Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago · 5 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Relationships and Empathy

Relationships and Empathy

There have been a lot of articles, buzzes and/or blogs written about Empaths and empathy.  I read many articles, then shake my head while thinking, "you might be making some valid points but do you honestly live the life of an empath or are you able to show or feel true empathy for another when it appears you're so quick to discredit others who share true emotions openly online?"  I ask myself this question, "why do you have such a strong desire to write about what you think other's should think or better yet, others who write openly unless this is a trait you may lack?" "Why does it bother you when a person is able to show true human emotion and share it with others openly?" Do people who write about other's showing and/or sharing emotive experiences openly cause you to feel a wound that possibly hasn't closed? I'm very curious as to why it would bother another that some people are able to freely share their emotions? I've read blogs that actually accuse others who are both emotive and share emotions of looking for sympathy or getting attention from their 'clique.'  I can only speak personally but I've seen many relationships develop on beBee in particular and they are not cliques. They are a group of people who have something to offer or can relate in one manner or another because they feel emotions deep within. People can share similar experiences and actually feel the pain of another. I put myself in that category- if a friend or a family member experiences physical or emotional pain, I literally feel it. 

Personally, I feel it's unprofessional to define others motives if you don't know them well or take the time to get to know them.  There are many buzzes/articles written about subject matters which have nothing to do with emotion and they differ as quick as the wind blows. That's what makes beBee unique- affinity. Many subjects may not interest me but I do read a lot and I'm not one to judge or critique another's buzz. Why? We are all unique and that's what makes life interesting.  


A similarity of characteristics suggesting a relationship, especially a resemblance in structure between animals, plants, or languages." - Affinity in simple terms

I was asked by a friend this evening if I'd like to go see a play. I have a hard time when I'm seated in a large crowd. My first thought was, Oh God, no, I can't do this. As soon as the negative thought crossed my mind it was immediately replaced by a positive thought, or should I say, an empathetic thought. My friend who asked me to go had a double lung transplant 2 years ago. She also ended up with a colostomy 4 days after her lung transplant due to complications from her 13-hour surgery. She's also been on anti-rejection medications which are destroying her kidneys. She's now on a kidney transplant list. How could I say no?! When she asked me I felt fearful of going but my inner voice kicked in and basically kicked me in the butt. What did I hear, I heard- 'Seriously Lisa, after all she's been through if your any type of friend you'll put your panic in the backseat and go! " She is aware that I have anxiety disease (even though I down play it with her) because her issues are much larger than mine. My point? She bought tickets knowing I have a hard time with large crowds and made sure we had aisle seats. 


This is what friends do for each other, the unspoken. They accommodate and think about the other because they are able to go outside of their own bounderies and focus on someone other than themselves.

My friend kept thanking me for going and quite frankly, I felt very bad that she felt she had to thank me. I thanked her for asking me. I was happy that she was happy! I was happy that she got out of her home and had a beautiful evening, we both did. I was happy to see her happy. We even made plans to meet weekly and make food for shut-ins. We also decided to start working together at a food kitchen. I have done this before but this will be new to her and she's looking forward to it. The play was a Christmas Comedy based on the 1950's. It brought back a lot of good memories which opened up the floodgates to our own memories as children, even though neither of us grew up in the 50's. 

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Now back to the 'emotional part,' Part of the play focused on  a Pastor who lost his wife 2 years prior at Christmas time. Even thought this play was a comedy for the most, I held back tears when memories came flooding back to me about Christmas with my mom. This will be the first major Holiday without her. My friend must have picked up on unspoken words because she asked if I was ok, and of course,  with a big smile on my face, I told her, "yes, I'm really enjoying this." She called me a liar and we bothed laughed. Unspoken words can be interpreted well by empaths and she too, is an empath with empathy. She has not lost her parents but she understands and feels the pain of another's loss. I blew off her question because I understood how important it is for her to get out and forget about all that she has been through and still has to face. I know it helps her to focus on others and the reason I know this is because that is what keeps me centered and highly functional, by focusing on others. 


I know it helps her to focus on others and the reason I know this is because that is what keeps me centered and highly functional, by focusing on others. 

