What Happens When You Take the Suppress Off Your Communication...

When I work with individuals one on one, I find right away they have a lot to communicate.

But what is readily observable is they have a lot of communication that is also on suppress.

What does this mean, “on suppress?”

Well as an example, if you really wanted to tell a man or woman you loved them and that was the communication you weren’t saying, then that communication is “on suppress,” or being suppressed.

See?

And I’ll bring in my good friends Merriam-Webster to introduce suppress.

Suppress: prevent the development, action, or expression of (a feeling, impulse, idea, etc.); restrain.

See, you’re basically preventing or restraining the expression of a feeling, idea, or action.

Megan: “Damn. I do that a lot.”

Yes.

Most people do.

And since a feeling or idea is on suppress, the more it’s not expressed, the more it gets suppressed.

Wild, yes?

Eric: “I’ve just never told her. I don’t know. I just...I just can’t seem to just tell her.”

Yep.

That’s because the only way a communication of yours can get held in limbo or on suppress, is for you to have the exact same amount of energy or attention on that communication to not to say it.

You may need to read that again.

See, you have an intention to communicate something.

And there appears to be this stop or barrier to communicating it.

It’s done with mirrors.

You think it’s because of what she will say.

You think it’s because you can’t experience her reaction.

You think it’s because you’ve thought of the consequences if she reacts badly or differently or you end up embarrassed. 

You have to look closely at the magician's hands.

They’re actually your hands.

See, all of that above, all of it...has not happened yet.

It’s so simple its crazy.

All of the “what if’s?” about what Megan will think or how she''ll react are all where?

They are in your mind.

So, Eric is getting himself all worked up over something he’s inventing.

Eric has not told Megan he loves her or his feelings for her because why?

Because Eric has put those Houdini handcuffs on himself.

The Virus of Suppress:

This word suppress, restrain, inhibit and many other synonyms about holding down or holding back were discovered to be first appearing our language around the 14th and 15th Century.

Let’s visit the 15th Century for a moment just for fun and see how this might have played out. 

Can you imagine the possible suppress going on with Christopher Columbus?

Thomas: “Hey Chris...what’s with all the nervous energy? You need to cut down on your double espressos in the morning, man.”

Christopher: “Nah...it’s not that. It’s this finding America thing, you know. I think about it. Then I suppress it. I think I ought to go find it and then I don’t. I talk to guys about being my crew. Most think I’m nuts. I dunno. I talk to the Queen about it and she looks at me odd.”

I’m quite sure Chris had his moments where he just put on suppress this whole finding America idea, you know?

Or let’s be a fly on a wall in a conversation with Michelangelo when in 1498 he’s considering sculpting the now world famous Pieta statue out of marble. 

Jonathan: “Hey Mike...what’s up man? What ya workin’ on next?”

Michelangelo: “I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about an idea. Maybe sculpt it in marble. I don’t know. I can imagine it but then I don’t know. People might not like it. I’ve been carrying around this idea in my head. Ran it by my girlfriend. “Marble? she said. “Come on Mike. That’s crazy.” I tell friends and they say "stick to painting." You know, I think I’m going to sit on it for awhile.”

Listen: You have ideas. You have great ideas. Big ideas. You have thoughts or feelings you want to express. 

You do. 

And whether they are big, small, embarrassing, romantic, audacious, extremely personal, erotic, financially crazy, or just whatever it is you need to express, it’s knocking on your door.

You wake up with it on your mind.

You think about it as you drive to work or back home from work.

This communication is on suppress.  

And I assure you, if you stop and take a look at the idea, thought, or feeling you have not said, it is in suspension. 

It’s why you chew on it.

It’s why you wake up with it.

It’s why it’s the idea foremost in your mind while you’re having light conversation banter at dinner.

It’s in suspension.

And the illusion in this magic trick is that you mistakenly think that it’s the reaction or response from the other person that keeps it held there.

Nope.

You do.

The proof in this is that when Eric is out with Megan who he’s been dating for a month decides out of nowhere to just get the suppress off his communication turns to her and says:  

“I’ve been meaning to tell you something but just couldn’t get myself to say this. I’m in love with you, Megan.”

Bang.

The elephant disappears. 

Everything Eric was holding in suspension just up and evaporates.

Swwiisssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhh.

Why All the Fear?

If you take a closer look, the fact is there first had to be an idea expressed, see?

“I am going to tell my boss I deserve a raise.”

See, just an idea.

And then the boss says unequivocally, “No.”

At the moment one takes that on board, i.e. the moment one takes that idea coming back as something upsetting or as something that could stop you, you're toast. 

All counter-ideas, counter-thoughts, counter-emotions have to be elected. 

Yes, they can be hurtful, rude, insensitive, and repulsive.

But that’s only something you assigned to it.

See, if you didn’t think it was rude you wouldn't receive it that way.

When you put a memory tab on an experience where you feel that you “don’t want to experience that again,” then sure enough when you get ready to even consider taking the suppress off, what’s the first thing that will come into your mind?

That you "don't want to experience that again."

So, it appears that how Megan will react is the reason for Eric holding back or putting his communication on suppress. 

No. People pin the tail on the wrong donkey.

The master magician is you.

You’ve figured out that by keeping things on suppress, you don’t get laughed at, ridiculed, or embarrassed.

Wow! You're better than David Copperfield!

Let’s take one last stroll through the 15th Century because there were a lot of cats with some big ideas that holy moly somehow got whatever suppress they had off and went for it. 

Let’s be a fly on the wall with Johannes Gutenberg, the European inventor of printing with movable type.

Johannes: “Hey Mom...I’m gonna invent a printing press. You know. So all these ideas people have can be made into books.”

Mom: “A printing what?” Johannes, Did you clean your room?”

Imagine for a moment what the hell was going through Johannes’s mind at that time. There was no movable type. You know, like pretend your keyboard or typewriter up and vanished right now.

Do you think that when Johannes got this idea everyone just swooned over it? That they were doing cartwheels down the cobble streets knocking over bread carts?

I’m making this point because if people can stop for a moment and look at what communication they have on suppress or in suspension they have taken the first to getting in real comm.

Let’s take the reverse look to drive this point home.

What if you are Megan?

What if Megan feels Eric is in love with her but he has not told her?

What if she wonders if he is in love with her or not?

And what if she’s in love with him but “doesn’t want to be the first to say?”

If we roll the videotape back before Eric picked up Megan she’s in the bathroom putting on her make-up. She’s thinking, “I should just tell him. I want to. I just don’t know what he will think. Maybe it’s too soon. Ugh.”

And Eric’s driving to Megan’s house and he’s thinking “I need to tell her. She needs to know how I really feel. But we’ve only known each other for a month. It’s probably too soon.”

Both Eric and Megan have communications on suppress.

Who knows for how long?

And really, what happens when one or both take the suppress off?

You discover America.

You create the Pieta.

You have a printing press so guys like me can express my ideas and thoughts to you guys here. 

If you have any areas of your personal life you have attention on and want to improve, just click on the link below for a free phone consultation. There is no obligation to do anything else. There is no pitch. And there is nothing to buy. 

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