Well, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?
Hey, listen! Listen.
Listen to the silence.
Listen to the noise.
Listen to the birds chirp, the clock tick, the babies giggle, and the wind blow.
Oh! You can’t hear those sounds? Why not? Are you too busy talking?
How many times do we stop our own voice and listen to another’s? Yeah, that’s what I thought. How many times do we wait — as patiently as we can — for the other person to pause (even for a microsecond) so we can just
jump right in with our own stuff?
We weren’t listening . . . we were waiting. Not the same thing at all.
A couple of years ago I went out on a first (and last) date with a guy who was maybe full of himself or maybe just nervous; I never determined exactly. Maybe a third option existed. Maybe even a fourth. We had talked on the phone the day before, and for about 30 minutes, all he did was talk. Seriously.
He talked nonstop about himself for 30 minutes straight.
Well, not so good, but I thought we at least made a tiny connection, and he offered to take me to lunch the next day. He also offered to drive about 30 minutes to go to a restaurant near my home, one he'd gone to before and enjoyed.
So, OK. But I also heard that little voice in my head saying, “Watch out. He’s probably gonna talk your ears off again.”
That little voice knew something.
I watched him get out of his very nice car, look me up and down, sort of smile, and then launch back into the “talk till I drop” mode. I think he picked up where he had left off the day before. He had to stop when we got to the front reception desk to give his name, and while we were walking to our table, but then he started up again.
He talked pretty much nonstop for the next 90 minutes.
Now, did he ask me any questions or exhibit any interest in me at all? Sort of. You see my headline above, right? Yeah, about like that. He hijacked every point I made, showing me endlessly his version of things for five or ten minutes each time. It was just easier for me to nod, eat, and plot my escape.
Oh, did I mention he made almost no eye contact? And that the one thing he focused on with me was my rotten marketing efforts for my own business?
You know you can’t make this stuff up, right?
Reality: When we talk about ourselves nonstop, no matter the situation, we turn almost everyone else off. We can come across as anything from arrogant to clueless. Sometimes we get the other person so upset we don’t recover the relationship, whatever it might have been. Sometimes, when we’re talking to a prospective client, we lose a sale.
And this post, which I first published in June 2015, was originally sparked by another story, written by Bob Musial. Then, just a couple of days ago, Larry Boyer, 🐝 Brand Ambassador, wrote one along these lines, which prompted me to find my original one. And so it goes.
I do listen more carefully to that little voice in my head these days; it is mine, after all. I also talk a little less and listen a lot more to others, as you can see from my recent post.
So the burning questions for you, my readers: What does listening mean to you? How do you quiet your own voice? Do you have a great story that makes this point, too? I would love to see it and share it with my network. Let’s continue to learn from each other’s goofs and triumphs!
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Thanks for taking the time to read this post. If you enjoyed it, I hope you will . . .
Find it relevant and/or share it, so your connections can see it and perhaps learn too.
Comment, so you can be seen by my connections. You never know who would be interested in YOU! (Ask Deb Helfrich how well it worked for her!)
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Do the associates in your company look and sound as smart as they are? They would if they could take one of my Brush Up on Your Skills workshops right where they work. If your company hires outside experts to teach any topic to its associates, I would appreciate your sharing my posts and website with your Human Resources or Training Manager.Are you a member of an association or other group that is looking for a speaker for one of its meetings? There are many communication-based topics that I could talk about that would make for a lighthearted and interesting presentation.
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Comments
David B. Grinberg
7 years ago #25
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #24
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #23
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #22
I also blather sometimes, Todd Jones; I think we all do. But I have learned that it doesn't work, again as most of us finally do!
Devesh 🐝 Bhatt
7 years ago #21
chewing silently. Have to learn that :) thanks
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #20
Avanthi Raj! That's a wonderful way of "seeing" it that I wouldn't have thought of. Thanks so much for sharing that!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #19
While we've all probably been guilty of using the ears and mouth in reverse proportion, Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, most of us realize at some point we need to listen more and talk less.
