Words Really DO Matter!

This is an old post I wrote on Linkedin in February, 3 weeks after I lost my mom. I decided to post it here because it seems there are some people who feel they have the right to tell others how to think, write and feel online. There are some people who do not see themselves as aggressive towards others and have no idea how their words can hurt. People need to remember they are dealing with real people online. There are healthy people, there are unstable people, there are people dealing with depression or other issues they don't speak of, we all need to remember this when interacting socially.Words DO matter.  I needed to remind myself of this as well. It's been a mantra I've tried to follow for a long time online. We all slip, I did recently. There will be some people you will never be able to converse with for differing reasons, move on. A lesson I learned recently. This is why I chose to post this old blog. It's message still stands true and I'm glad I found it. When you read my words below the entire blog was in reference to a few comments that were made about me on other's blogs after I posted the very personal post about my mom. The person inferred that I was looking for sympathy along with saying Linkedin was not the place to be writing these types of posts. Just for the record, I was in no way looking for sympathy.  Never allow another to make you feel invalidated, not worthy of writing or intimidated. That's what's nice about beBee, Affinity networking is diverse and isn't a one size fits all hence, the many hives. Write away and enjoy what you do!

*Warning, before I delve into my topic, I'd like others to know I have given this a lot of thought and decided I needed to write. Some people may feel put off by my post, others may be able to relate. If your reaction is negative, please keep your comments civil and please do not attack anyone that posts, respect always*

I have written more than one post about my mother who recently passed away. My posts all came from a place of love and deep adoration for a woman who put her life above everyone she knew in order to keep the 'peace,' and with hopes that those she loved would live by her example. My mother's happiness did not come from material items; her happiness was derived by making others happy. Her desire to make others happy should never be confused with weakness. She was a strong woman and those who knew her not only respected her they also understood she was a woman who didn't have tolerance for petty nonsense. Mom was extremely kind but she also did not have a hard time verbalizing her core values when she saw injustices. 

It appears some of my posts about my mom bothered a few people. My answer to that... move on. I understand there were some people who felt my posts were 'self-serving,' and that I was looking for sympathy.  I wrote from my heart, it's that simple.  I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation, but I keep asking myself, how would my mom have reacted to those comments? My mom would have felt they were unnecessary and a bit thoughtless. 

When I write, I do so not just with myself in mind- I do think of others as well. Many if not most of us have experienced loss, and there are people who feel the need to talk openly about their loss. There are others who do not like to speak of their loss or losses and possibly find it traumatic to read stories about loss. My suggestion to those who feel traumatized when they read of another person's loss is to close out the article and find another that stimulates your senses. 

I worked in healthcare for many years and I found most of the people I worked with happened to be much more vocal about losing a loved one than those who worked outside of healthcare. Which brings me to another topic- most of us work for or have worked for larger organizations. In any organization, most people understand that personalities are diverse. People should not feel as though they have to keep silent about loss after going back to work. Obviously, if someone is unable to cope when it comes to hearing of, or speaking about another's loss,  it may be beneficial to let them know you care, but it's opening up a can of worms that you haven't dealt with yourself yet.  Grief doesn't just disappear the moment you re-enter the real world again. Most people take an average of 3-7 days off from work and their minds are not healed when they return back. I would hope they have enough co-workers who genuinely care enough to listen. This doesn't mean the topic of loss has to be the main topic or an on-going throughout the day, however, it can help a person to move forward if they know others care. Compassion and listening do help with the healing process. Healing equals a healthier, more productive employee/coworker.

Sometimes it's better if you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all.

Which leads me to one more area of concern: I have seen a lot of public lambasting of others within posts on Linkedin as of late. I expect that from trolls but not from people who call themselves professionals on this network. [The same can be said for a few on beBee as well ]  I find it very disrespectful along with unprofessional to publically denounce others on this network.  If someone really has a legitimate issue with another, please take it private. Addressing a person for grammatical errors, confusion about a post, or just dissatisfaction in general over a topic should be addressed privately. No one deemed any of us the Linkedin Police.  Let me be clear when I use the term dissatisfaction and relaying it on an open forum, I am referring to people who become rude to other commenters, or the person who posted. 

Remember, what you find aborhing, others may find answers.

I would like to end this by reminding others that their actions may affect others in ways you will never understand or be aware of. I have written a lot of articles about  Anxiety Disease, Depression, and other Mental afflictions. I was reminded yesterday that you can't tell by the way a person lives their life or by the smile on their face if they may be the one that is closing in on the edge. I read of Dave Mirra's apparent suicide yesterday.

"Mirra competed in several triathlons—including at August’s Ironman Lake Placid—and said his goal was to qualify for the Ironman World Championship.

Mirra was a husband, father, mentor, and friend to so many, and a passionate triathlete. By all accounts, he brought incredible energy, dedication, and enthusiasm to all of his pursuits, and dared others to dream big right along with him. May he rest in peace. Our thoughts are with his family," according to Triathlon.competitor.com

The Ironman Sports event put out this statement on their facebook page after hearing of Mirra's death:

"All of us at IRONMAN mourn the loss of our dear friend Dave Mirra. With a big soul and a huge heart to match, Dave was committed to being the best at everything he did—including the sport of triathlon. We were fortunate to have Dave as a part of the IRONMAN family. Our hearts are with his wife Lauren and their two daughters during this difficult time.

If you or someone you know is struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts, please seek support through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline by calling 1-800-273-TALK."

I beg anyone who is inclined to chastise and hurt others openly to remember you do not walk a mile in their shoes, therefore, you have no idea what is really going on behind closed doors. Be a friend, not a bully. 

Thanks ,mom, I think you gave me the strength to write this!

Photo credits: Header Photo- Made with Lucidpress- photo in upper left of header: Lisa Gallagher, Copyright June 2015

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