama, and the fake news media doubted him. But the president would not be bullied by their hateful lies.

So he showed an accurate map of the hurricane’s destructive path headed toward ‘Bama. The enemies of the people still doubted his word.

The president will be shutting their lying mouths with a stroke of the pen.

The leader of the free world has ordered Congress to pay Alabama $100 million in hurricane relief.

“The state was walloped by Dorian,” chief of staff Mick Mulaney told The Lint Screen, “and the president wants to help Alabama get back on its feet. This money will help.”

Trump Consulting Group, an organization experienced in helping communities rebuild following hurricanes, was given the $100 million and will get the state whole again.

“The president is determined to get help Alabama,” Mulvaney said. “It’s football season after all,” he said with a wink and a smile. “He will protect the state from nature, and evil Democrats determined to destroy our way of life. The boss man is also considering extending his big, beautiful wall to protect our waterfront borders. He is an amazing leader. I am so honored to work for him.”

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).