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #18
And it all is our personal experience, Devesh Bhatt! I prefer conversations that go both ways, but that particular date was definitely all about him! His family. His friends. His work. His career. The only time he was silent was when he was chewing (thank goodness). Thanks for taking the time to comment here! I really appreciate it.
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #17
laughing again, Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher! Too darn funny, even though I know it wasn't at the time!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #16
Funny video, @Brian McKenzie! Thanks!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #15
Oh, yes, Rod Loader, he ignored me completely. As I mentioned, not even much eye contact. I don't know if he is just odd, awkward, shy -- or maybe on the Autism spectrum -- Asperger's, which my grandson has -- but it was one weird date!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #14
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #13
I'm not the only one who can speed up her chatter? ;-) I don't mind if a person talks a bit faster or a little more than I may. What I do mind is when someone dominates, talks about themselves as you noted about this man... talks non-stop as if they are the center of the universe LOL. I love a good back and forth with others! I love talking face to face- I find that tends to go better because people are using more of their senses. I have a good friend who LOVES to talk, she has me beat by far and if we chat on the phone there are times I put my phone down for a few seconds to catch my spinning head and when I pick it back up she's still talking. I once interrupted her (as in conversing) after listening for about 10 minutes and when I cut in to share my thoughts, she said, "Excuse me, I was talking!" I can laugh about it now but I was so pissed when she did that. I told her face to face how that made me feel and she said she was having a bad evening and felt bad as soon as we hung up. She apologized and it was sincere. She's a gabber but she's also a very giving, compassionate person. I'm glad I said something to her or I might have written her off. I'm glad I made you laugh. Chatters United!
Devesh 🐝 Bhatt
7 years ago #12
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #11
Aaron Skogen, I don't even try to type on my iPhone; it's not worth the hassle. My fingers aren't fat, but on an iPhone, they ARE! No worries. Always glad to hear from you!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #10
Oh, I'm laughing out loud at your comments, Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher! I do talk a mile a minute when I forget or get excited (which happens a lot!), so sometimes I do overwhelm folks. And like you, I need someone to respond back to me! Of course, that man didn't let me get a word in edgewise . . . it was pretty funny and terribly sad, all at the same time. But one heck of a lesson!
Lisa Gallagher
7 years ago #9
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #8
Thanks for loving the headline, Paul Walters! And if you love this one, how about my one to Networkers? That will probably always be my favorite; I don't see how I can top it. I've seen that headline before, but I never expected to actually use it! But that date! When I say he talked non-stop, I mean non-stop. He barely breathed. In its own way, it was fascinating . . .
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #7
Sarah Elkins, I do the same thing! I do know that usually women talk more than men, but sometimes I think I do enough for three or four other women combined! It's always a work in progress.
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #6
ah, @Rosemety Roman, I am as guilty as anyone for talking too much, but somewhere along the line I usually realize I need to SHUT UP (hopefully before others have that thought). Friends are in a different category, and sometimes I see my friends just needing to talk. Different story altogether. And since this topic interests you, be sure to check out both Bob Musial's and Larry Boyer's articles; the links are in my post. Same general topic, totally different treatment. Fascinating!
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #5
Heck, Aaron Skogen, at least I got a nice lunch. And he wasn't evil or nasty, just oddly talkative. It's also possible he is on the Autism spectrum, something my oldest grandson is; Danny talks a blue streak if you let him because he doesn't read non-verbal signals very well. At any rate, it makes for a good story and it's a great reminder to us all -- even MOI -- to shut up now and again. Rest the vocal muscles. Let the ears do the work.
Sarah Elkins
7 years ago #4
Paul Walters
7 years ago #3
Susan 🐝 Rooks, The Grammar Goddess
7 years ago #2
Larry Boyer
7 years ago #1