 Empaths are highly sensitive.
Empaths are naturally giving, spiritually open, and good listeners. If you want heart, empaths have got it. Through thick and thin, these world-class nurturers will be there for you. But they can easily have their feelings hurt, too: Empaths are often told that they are “too sensitive” and need to "toughen up." Empaths absorb other people’s emotions.
Empaths are highly attuned to other people’s moods, good and bad. They feel everything, sometimes to an extreme. They take on negativity such as anger or anxiety, which can be exhausting for them. If they are around peace and love, though, their bodies take these on and flourish.
If surrounding yourself with like minded people- empaths or empathetic people is considered cliquish, I am proud to be part of that clique,  (which I feel both terms do intertwine), how can you be empathetic if you're not an empath? 

My friend is a high functioning empath with great empathy for others. I want to mention that even during my mom's cancer, both my friend and mom were sending cards to one another. I'm proud to call her a friend because we can both relate to each other on a level some would never understand. She brought up the subject of my mom tonight and we turned my grief into a positive conservation with results. My mom is probably smiling, knowing that we both care deeply for each other's feelings. Isn't that the way life is supposed to be?  Life is reciprocal. I feel so thankful to have such a caring friend like her and she relates the same back to me. Many times our understanding of each other is unspoken and that is comforting too. 

I try to remind myself when reading another person's article that we don't really know the person behind their words. I think that's a good thing to keep in mind. We get snippets of someone's life, preferences, business style etc... but can you truly know another's true intentions when writing? Can you really know another on a personal level through their writing? I can attest that unless I get to know you on a very personal level, I can't pretend to know you through your writing. I can make assumptions but those assumptions may not always be correct. No one would know what my friend has endured unless they know her personally because she hides her pain and fear behind smiles and fun chatter.  

I personally feel that many people would benefit from letting their guard down a bit because it makes a person more approachable and others feel much more comfortable when they know someone truly cares and doesn't consider their concerns as a form of whining. I also understand, it's not possible for everyone to let down their guard let alone feel empathy if it's not an inate trait. 



"
#Empathy #Relationships #Empaths #Christmas #God
Comments

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #52

#83
Savvy Raj, what beautiful words you spoke. Distance and space may separate us but there is so much we do all share in common, thanks :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #51

Thank you very much for sharing my buzz CityVP Manjit!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #50

Donna-Luisa Eversley thank you for the share! I know I'm missing others who shared and I apologize!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #49

#79
I need to find a new keyboard for that phone Deb Helfrich, so yes... I will go with 'the pirate stole my phone," matey! ;-)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #48

#77
Thanks Leckey Harrison. Just laugh at my typing. I cant even type typo without a typo lol! My comment below. It sounds like I called myself a queen haha!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #47

#73
arrgh matey, I am the type of Queen on my phone's keyboard LOL

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #46

#73
Paul \, you do work hard! I bet (judt knowing whast I do about you that you're always putting others first and forgetting to put yourself first sometimes. I'm happy that you're relaxing now. I actually got a tear in my eye when I read your comment. Have a great holiday with your wife and family if for some reason I don't talk to you before then!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #45

#72
Well ssid Leckey Harrison, I eill have to remember that phrase. Your a good man! Much respect to you!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #44

#69
I thought that was important to point out because people who are highly sensitive are viewed as weak, that is not true (at least in many cases). Some of the strongest people I know are extremely sensitive but they don't wear it on their sleeve ;-) Thanks Melinda Brain, appreciate your comment!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #43

#65
Hi Ebenezar John Paul, I'm so glad you and your friend are able to share those unspoken words! Many times it is the unspoken that speaks to the heart more than words alone, thanks for sharing!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #42

#63
Hi Elizabeth Bailey, I think even people who feel deep empathy for others can burn out so it can be a work in progress! Thanks for reading.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #41

#62
"People are drawn together based on common ground and not an emotional obligation to do so." Isn't that the truth Sou Abbas?!! Great way of putting it and couldn't agree more, thanks!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #40

#59
Well said, Fatima! You go girl! 😊

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #39

#49
Yeah KEN I say that too Tell them to bugger off 😃😃😃

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #38

Thoughtful and kindness, an easy recipe for many! Thanks Donna-Luisa Eversley!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #37

#54
I like the way you think Sushmita Thakare Jain!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #36

#52
Thank you for sharing such meaningful quotes Sushmita Thakare Jain! I think it is possible for all of us to sense 'the mysterious connection to each other," we just have to be in tune to it!

