Why talking about love can be so frustrating

Love appears to be a much more difficult subject to discuss than I originally believed it would be. I expect that this difficultly derives from the vast array of definitions we have for this single word. We all have an understanding of the word “love” but that does not mean our understandings of the word are similar. According to Psychology Today there are 9 types of love.

So I expect if I want to discuss “love your neighbor” or “love you enemy” I need to define the word love. In this context many will recognize the scriptural reference and either assume they know what I am saying or get frustrated that someone is discussing that which is impossible. Both responses are believed accurate by those making them which is the very issue I am discussing.

A true love is the love most of us are looking for. This love is not the simple hormonal response to seeing something we like, nor the emotional leap obtained from the “correct” phrase. The love most people desire is the type of love that instills value in us. The type of love that says I value you regardless of how you act or respond. The type of love that lets us make mistakes. A love that hold us to a standard not because they are perfect but because they know we are worth it.

This type of love is what holds relationships together, the type of love that encourages a friend to get up and try again. Love you enemy is not about having no boundaries or standards it is about recognizing that they have value. In truth this value may not be inherent in them; in fact usually it is not. The value that most of us have is simply that someone loves us; a love that gives value not takes it.

Most relationships are based on a love that takes value from their partners, which is why they so often fail. In scripture when Jesus says love your enemy He is saying, love them, simply because I love them and that gives them value. We may not see the value in one we disagree with, we may not see the value in many people but does that mean they are not worthy of being loved? Too many sadly the answer is yes. True love does not remove a standard of behavior it simply declares their belief in our ability to live up to it. True love does not stop loving when we fail to meet that standard; instead it gathers us up to try again.

Now when I say that should “choose your friends wisely” you might have a chance to understand.

Blessings