Phil Friedman

5 years ago · 5 min. reading time · visibility 0 ·

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Reaching Beyond Me

Reaching Beyond Me==

Before Writing Comes Thinking

Preface:  This piece is the third in a series of literary self-indulgences, which I've dubbed The Road Chronicles, because they use being on a road as a central metaphor. The series title emerged organically from the recesses of my psyche, I think upon reflection, in deference to Jack Kerouac's seminal work On the Road. My early reading Kerouac's novel first drew me into a period of narrowly focused introspection, then summarily cast me out into the world — where I have since sought to connect with people, ideas and things across a much broader field of engagement. The series expresses some of the observations  hard-won during the journey from then to now.

From Self-possessed to Selfies...

I have no doubt there are positive aspects of our contemporary age of social media. For example, the potential to connect ordinary people across diverse political and geographical boundaries is, I believe, a major force for good in the world today. However, there are also troubling aspects to the evolution  —  one of which is the propensity for many to live solely in the eyes of others.

Young children begin their journey to self-awareness by implicitly believing they exist only in the eyes of their parents. Hey Mom, hey Dad, look at me... Watch me skate... See me ride... Look at me swinging... Look at me... Look at me...

The approbation that young children receive from their parents, siblings, and members of their extended families builds their sense of self-esteem, their sense of self-being. Eventually, if their emotional growth progresses along with their physical maturing, children begin to understand that they have a presence in the world, independent of their parents' and family's  perceptual field. They become, as we used to say, their own person.

Being one's own person — that is, giving authentic existential primacy to one's vision of oneself — used to be valued as a mark of emotional and intellectual maturity. Indeed, it was often seen as a source of personal strength and power. Something that stayed with, and carried one through the many twists and turns and potholes of life.

Now, We Have Inverse Solipsism...

Solipsism is a theme in philosophical thought that holds one can never truly know an existence outside of one's own consciousness. For some, Solipsism is the ultimate expression of egocentricity, and a view bereft of intuitive truth.

What we see today, however, is a growing predominance of the implicit view  that we cannot exist except insofar as others are aware of, and see us. Namely, a kind of inverse Solipsism, just as futile, and just as existentially barren as the original version.

Clearly today, a great many of us don't seem to be able live without being seen —  constantly. We experience an urgent need to Instagram and SnapChat images of the most mundane things and activities: our dinner on its plate, us trying on clothing at a department store, our dog pooping in the back yard. How many different ways can we think up to flash our connections the "peace" sign? Especially when so many these days haven't the slightest clue as to its historical significance?

Let's be clear. We're not talking here about sharing travel photos of fascinating and beautiful locales, nor of snaps of awe-evoking classic architecture. We're talking about images of the dull, the repetitious, the mind-numbing minutiae of everyday life — or what passes these days for such.

These days, we seem to need to post Facebook pictures of us drinking beer and having a good time, in order to actually have a good time.  Because it seems that, in our minds, we live only in the eyes of others. And without their attention, we don't exist. Solipsism turned on its head.

Egocentricity Is a Side Road To ... Nowhere

Well... at least it is for most of us. I do have to admit that egocentricity as a core philosophy of life seems to work for — indeed is de rigueur for — Hollywood movie stars, most politicians, and some others. Nevertheless, for most of us, it truly is a dead end, empty of intellectual stimulation and emotional growth.

Consider, if you will, the latest LinkedIn mobile "app".  It has a main navigation button at the bottom of the screen display labeled "Me". Clicking on this button takes you to a section that tracks all of the posts by, comments of, and references to the user. So-and-so liked and 296 others liked your post. So-and-so liked your share. So-and-so mentioned you in a post. So-and-so mentioned you in a share. So-and-so mentioned you in a comment. Even... So-and-so and 77 others like a share that mentions you. The result is so cloying I find it hard to believe anyone other than extreme egocentrics can avoid feeling as though they've just eaten an entire box of creme chocolates.

Don't Get Me Wrong... It's Not the App That's the Problem...

For example, the new LinkedIn mobile app seems, on the whole, to be a distinct improvement for interfacing with LI on a smart phone or other mobile device. It's the attitude behind the inclusion of the "Me" key and function that is indicative of a pervasive nurturing of extreme, perhaps even obsessive-compulsive egocentricity.

What is worse, this egocentricity does not lead to megalomania (which would be bad enough), as it might have in the past. Instead, in the current environment of social media, it leads to the serious erosion of one's sense of self.

