Wisdom Imparted On College Grads, An Entire Generation Is Enriched

(The following is Patrick Scullin’s commencement address given to the recent graduates of Ohio State University. Enjoy!)

Hello. It is an honor being here today. As I stand up here looking out on this enormous crowd of fresh faces, I’m curious how many are assembled here. There are so many people!

To call you a “crowd” seems imprecise, and today’s world demands precision for success.

Let me count each of you. Please stand still. Please. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen–– forgive me, but I think this will take all day.

Such an incredibly huge crowd!

Speaking of crowds, I will tell you this–– there are a lot of people in the world. I mean, a WHOLE LOT! People of all sizes, shapes, nationalities, colors, and political and religious beliefs.

I’d hate to count all the people in the world. What about you?

Anyone here major in census-taking? Probably not.

And yet, if you or I were to count all the people in the world, we would begin the same way–– one, two, three, so on and so forth.

That’s kind of funny, right? All counting starts the same way. And rest assured, counting all the many people inhabiting Earth would take a long, long, long time. Even if we asked all those people to count off by themselves.

So many people, so little time. Isn’t that the truth?

Anyway, thanks for coming today. I’ve enjoyed our talk, and I’m sure you’ll all do swell in your lives. And I imagine some of you may reproduce and create even more people.

MORE PEOPLE?! Whew! Who will count them?

Well, I see the Dean is holding a loaded gun in my direction, so I guess I’ll wrap this up.

Thanks, and please remember, there’s a lot of people in the world.

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO).

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).