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #35

Aha...Verily, this post tutors us to mellow our hearts in empathy! Indeed, life becomes more beauteous when our hearts, filled with empathy, feel others' pain and tribulations.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #34

#49
Bugger, I need to remember that word, love it! You have some great catch phrases you use Ken Boddie and thank you for taking the time to read this!

Ken Boddie

7 years ago #33

Pardon the bluntness, Lisa, but bugger the critics!!!!! They're too busy lacing up their own shoes to walk a mile in someone else's. Thanks for letting us into your world.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #32

#45
This is so true Franci Eugenia Hoffman, caring for others is definitely a beautiful part of life and I know my life would feel very empty if I didn't have others to care for. Thanks so much for your input!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #31

#43
Very interesting explanation you posted below Leckey Harrison. I find what you described (the healing) through TRE to be very inspiring and leaves one with hope. Some people are so traumatized they can't even get out of bed or go out of their homes, just a few of many examples. If TRE works for these people, that is very hopeful to know.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #30

#22
Hi CityVP Manjit thanks for stopping by considering how busy life is right now for you. Life is a constant learning journey. I always say when we quit learning, we die. As long as I'm able, I never want to quit learning. Appreciate your comment and I will check out your links! Good luck with all you have going on right now.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #29

#30
Thanks , sharing joys and even pain is not a bad thing at all, so yes when I feel the desire to write I will continue. I appreciate your kind comment! I hope others who find writing about personal issues know it's completely OK to share if they so desire. We are not here to critique people, some are here for social interaction, others to meet prospective clients, share technical knowledge and on the list goes. Affinity networking rocks.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #28

#28
HI Leckey Harrison, I'm sure you do see that a lot. I have to say with all my years in healthcare I came across many patients who were suffering yet they still worried more about others. When my mom was terminal, she spent most of her days still managing to cook for my stepfather, she wasn't supposed to be going up or down the stairs yet she defied what she was told and would tie a rope to her laundry basket and carry it back up the stairs. I think the fact that she focused on others helped her to live longer. I remember her saying many times, "Oh I feel so bad for 'so and so,' " I can't imagine what he/she is going through, the focus was never on herself. And I know she dealt with many fears through out her process, she had PTSD that went un-treated her entire life yet somehow still managed to put her family and many first. To your point because I'm not trying to discredit your experiences, I'm sure there are many who suffer from Trauma and when they are deep within the depths of it can't focus on anyone or recognize others pain because their pain runs that deep. So, I understand what you are saying and I believe that is true with people who have severe PTSD. But, it doesn't mean they don't have the capacity to feel for others, they are just not able to when they are in crisis mode.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #27

#27
Hi Fatima Williams, thanks for taking the time to read this. Actually, my friend brought me such happiness last night because I knew she was happy. It was great to see her be able to get out. I can't imagine what's she's been through emotionally (along with all the physical stuff), I can only imagine. You nailed it, being empathetic or an empath doesn't mean we can ever truly know anothers experiences or what they feel but we do feel their pain and 'can relate.' You brought up the loss of your dad and my mom. Our experiences and emotions may differ but we both have felt loss and can truly empathize with the emotional pain that sadly comes with a loss. Thanks again Fatima!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #26

#26
You made some great points Deb Helfrich. There will always be independent variable on social media and each person that writes has a different writing style. I don't consider myself a 'writer' in the true sense that others define a writer. But, anyone who writes is a writer. What I find interesting others may find mundane for example. I'd like to see others who want to share their stories feel free to do so. I'm not fond of articles that seek to destroy that in another person. Writing can be cathartic and through sharing a story, people talk and may find answers they weren't aware of. Others may take comfort in knowing they aren't alone, yet still may find solutions through the means of communicating openly. "Anyway trying to control what is written on a social media site, poised for exponential growth, really needs to find a better cause for their energy." Exactly, well said Deb.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #25

