Wednesday Words: Who and Whom

From what I've seen over the 20+ years I've been helping business professionals (re)learn the finer points of American grammar, very few folks know how to use who and whom.

Seriously. You probably do not. So I thought I'd see if a post on just these two words might help.

Directly from my Brush Up on Your American Grammar Skills workbook:

Who and whom follow the basic pronoun rules: "Who" is always the subject of a sentence, and "whom" is always the object of the sentence, a verb, or a preposition.

 Here’s how you know which to use: 

• Always start with the clause (the group of words) following who or whom. 
• First, try a simple substitution: he for who and him for whom. If he fits, use who. If him fits, use whom. (And we use the masculine pronouns because he sounds like who, and him sounds like whom.)
• If that doesn't help, rewrite the clause to help you see which pronoun to use.

Here are a few examples for you from the workbook -- and yes, there are answers at the bottom.

• May I tell her (who/whom) is calling?
• The question of (who/whom) should pay for the cleanup is bothering me!
• You may vote for (whoever/whomever) appeals to you.
• You may vote for (whoever/whomever) you wish.
• (Who/Whom) were you talking to?

The answers are 1=who; 2=who; 3=whoever; 4=whomever; 5: (grammatically = whom; reality = who)

Let's take the first one and substitute he or him for the who/whom: Would you ever say "him is calling"? Nope. You would say "he is calling." Since the pronoun he fits, use who.

The second one is similar: He should pay. Therefore, who should pay is correct.

The third and fourth ones show the reason we always start with the words following who or whom to figure out which to use. In those two sentences, the first four words are the same, but the answer is different.

#3: whoever (he appeals to you).

#4: whomever -- there's no way to substitute he or him in this sentence. But we still start with the words following who/whom -- "You wish" -- and then add them to the first words of the sentence. "You wish you may vote for . . . him."

And #5 flies in the face of all the rules because even if you correctly choose whom, no one will want to talk with you. It will sound odd, pretentious, and just plain weird.

The actual sentence is "Were you talking to him?" So, technically -- grammatically -- we should use whom. But in this case, go with what is typically used, which is who, especially in conversation. No point in weirding anyone out!

I will admit it's easier to talk this through with a group of people than to write it, and I can only hope the explanations here make some sense to you.

And now that you've waded through all that stuff above, here are a couple of "hacks" to help you keep your sanity -- even if you forget everything above.

#1: If you're not sure which to use, use WHO (especially in speech). It's unremarkable. It'll pass without comment. It'll keep conversations flowing. Hardly anyone will even notice.

#2: If the word following who or whom is a verb (an action word or a state of being word), use WHO. The verb needs a subject, and who is the right choice.*

• Who shoveled the snow? Who was shoveling the snow?
• Who went to college in LA? Who is going to college in LA?
• May I tell her who called yesterday? May I tell her who is calling?
• Who grew up in Boston? Who has grown up in Boston?
• Who came down the chimney Christmas Eve? Who will be coming down the chimney?
• Who attended last New Year's Eve party? Who will be at this year's party?
• Who (maybe) finally understands how to use who and whom?

Otherwise, use whom (but see Hack #1, above).

Simple enough? Does this help? 

*To whom were you talking -- another way of writing/saying that sentence -- is an exception. Whom is correct there (even though it precedes a verb) because it's the object of a preposition (to). But normally, Hack #2 works just fine.

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