Trump Declared “Sanest Human Ever”

As the hub-bub continues over the erratic behavior exhibited during the Trump presidency, some have called into question the mental fitness of the Commander-in-Chief.

“Anyone who says that is crazy,” White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders told The Lint Screen. “We had the world’s greatest doctors, Dr. Harold Bornstein, who happens to also be the President’s personal physician, administer a thorough mental capabilities test. It even had those sexual ink splotchy-things. And the Skipper passed with flying colors.”

Indeed. In the report shared with our editorial staff, the notes of the esteemed physician are glowing.

“President Trump is fitter than a fiddle in every possible way,” Dr. Bronstein wrote. “He is perhaps the greatest physical specimen and mentally superior human being on the planet. He went to excellent schools, got tremendous grades, dated the most beautiful women, lives in wonderful places, and works in the Oval Office. We should all be so crazy!”

The medical report had a picture of a smiling face with LOL! written under it.

The report continued: “Does Donald John Trump have his full mental faculties? Absolutely. Is he out of cuckoo nut-brain? No!!! In my professional opinion, the President is the sanest human ever, without a doubt. And I gave him a lollipop for being such a good boy!”

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).