MCCONNELL: “WHY INVESTIGATE JANUARY 6? LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE”

Sen. Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) is a man who loves America “more than my wife, more than just about anything,” he says.

Today Mitch told The Lint Screen he is advising his GOP senators to vote against a bipartisan committee to investigate the insurrection on the Capitol Building on January 6 by a rabid mob of looney Trumpers.

“The Democrats are trying to make politics out of a little misunderstanding,” Mitch says. “So what if a few patriots came to their seat of government to protest an unfair election? Big deal. We Republicans believe this is still America and white people have a right to beat police officers, threaten to hang the Vice President, invade private offices, poop on the floor of government buildings, and damage federal property. And just because a few people died in the bargain doesn’t mean we should shut down their white people freedoms with silly investigations.”

Mitch says the Democrats don’t believe in God and that is why they are making such a big deal out of what happened on January 6.

“Jesus told us to forgive one another,” Mitch says. “Of course, the Democrats wouldn’t know about Jesus because they’ve never read the Bible. We need to get on with our lives and let sleeping dogs lie.”

Many believe Mitch is a hypocritical turd who is nothing more than a loyal lapdog to his master, disgraced twice-impeached ex-President Donald Trump.

“That may be true,” Mitch says. “But I am, above all else, a man of principle and integrity.” He gives his trademark smirk, pivots, and walks away, chortling.

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