TRUMP TRIUMPHS AT G-7, WORLD APPLAUDS HIS LEADERSHIP

He’s done it again. Just when you think President Donald J. Trump couldn’t possibly do a better job at presidenting, he goes and proves you wrong!

The big man stormed the beaches of France for the G-7 Conference. The leaders of France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Canada, and the United Kingdom cowered to this American president.

“He is so incredibly smart,” said a person who attended the meetings. “When Trump spoke, the other leaders looked on with their mouths wide open in disbelief. How could anyone be so smart and so stable? The man is incredible.”

Trump explained how he easily won his trade war with China. “Just like I said I would,” he told The Lint Screen. “Winning trade wars is easy. I am an amazing dealmaker. It’s what I do. And a lot of people say I do it better than anyone who’s ever lived.”

The president also unveiled a radical idea to defeat hurricanes.

“Just nuke them,” he said. “When the weather gets crazy, you have to show it who’s boss. And that’s what I’m going to do.”

The other world leaders also loved the idea of meeting next year at Trump’s Doral resort in Miami.

“We heard it has ‘bungalows’–– can you imagine such a thing?!” said French President Macron. “I imagine it also probably has indoor plumbing.”

And Trump even had the leaders drooling as he described the delicious chocolate cake. “It’s the most beautiful piece of cake in the world. Believe me. Fantastic cake!”

The other leaders asked Trump’s advice on climate change.

“Don’t worry about that,” he said. “It’s all a Chinese hoax. And all the ice melting is going to make for some incredible real estate opportunities.”

The president lectured the reporters gathered about the cost his presidency has taken.

“Had I not decided to save America,” Trump said, “I could have made five to seven billion dollars easy. That’s what it’s costing me to make America great again. But I had to do it after all the carnage Obama caused. Obama made our country a laughingstock! I had to restore respect for our nation.”

We are lucky to have our man representing us to the world. Thank you, sir!

And if we all could kick in a couple of grand, we might be able to help the president make up for his lost revenue opportunities.

Let’s go, people!

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).