A Lump- Could It Be Cancer: The Million Dollar Question

When I worked in Respiratory Therapy years ago (ok, I just aged myself), I had a lump that was slowly growing and began to protrude out of the side of my abdomen. Everytime I bent down, in particular, it began to hurt. I had the lump for over a year and thought it was a knotted muscle- that was until it looked like half of an egg sticking out of my side between the rib cage and pelvis. 

It took me a few months longer just to get my nerve up to go to the Doctor. I was afraid of going to Doctor's for anything other than a sinus or ear infection.  I was convinced this had to be a cancerous tumor before I even went into the exam room. I was worried it could be for quite a few months and that's why I put off going to a doctor in the first place.

When the Doctor examined me, he said, "Oh that's just a fatty tumor and we can remove it here in the office." I said, "Oh no, you are not going to cut into my abdomen in your office." His reply (while chuckling), "You're afraid to be awake during the surgery?" Hell yes, I was!   So, he scheduled a date at the hospital for me to have the 'fatty tumor' removed.

Fast forward to the morning of my surgery- I was so nervous I went up to Respiratory where I worked and tried to entice the gals to talk me out of the surgery. My heart was pounding so fast, I thought I was going to pass out. I honestly did not think I had the courage to go through with it. I kept telling them, "If it's cancer, I'm a goner because I let this go for over a year."  I remember them laughing and telling me to suck it up... everything would be fine. Obviously, they didn't talk me out of it. 

I had the surgery and I'm lucky it was done at the hospital. It was not a fatty tumor, it was a cavernous hemangioma. A cavernous hemangioma is a tumor consisting of blood vessels and this one was inside my muscle. He said I was probably born with it and it began to herniate outside of the muscle after the birth of my first child. He had to remove part of the muscle and instead of a 1/2 inch incision (which he promised) it turned out to be a 4 inch incision. The surgery was just like having a hernia repair done. However, the type of hemangioma I had can cause hemorrhaging.  I didn't know this until after I had the surgery. The surgery was supposed to take 20 minutes and it ended up taking 1.5 hours. I ended up back in the hospital that evening because I had a seizure and they thought it was due to the codeine I was on for pain. 

I have been afraid of Doctors and being a patient my entire life. I remember going into a panic before having my tonsils removed when I was in first grade. Why the fear? I'm not sure. I still have the fear and it's gotten worse in ways over the years. 

I attribute some of my fear to all the years I worked in Healthcare and the situations I did see go bad.  My fear of cancer began after my dad passed from cancer when I was 11 years old. I'm sure it hasn't helped my psyche that my sister had cancer,  my neice (my sister's daughter) had cancer at age 5 and mom just passed from cancer.  I don't blame my fear on them- I think when we have fears, we all try to find a reason for the damn fear!

My surgery was years ago and it's a good thing he did not open me up in the office- I could have bled to death. That's why it's always good to get a second opinion and do your homework. Make sure you always have someone with you as well- sometimes we don't hear what we need to when we are scared. Having someone with you can help you to recount what was said to you and they can ask questions you may not think to ask. 

Now, I wish I had an a concrete suggestion to those who fear Doctors and Hospitals like I do but I don't. I'm still afraid to go, still fear the "C" word and I have a racing heart just writing about this fear! 

Suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And, as always, please share your story here if you can relate or have found a way to overcome the fear of going to Doctors. 

Header image pulled from google images - alphamom.com