WORLD LEADERS PRAISE TRUMP’S DECISION TO GIVE TURKEY OPEN SEASON ON KURDS

Donald J. Trump had a “perfect phone call” with Turkish President Erdogan on Sunday. Then, he made “an excellent decision”–– the U.S. would leave its allies the Kurds to go it alone in Syria.

“The Kurds are good people,” Trump said. “They helped us a lot in fighting ISIS. Something like 10,000 Kurds died. And we won–– I defeated ISIS. That was my idea. But now I’m bored with all the wars. And the Turkish president said we don’t need to be there, so, I’m pulling out. And that’s something I rarely do,” the president raised his eyebrows and punched this reporter’s arm.

“I almost never pull out–– get it?” he asked. “Like with a woman. Pulling out.” The president smiled at his clever naughtiness and continued.

“Some people are upset with my decision. They say I’m turning my back on our allies. That’s bullshit. Those people are very stupid and wrong. The Kurds can stand up for themselves. They’re adults. They’ll do fine on their own.”

With U.S. Troops leaving Syria, the Kurds left guarding ISIS prisoners now face their historical rivals, The Turks, as they invade the country. Foreign policy experts believe the Turkish army will slaughter the Kurds and release the ISIS prisoners re-igniting terrorist turmoils in the Mideast and worldwide.

“A lot of these fears are just speculation,” Trump told The Lint Screen. “I don’t believe any of that bad stuff will happen. I think ISIS knows it lost fair and square and they will go back to their homeland, ISIS-Land–– which is up by Iceland and Greenland. By the way, Greenland, if you’re listening, I have such a deal to buy you. Call me. Let’s talk.”

The president seems very pleased with himself.

“After I made my decision to leave Syria, I heard from powerful, strong leaders in Turkey, Russia, and Iran telling me that I am a very great president. The best president ever. And they think I will be easily re-elected in 2020. They all promised to look into the Biden corruption problem. These leaders also said the impeachment is the biggest witch hunt ever. Everyone says so.”

Trump gazed lovingly into a mirror.

“You are the chosen one, Donald. You have great and unmatched wisdom.”

He began drooling.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).