Lonely Numbers: Demons in my Closet/Monsters in my Head
This is dedicated to those who feel that suicide is the only answer. Seek help. Be not afraid to take that step in seeking the help you need or of what anyone will think. You are important. Rise up and be strong. Do not succumb to the monsters and the demons whatever they may be, wherever they reside or however they conjure themselves.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255
https://www.veteranscrisisline.net/ 1-800-273-8255
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/statistics/suicide.shtml 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
I have demons in my closet
And monsters in my head
They tell me of the things I’ve done
And remind me of things I’ve said
They come in many sizes
Some small, some large—ever present beggars just egging for a fight
They whisper and they taunt me
During the day and throughout the night
A few are oh so gentile
While others cause alarm
They come to visit from days gone by, or arrive anew at Dawn
And how I try to fight them, despite their surreptitious aura and spurious kind of charm
They hide in nooks and crannies
And ignore my pleas to leave
Some simply smile or give a glancing frown, while others pierce my very soul with sneers of mockery
All too often they laugh in devilish delight, and enable me as I grieve
We often have deep conversations
With clouded visions so vivid and so clear
It’s like they show me movies
Of my actions, deeds and fears
I try to avoid them all day long
And hide from them at night
But they live within my head
And in the closet of my mind, nothing seems to confine them as I try to make it all alright
I don’t know how to ask for help
And fear you’ll think me strange
If I told you of my closet
Of the specters congregating in my mind, that play within its range
On the surface I may not show it
But invisible they are real
I scream in muted horror, as I spiral towards the floor
I just don’t know how to say it, the pure desperation that I feel
I have demons in my closet
And monsters in my head
They give a sense of hopelessness, and strive to make me numb
Simple and complex, incessantly how they visit me and conjure up such dread
They haunt me and delude my mind
In thinking of relief
There is a horrific answer
One that causes so much anguish, such unbelievable enduring grief
I am the keeper of my house, the holder of its keys
With its ever present uninvited guests
They persistently go unnoticed, as we travel down our path
Still the monsters and the demons linger, ever present companions on my quest
I will not let the demons in my closet
Or the monsters in my head
Become my judge and jury
And control my look at life, and sway me into thinking, all my hope has truly fled
I have demons in my closet
And monsters in my head
They tell me of the things I’ve done
And remind me of things I’ve said
For those in crisis--Choose life. One may be the loneliest number that you ever do or know, but in seeking others, there is help.
For those who have read this, all I ask is that you look for the signs and engage by letting those in crisis and others know of your local crisis/suicide hotline numbers.
For other works by Joel Anderson: https://www.bebee.com/@joel-anderson
Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are solely those of the author
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Comments
Fay Vietmeier
4 years ago #27
Joel Anderson Your words reflect wise & caring leadership ... "my folks" are the people working with you? Being able to stop & take time to hear requires caring & time ... the world is "busy" and at times people can't get past themselves or their agenda (whatever that might be) to actually listen Giving someone a good listening to is a gift ;~) My acronym for ear: E engaged A attentive R responsive You keep writing great poetry ;~)
Joel Anderson
4 years ago #26
Thank you. I used to tell my folks to be mindful of greeting someone. If they approached someone and asked "how are you?" to be prepared to stop what they were doing and take the time to hear the other person and talk if needed. One came back and said, but what if I am late getting in to the office. I simply told them, "then you will be late!" It was much more important to me that they got past the superficial nature of the greeting and actually took the time to observe, "listen to hear" and help if and where needed. "If only" indeed. Keep making a difference one person--one step--one impactful conversation at a time.
Fay Vietmeier
4 years ago #25
Joel Anderson
4 years ago #24
Joel Anderson
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Joel Anderson
4 years ago #22
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5 years ago #21
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5 years ago #20
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6 years ago #17
Lisa Gallagher
6 years ago #16
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #15
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7 years ago #14
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7 years ago #13
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7 years ago #12
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7 years ago #11
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7 years ago #10
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #9
Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher Thank you and thank you for referencing #WHO #MentalHealthAwareness. The subtleties of one day, one subject and those who struggle that far too often go unnoticed. Know that your insights and passion are truly appreciated. Keeping making a difference.
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #8
CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit Thnak you for the comments and for sharing. Keeping making a difference there is that "One" out there who needs each and every one of us.
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #7
Milos Djukic
7 years ago #6
Thank you Joel Anderson!
CityVP Manjit
7 years ago #5
One is too many is spot on. BTW I had no idea that Harry Nillson wrote "one is a lonely number", I had assumed it was Amy Mann because it was featured in the movie Magnolia and I did not know that Three Dog NIght were the one's who had the hit with that song. Song is absolutely appropriate for the message being delivered here.
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #4
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #3
Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich Thank you and absolutely agree that one conversation, one observation, one caring comment, and conditioning our selves to hear what is said or in understanding things left unspoken the act of doing so takes concerted concentration and effort but in the end, is worth the time and effort to show someone that we care. "One is too many." If this article helps just one person think differently and seek help, or energizes one other to help another in need then it has served its purpose.
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #2
Jon Rueck Thank you. And on the topic of "One" Three Dog Night https://youtu.be/d5ab8BOu4LE
Joel Anderson
7 years ago #1
Jon Rueck Thank you. And on the topic of "One" Three Dog Night https://youtu.be/d5ab8BOu4LE?t=14