#25
Thanks Pascal Derrien, I like your term too, "social media acquaintance." I have met some people offline and continue to interact with them. They are more than acquaintances then. And that was one of the points I was trying to make which you picked up on, we only get a glimpse of others online. Appreciate your input!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #24

#24
, you made a great point about putting yourself in the shoes of another and trying to see things from their viewpoint. That is an important quality, I think we can all fall short at times and that's when it's good to take a step back and re-think things.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #23

#20
Hi , being our genuine selves online can be tough at times because we worry that someone will find us annoying, seeking attention etc... but when I try to write something that isn't from my heart, I have a hard time with that and I think it shows. We are who we are. I surround myself in real life (friends that is) who are caring people, so why should it be any different online, right? Not everyone has to write mushy things for me to see they are caring. I love reading stories about people's lives, their travels and much more. It's how they treat others through their communications that stands out. Emotions (both good and bad) are filled with energy and like you- I can literally feel energy too. I can walk into a room and I either get a sense of calm or very anxious feelings deep within. When I feel those anxious feelings I know the energy isn't good. People who don't experience this, well they will just think we are wacka-doodles LOL. It's healthy to feel and recognize one's feelings! Just like it's healthy to cry, that is not a weakness either. Crying is like a purifier!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #22

#19
Thanks Dean Owen, glad you understood the concept of this! I purposely didn't tag you because I knew you usually do scroll past this type of writing. I'm glad you stopped by and read it, so thank you! By the way, you might beg to differ but your a wonderful person too! It's easy to make assumptions about people when someone doesn't know them personally. I really try hard not to do that. Even some who I find to come off as rude, well I when I take a step back I try to tell myself, maybe they have been through something I'm not aware of, or their life is just that tough?!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #21

#18
You hit the nail on the head Praveen Raj Gullepalli. It is about others & what we do for them, even how we treat others. The way we treat others speaks volumes. We spend a lot of time together. She was home bound for almost 3 years.. one year prior to her lung transplant and almost 2 years following it due to healing and complications. I would bring meals over and visit a lot. Helped w/laundry (which she hated me doing) because she doesn't like others doing things for her. She's always been one to help others. Her husband and son loved my visits especially when she was very ill because she could not be left alone. Everytime I popped over, her husband would get a big smile on his face, chat for a second, grab a beer and go to his own space. He needed that too! They are a great family.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #20

#17
Extremely sad Praveen Raj Gullepalli, I haven't seen the news today?

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #19

Lisa Gallagher So beautifully written that provokes a person to have glimpses of insights! Keep expressing your joy to share with others and conceal little pains in patience to gather more inner strength.

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #18

Lisa Gallagher Thank you for the tag. First off I am so happy you had a good evening with your friend and that you having a friend like that is a blessing and a reflection of your kind heart, the care you show towards others and trust me she will get better soon with God's blessing. Being empathetic is infact very difficult definition for some because. Lisa I know how you feel about your mom because I lost my dad and hence we both have this connection that brings us closer to understand each other's loss. But I don't think that both our feelings can be understood by one who has not encountered such an experience. Even though they may say a few comforting words they don't truly know how we feel and hence cannot comprehend the impact of that loss.All they can do as David says " Is to mentally put themselves in our shoes" but even then those shoes need to fit them. What I am really trying to say here is that not everyone can understand an empath and I don't think we can blame them for that but what they can is " accommodate and think about the other " . A very beautiful buzz and I enjoyed reading it. #StayHappy

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #17

Some fair points on empaths I kind of think that it has to a lot to do with inhibition and opening up or accepting to open up or accepting people opening up and in any case you have to be ready for it......if not it may trigger the opposite reaction. Writing is only a lens and depending on how far people go with it or not you get only a glimpse or the entirety of what somebody stands for but who knows really.... except the writer... I like the term of social media acquaintance for better words and this is my two cents

David B. Grinberg

7 years ago #16

Kudos on an exemplary read, Lisa. As you note, it's important for people to mentally put themselves in the shoes of others and consider the viewpoints of others, in addition to their own. This helps to breed empathy where it might otherwise not exist. Thanks for more awesome buzz!

