Wounding Words & Wavering Hearts ... “Get married or else”

“Hurting”

… hurting people, hurt people …

… a thousand pieces of me and a thousand pieces of you

… scattered on the floor like shards of glass

… eyes that can’t see

… ears that can’t hear

… hearts that are disconnected

… building walls in the heart is blind art

… in my heart … the light is turned off

(excerpt from “Hurting” by me ;~ fem-vietmeier)

I was prompted to write a response to this eye-catching buzz:

• "My Girlfriend of 7 Years, asked me to MARRY HER in 3 MONTHS, or SHE'll DUMP ME!"

  https://www.bebee.com/producer/@renoygeorge/my-girlfriend-of-7-years-asked-me-to-marry-her-in-3-months-or-she-ll-dump-me

  Details will be different for every couple but the scenario described is probably not all that unusual and that is why I’m sharing these thoughts. Here are a few important things to consider which might illumine understanding.

  … Living outside-in or inside-out … externals Vs internals

  We live in a culture that often finds people living their lives on the surface … People are focused too much on externals (what you do, where you live, appearance, material possessions, financial wealth, etc) 

  A wrong-focus on externals sends a strong message & a wrong message: “what you do is more important than who you are” … this “outside-in perspective” loses sight of what is truly valuable.  As a result, our focus is diverted from the internals (heart-spirit-soul)

  The wrong-focus on “self” is producing a culture of self-centered, thin-skinned people who are easily offended and often are unable to communicate in an honest, authentic or meaningful way (unless of course you agree with them … because everything is about them) Self-centeredness is detrimental to all relationships.

  … Expectations … we all have them

  It is vital to a healthy relationship to understand the expectations of each person (both people have expectations but probably have NOT articulated them well or CLEARLY)

  … Be willing and able to compromise. This is an act of the will with a level of competency

  I shared this thought on compromise when talking with @AliAnani @JohnRylance here:

  https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ali-anani/the-symbiotic-relationship-between-opposites

  Some things can be compromised … some cannot.

  Wisdom is required.

  Compromise is important (especially in close relationships) but we must guard against compromising more important values (TRUTH-personal integrity)
  A good rule is that the closer the relationship, the greater need to compromise. The key is gaining understanding of why a person "feels" the way they feel. It’s better lose a battle than a war ;~)

  … Or a beautiful, committed relationship …

  A formula to consider for improving communication, compromise & understanding:

  MORE of thee & less of me ~ fem-v

  … Understanding with heart …

  I loved the science fiction quadrilogy by Kay Kenyon: The Entire & the Rose

  In this series Kenyon created many beautiful & interesting sentient creatures for the Entire … creatures not of earth but mirroring earth. One of them, the onyx are horse-like creatures. Riders are blinded & bound for life to their mount and they communicate “heart-to-heart

  Learn to be a “heart-to-heart” communicator … this is the key to genuine intimacy

  Everything comes down to the heart (years of emotional data reside in the heart)

  “Above all else guard your heart, for it is the well-spring of life” ~ Proverbs 4

  Growth is a process ~ a “sowing & reaping” process. This truth: what you feed grows

  Simultaneously growth is occurring: as a couple and as an individually

  Wisdom, maturity and a reordering of priorities is required. Outcomes are determined by the level of consciousness & the cooperation of each person.

  Qualities to cultivate for a richer life together:

  • Be committed … no wavering
  • Be together “for better or for worse”
  • Be a “heart-to-heart communicator”
  • Be forgiving (rehearsing problems produces anger & resentment)
  • Be willing & able to compromise (an act of the will with a level of competency)
  • Be a good listener
  • Be responsible
    
  • Be respectful
  • Be thoughtful
  • Be grateful
  • Be the one who speaks edifying words
  • Be the one who “blossoms”

  https://www.bebee.com/producer/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania/what-do-your-words-say-about-you

  https://www.bebee.com/producer/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania/becoming-your-best-you-and-how-the-light-helps-you-grow

  Back to:

  "My Girlfriend of 7 Years, asked me to MARRY HER in 3 MONTHS, or SHE'll DUMP ME!"

  Given that there is much we do NOT know/ important & relevant information about the conflicted couple … but being together 7 years, I’d cut to the chase … and pointedly ask:

  Do you love this woman?

  Do you love this man?

  IF the un-hesitating response from BOTH is “Yes”

  Then commit … be together (do not wait to achieve some “list of goals” … this is avoidant behavior)

  Women want security … which ultimately means marriage.

  Men need to be respected.

  This is how God wired His human creatures.

  For thousands of years of human history, genuine “commitment” between two people who “love” each other is demonstrated by marriage. (I know couples who lived together … even for years … and have witnessed enrichment & growth in their relationship after  the “commitment” to marry)

  The thought occurs to me that people need to value themselves more highly and not give away what can never be regained: “Don’t enjoy the fruit if you don’t legally own the tree” ~fem-v

  Closing with a note of optimism … I hope they say “I Do”

  Sharing this heart-warming poem from the Good Witch series:

  “I Do”

  They are about to say 'I do', three little letters, two little words. 
  It’s the simplest part of the day; but there is nothing simple about the things
  that will remain unsaid.
  'I do' means I do know I could be hurt, but I am ready to be healed with you.
  It means I do want to try, even when the fear of failure holds me back.
  And I do not know the future, but I am ready to be surprised along the way.
  'I do' means I do want your love & I do give you mine.
  And nothing we do will ever be the same, because we will be doing it all together.                  

  If my words make you think … Great ;~) Please let me know your thoughts because “iron sharpens iron” ... Feel free to share this post and if my words resonated in some way … click “Like or Relevant” … your feedback is an encouragement

  A glimpse of this writer ;~) I’m a heart-to-heart communicator.

  My curious nature makes me a “queen of questions” … but gifted with the ability to listen ;~) I'm a woman of deep faith, a blessed mother, a voracious reader, a blossoming writer, a grateful person, a grateful citizen and a lover of beauty … I treasure family, true friendships and my loyal clients ... enjoy traveling, learning, good movies, good wine and golf.

  https://www.bebee.com/@fay-vietmeier-pennsylvania

  https://www.linkedin.com/in/faymarmalichvietmeier/detail/recent-activity/shares/