We're fast approaching the worst of all possible worlds. On the one hand, we're becoming more and more focused on ourselves. While at the same time, we're  becoming almost, if not completely dependent upon how others see us, and upon their mostly trivial and trite expressions of approbation. And though I am not sure what exactly can be done to reverse this toxic tide, I am certain that doing so is absolutely essential to our future intellectual and psychological well being.   —Phil Friedman

Author's Notes:  As noted above, this post is part of my series, The Road Chronicles, in which I give expression to some of the more literary and philosophical thoughts I normally keep suppressed. If you found the reading worthwhile, you may want also to take a look at:

"Cynicism Can Be the Final Refuge of Idealism"

"LinkedIn Is a Highway, Not a Destination"

"Do Not Mistake What Is For What Should Be"

If you'd  like to receive notifications of my writings on a regular basis, click the [FOLLOW] button on my profile. As a writer-friend of mine says, you can always change your mind later.

Feel free to "like" and "share" this post and my other LinkedIn articles — whether on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, or Google+. I ask only that you credit me properly as the author, and include a live link to the original work. A couple of my other articles are

"Three Points of Advice to My Teenage Daughter"

"Conversation Isn't Just Waiting Politely to Speak"

About me, Phil Friedman:  With 30 some years background in the marine industry, I've worn numerous hats — as a yacht designer, boat builder, marine operations and business manager, marine industry consultant, marine marketing and communications specialist, yachting magazine writer and editor, yacht surveyor, and marine industry educator. I am also trained and experienced in interest-based negotiation and mediation. In a previous life, I taught logic and philosophy at university.

The (optional-to-read) pitch:  As a professional writer, editor, university educator, and speaker, with more than 1,000 print and digital publications, I've recently launched an online course for enhancing your expository writing: learn2engage — With Confidence. My mission is to help writers and would-be writers improve the clarity of their thought and writing, master the logic of discussion, and strengthen their ability to deal confidently with criticism and disagreement.


For more information, contact, or click the image immediately above.

-- Fair winds and safe harbors...


Text Copyright © 2015 - 2017 by Phil Friedman — All Rights Reserved
Images Credits:  the Author,, and Google Images

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Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #11

I agree wholeheartedly, Melissa, the point is, as you say, "... to exchange ideas and perhaps gain a new perspective through thoughtful dialogue..." At least that is one of the points to being on social media. Sometimes the point is to market oneself or one's business or maybe someone else's business.. In which case, some concern with metrics is important, as one decides where to place the most effort. Cheers!

Gert Scholtz

Gert Scholtz

4 years ago #10

Phil Friedman This remains one of my favorite posts of yours and I quote what I think is the essence: "We're fast approaching the worst of all possible worlds. On the one hand, we're becoming more and more focused on ourselves. While at the same time, we're becoming almost, if not completely dependent upon how others see us, and upon their mostly trivial and trite expressions of approbation. And though I am not sure what exactly can be done to reverse this toxic tide, I am certain that doing so is absolutely essential to our future intellectual and psychological well being."

Lada 🏡 Prkic

Lada 🏡 Prkic

4 years ago #9

That's why I've shared the post, to right the wrong. :-)

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #8

Thank you, Lada, for sharing this older post. Ironically, I think it is one of the better zones I've written -- although it received little notice at the time. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #7

Praveen, I like your verse But in the SM universe, Ego's not the curse. Rather, and to be terse, Lack of self-sense is worse. Cheers!

Lada 🏡 Prkic

Lada 🏡 Prkic

4 years ago #6

About solipsism, egocentricity and many more, by Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #5

Thank you Gert Scholtz, for reading and for the kind words. They are what make the effort -- and pain --- of writing worthwhile. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #4

Franci Eugenia Hoffman, yes, precisely. And people have become thrice removed from authenticity because of it. Thank you for reading and commenting.

Gert Scholtz

Gert Scholtz

5 years ago #3

Phil Friedman A post rich with insight and so elegantly written as you do Phil. Thank you.

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

This reminds me of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy, where our behavior is influenced by our perception of how other people view us. - "I am not what I think I am; and I am not what you think I am; but I am what I think you think I am".- source Model-Netics.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

5 years ago #1

Thanks for the kind words, Zack., Cynics generally get a bad rap, when what they are mostly doing is reminding us that things could be better ... and that we neeed to work to make it so. Cheers!

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