CityVP Manjit

7 years ago #15

I am going to come back to this in due course, simply because time is not my friend right now and the work I do is hitting peak season i.e. a non-empathic event that is the commercial reality of end of year sales whether they call this Christmas, Cyber Monday, Black Friday or whatever reason there is for consumers to go on annual spending binges. This also means that the work that was meant to support my learning journey, is now beginning to get in my way - so I have additional decisions to make after. For now I want to share Lonerwolf - two young people who I find absolutely brilliant : Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol. I will share a couple of articles by them (the two below are by Aletheia, and you will see immediately what I mean : Are You an Empathic Narcissist? by Aletheia Luna https://lonerwolf.com/are-you-an-empathic-narcissist/ Dear Empaths: 4 Types of Narcissists You May Be Attracting by Aletheia Luna https://lonerwolf.com/empaths-and-narcissists/ Once I am less consumed in the wilderness of the work I currently engage and settle down with commitments I have given to college groups and my own family, I can get back to this particular waterfall of the conscience and begin to flow with the great energy I find in this particular buzz. I am also revising my own learning journey process and personal hives, including reconstituting my dormant Twitter pages. I do know that this particular conversation is a part of my Green learning journey but that too will be revised as the year begins to close out.

Dean Owen

7 years ago #14

I tend to scroll past anything empathy related as it appears to be the buzzword of the year (along with Influencer), but I'm with you on this one Lisa. I think we'd often be surprised if we met people in person that they turn out to be very different from their only persona. That said, when all you have to go on is the online persona, there are some peoples writings that just don't agree with you making it hard, when time is so valuable, to click on their next article. You have good in your heart Lisa and I get your intention with this article.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #13

Thanks for sharing Javier beBee, appreciated!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #12

#13
I heard over 90 people and that is probably not the official count. Sending good thoughts and prayers too. It is a helpless feeling when we hear of tragedies!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #11

#12
I've always been a worrier... I guess some things never change Ali Anani ;-)

Ali Anani

7 years ago #10

#11
This you Lisa Gallagher is commenting then he is ok. SO, why the worry?

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #9

#9
Thank you debasish majumder posted not long ago too. I worry about my friends when I hear of news like this.

Ali Anani

7 years ago #8

#8
I appreciate your response dearly my friend Lisa Gallagher. The link is https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-positive-side-of-negative-emotions

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #7

#5
Hi Ali Anani, How do I miss some of your buzzes? Can you send me a link? You can post it here if you'd like. You know all of this because you are an empath too! I've always seen you as one because I think we can recognize that in another. I have felt the depth of your pain, happiness etc... in your writing. Your writing touches my heart in ways that I can't even put into words at times. I think sometimes we read articles and the depth of the article runs so deep, it's as if you are speaking face to face. For me, this does not happen often but it has and I'm happy I can feel. As long as we feel, we know we are alive. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I appreciate and respect them!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #6

#4
Thank you Max Carter, there will always be some who will never understand an empath let alone empathy. Sad but true.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #5

#3
Thanks Paul Walters, I actually tagged you and a few others, then it disappeared. Thank you for reading, my friend :))

Ali Anani

7 years ago #4

This buzz is shear beauty Lisa Gallagher. I enjoyed the depth of it, the wisdom of your stories and the consideration for others. I even would dare say that even though we don't know the under-surface intentions of writers, in this case you disclosed your intention as clear as a crystal is. I dare say this because of your writing I put myself in that category- if a friend or a family member experiences physical or emotional pain, I literally feel it". Incidentally, my last buzz is about emotions "The Positive Side of Emotions". Even tough this buzz has attracted 100 comments so far, I feel a mention of this buzz and how it relates to mine would have been possible only if you had published it two days earlier. I am writing this because I see some personal connections between us even though we don't know each other personally. If you agree, then how would you explain this? Shared proudly

Paul Walters

7 years ago #3

Lisa Gallagher I didnt miss it Lisa. Thanks

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #2

cc: Deb Helfrich

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #1

cc: Ali Anani Hi! tagged a few of you because I write in the middle of night & my articles tend to get missed.

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