What Ever Happened to Grace, Civility, and Humility?
NOTE: This is my latest observation on cultural life in America. It is in severe decline. It is primarily centered around the decline in grace, civility, and humility. Enjoy. As always, you can find all of my blogs from 2013 to the present on my website at https://stevemarshallassociates.com/steves-blog/
- How do you speak as if you are right? Your message should be simple, clear and direct with sufficient courage to act on what you know.
- How do you listen as if you are wrong? Generally, with humility and some reasonable doubt about what you know (after all, there might be more to know…). This quote from Scott Card sums up the human condition nicely; “This is how humans are: we question all our beliefs, except for the ones we really believe, and those we never think to question.”
- Take Winning Off the Table: Rather than seeking victory, the goal should be truth-seeking, with reinstitution of civility in service of achieving it. Participants are charged with arguing to understand better.
- Prioritize Relationships and Listen Passionately: As one audience member put it, the most constructive and rewarding arguments they’ve ever had involved people with whom maintaining a good relationship afterward was a high priority—an impetus for speaking and listening carefully.
- Pay Attention to Context: “One aspect of this concerns history,” Liu said. “Every fight we have today, about immigration, about taxes, about the minimum wage, is a recapitulation of one of those core American arguments—about liberty versus equality, about central government versus local control, or individual responsibility versus collective responsibility—and the history of civic debates in this country has something to teach us about how we can make our way through this conversations today. A second element is about emotion. If someone comes at you in an angry way, you have to adjust how you’re going to come back at them. And you have a choice about whether you’re going to mirror and double down or if you’re going to be the one to say, I’m gonna be the grown-up here, and I’m going to deescalate—being emotionally intelligent about the patterns that we fall into.”
- Embrace Vulnerability: “Every one of us can relate to the feeling, ‘I didn’t start this, I’m not going to extend the olive branch.’ Extend the olive branch,” Liu said.
- Be Open: “You cannot possibly change another person’s mind,” Liu said, “if you’re not willing to have your own mind changed. You may be able to rack up debater’s points. But you won’t change their mind if they sense you aren’t willing to have your mind changed. It’s a matter of mindset but also ‘heart-set.’”
How Much has the United States Changed Since 1865? If I could have both U.S. Grant and Robert E. Lee in front of me now as I outlined Mr. Liu's five excellent points, they would most likely ask me in the vernacular of today's speech with, "What's New About That?"
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