Nation Grips For Post-Election Depression

The citizens of the United States of America are electing a new leader on Tuesday, November 8, and that has many of them fearful.

“I’m worried about depression,” said Melissa Redburney, “Not an economic one, but the sad boo-hoo-hoo kind.”

Indeed! The Lint Screen spoke with noted psychologist Dr. Samuel Hummtin. “The problem is Americans are by nature a competitive people, and as such, they enjoy the spirit of good sportsmanship. The idea that citizens only get a 600–700 days election cycle is troubling. That’s a mere two billion dollars in advertising and trillions of dollars in media exposure time! Speaking as a professional, people always crumble and go bonkers when they have to make snap judgments and decisions.”

Boston native Pete Cookerd is already shaken. “I’ll vote on Tuesday, but honestly, I’m going to have a hard time deciding. Who is Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump? I wish they’d advertise, or the media would focus on them a little. They’re like a couple of strangers to me. I may be in the election booth for hours — flipping coins, playing Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.”

Of course, the most troubling thing is what happens on November 9. “I already have a booked calendar for people desperate and anxious for a new election cycle to begin,” said Dr. Hummtin as he lit his pipe, stroked his beard, and wagged his finger. “Let’s face it, 2020 will be here before you know it, and people will once again feel they are under-exposed to the candidates.”

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of Ames Scullin O’Haire Advertising (ASO). We use creativity and empathy to connect with humanity, helping our clients do great things.

He’s worked at some of the country’s best agencies on blue chip brands, and with ASO has helped Georgia Aquarium, The Coca-Cola Co., UPS, Golf Pride Golf Grips, Mitsubishi Electric, Delhaize America, Georgia Natural Gas, Mellow Mushroom and more.

Patrick has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, humor, pop culture ramblings).