Choose Your Discomfort

Or others will choose it for you.

Our son was struggling in high school. His grades were less than average, mostly as a result of not turning in homework. On exams he did just fine. He struggled with paying attention and focusing on each separate subject area.

I'll never understand why our education system does that, breaks each subject into its own silo. Life isn't a bunch of silos. You don't get to choose to do math for a little while, and then maybe do some writing or science. It's all mashed together, so why are schools still teaching them as distinct topics?

It was the middle of the second semester and he was failing more than one class. I asked him to take a walk with me up the mountain behind our house. We had been walking for about 10 minutes when I broached the topic:

What's going on with you?

He walked in front of me, slowed down, and stopped. When he turned to answer me, he had tears in his eyes. He told me how hard he tried, he told me he just couldn't keep up. He told me he thought he might just be stupid. He's not. It was everything in me not to cry, to gather this big kid, double my size, into my arms and protect him from every kind of pain. But that's not what he needed from me.

I let him go down that rabbit hole of sadness for a few minutes, listened to all of what was bothering him. And then I stopped him.

Okay. I understand the environment you're in is simply not working for you. So let's figure out what's next. Instead of focusing on what you couldn't do in the past, let's talk about what we need to do to see you succeed tomorrow, the next day, and a few years down the road.

We talked about a few different options, discussed the benefits and disadvantages of each, and settled on a great alternative program available through the school district. He would go to the community college campus for the last of his required high school credits, and graduate a semester early. The program uses a college-style structure; each student is responsible for his own attendance. Parents/caregivers are no longer able to excuse a student; the student must call in himself. The classes are like college, too, five hours per week, either one hour each day, or two hours twice per week and one hour on Friday. They cram a year of high school academics into a semester of school, just like college, and they limit the number of classes a student can take. But the most important part of this program's success, as far as our son is concerned, is that the classes are somewhat integrated. What he was reading in his US Government class qualifies as reading in his English class. Students discussed all aspects of history in the US History class, from ethics to economics, from politics to human rights.

He knew he needed to get that diploma, and he decided how to address his discomfort: Stay in the standard high school and play the game, or change his environment. It wasn't an easy decision, and they weren't easier classes. But he made his own CHOICE, which made everything different.

If you don't choose your discomfort or pain, others will choose it for you. It's your responsibility to continue to grow and learn, and to keep your curiosity and spark. If you stagnate, you have no one to blame but yourself.

Sarah Elkins is a professional coach and consultant, helping people and businesses improve their communication through

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