Greg Rolfe

10 months ago · 2 min. reading time · visibility ~10 ·

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Dealing with the difficult

Dealing with the difficult


Well it is now December first and we all know what that means. It is the start of the parties, parties that we must attend, many we look forward to while others will be attended by that person. Yes, we all know that person, the one who makes all the others squirm. Sometimes they are just awkward while others are simply difficult to be around.

So how are we going to handle that person who is just difficult to be around? These people have the power to simply make the place a location you truly don't want to be regardless of the event that brought you all together. Yet we all know we must attend. So how are we going to handle it this year?

We have tried the grin and bear it. Attempt to be nice and simply get through the time, is generally the acceptable course. We spend the time trying to steal the moments we can, enjoying the event knowing that the moments are short-lived. But to be honest this is rarely successful and we only feel relief when the event is over. So what other courses may we take?

It is at this point when we often come to the advice to have a conversation with the person in an attempt to fix the issue or repair a break. I believe the success rate is in the basement for this. Though I believe it is still considered the second most offered option. The first being the grin and bear it. A further option is the go and tell someone in authority of the issue. Now, this option is necessary is if the person is actually breaking company rules or civil rules but other than this it is not truly an option.

Dealing with the difficult is just that, difficult. We deal with people like this on a regular basis it only seems more difficult this time of year due to the added stresses. Dealing with difficult people especially at social events is frustrating due to the lack of social guidelines directing the interaction. But deal we must.

Now I expect more than a couple of you have noticed the one option I have not brought out, skip the event. This is by far the most desired option though it is by necessity the one we are least likely able to use. So deal we must. But how?

For the majority it is a matter of learning their triggers and resets. Though this takes time and patience. If you have the ability to notice what comments or situations increase the persons' conflicts, for some, it is alcohol, while others it might be a verbal confrontation or something as simple as holding a different opinion. Others have more subtle triggers and learning them can be difficult. But if we are able to determine the events that set them off and then avoid these the social gathering is much more agreeable. To truly be successful with this option usually takes a class on psychology but it does work in most cases.

The reality is we all have to deal with the difficult and this year will be no different, though perhaps with Corona we will finally have our git out of jail card. And while I expect we will most often be forced to grin and bear it please know that we are with you and understand the emotions you feel. You might stand alone at the moment but understand that we are with you in spirit and support you from as far away as we can possibly achieve.

Blessings and have a great time with friends and family.


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Greg Rolfe

Greg Rolfe

10 months ago #12

#11
Thank you @ Frani Hoffman

Franci 🐝Eugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador

For some of us older peeps, we get this as we've been in undesirable situations before. Even though not the holidays we have enjoyed in the past, let's be grateful we are around to enjoy them. You're not alone in your feelings and have a blessed and safe holiday season.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

10 months ago #10

#7
Enjoy the season and Merry Christmas!

Greg Rolfe

Greg Rolfe

10 months ago #9

#5
Davia Ward It is nice to know we are not alone. And days like these a reminder goes a long way. Thank you for joining in.

Greg Rolfe

Greg Rolfe

10 months ago #8

#3
Ken Boddie One of the unsung blessings of being old! But I see you have put up with more than one "joyfully" event.

Greg Rolfe

Greg Rolfe

10 months ago #7

#2
Harvey Lloyd that is the exact technique my mom employed in her classroom years ago to great success. She was considered a miracle worker. Not sure what happened to me. Have a fantastic holiday season!

Greg Rolfe

Greg Rolfe

10 months ago #6

#1
Pascal Derrien parties will be reduced and in a few cases, thankfully!

Davia Ward

Davia Ward

10 months ago #5

"You might stand alone at the moment but understand that we are with you in spirit and support you from as far away as we can possibly achieve." Such a meaningful and powerful statement. It's so easy to feel forgotten or lost when not immediately in contact with others, but it's so helpful to keep in mind that we can all be together - even when apart. Thank you for sharing!

John Rylance

John Rylance

10 months ago #4

#3
Very true Ken. On reflection the choices as laid out at the end should take out most of the Bah Humbugs around Christmas. Focusing on Covid-19 elements. The other day on the radio a little boy posed the question should he put some hand sanitizer out with the mince pie and sherry for Santa?

Ken Boddie

Ken Boddie

10 months ago #3

Ah, Greg, the benefit of old age and being in a position to not give a damn and, furthermore, not being expected to give a damn, means that I can and will 'skip' all such work related pseudo-festive events. The chance to mix with a few trusted souls and old workmates is best done, I find, in small cosier settings of my own choice or on a one-on-one catch-up prior to going on holiday. Gone are the days, luckily, of forced attendance and being cornered by one or more office bores or the self promoting "how good am I" verbal diarrhetic empty vessel. Of course, this year, COVID-19 has ensured that pre-festive season well wishing for many will be done by video conference or telephone, making it much easier to catch-up with those who we choose to do so, and to more readily avoid 'that person' or persons.

Harvey Lloyd

Harvey Lloyd

10 months ago #2

I can agree with the final thought if a relationship is what you seek. It is the tried and true way of "seek first to understand then be understood" Steven Covey. Oddly enough this is the exact topic we are dealing with in Acts Chapter 10. Peter is wrestling with the law (perspective) with Gentiles the party poopers. Some dynamic discussions have come from this as we consider operating from grace vs material thinking. But if you really want to temporarily change someone's social behaviours, you have to engage their pride. This is highly manipulative when used for the wrong reasons. It doesn't always work as nothing is bulletproof. Find the guest and let them know that the host is really over loaded this year and is counting on their support for to help carry the yuletide cheer. If they are the host, you can engage their pride through the other guests. I know the guests really look forward to your hosting this party i think they really need some cheering up at this time. Give them a prideful goal. Occasionally you will need to intervene with a positive behavioural support. When you see them doing the behaviour you like go and tell them. Reinforce what you want. Don't reinforce what you don't want. If nothing else you are practicing new behaviour management skills. In essence you ask for the behaviour you want not discuss the behaviour you don't want. Merry Christmas

Pascal Derrien

Pascal Derrien

10 months ago #1

I am going to over play my diabetic card this year... because you know I can and it's legitimate :-) that said parties not really on the agenda in our part of the world

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