TRUMP SAVES NOTRE DAME CATHEDRAL

Had Obama been president yesterday, Notre Dame Cathedral would be a pile of smoldering ashes today.

But fortunately, God gave us Donald J. Trump!

When Notre Dame Cathedral erupted in flames Monday, President Trump happened to be walking by a television set and saw live coverage of the tragedy.

“The president almost never watches TV,” press secretary Sarah Sanders told The Lint Screen. “He doesn’t have time for TV, he’s usually hard at work. Goodness knows he rarely relaxes or lollygags about.”

Trump was shocked by what he saw on the news.

“The big pretty church was on fire,” he said. “A lot of people don’t know this but fire is hot. Very, very hot. Fire bad. It can be hot and dangerous. I saw that the fire could destroy that beautiful building.”

So, the commander-in-chief of the USA rolled up his sleeves to save the jewel of France!

“I immediately sent a Tweet,” Trump said. “I said perhaps flying water tankers could put out the fire. You know, water has more uses than just drinking and taking showers–– it’s actually very good at extinguishing fires. Not many people know that. But you have to act fast because fire spreads like wildfire. Water can stop a fire if you act fast!”

Sure enough, Trump saw on TV that the French firefighters began using hoses pumping water to battle the flames engulfing Notre Dame.

“I’m glad the French people listened to me,” the American commander-in-fire chief said. “Notre Dame is a great place. They have a tremendous football team. But why did this tragedy happen? Why would God burn one of His own houses of worship? By the way, God is like Trump, very good at branding his buildings. I think God set the fire to send a message–– He doesn’t want the Democrats to see Trump’s tax returns. They’re not smart enough to understand them. The Democrats got God angry so he sent a burning cathedral instead of a burning bush as a message.”

The president took a deep breath, drank some water and continued.

“I also think God burning Notre Dame was His way of saying He didn’t like Mueller’s witch hunt. It was very unfair. But the Mueller report said there was absolutely no collusion no obstruction. None. So the Notre Dame fire is God’s way of saying the Democrats need to leave Trump alone. Let him get back to work making America great again. God is very smart and the American people would be smart to listen to Him. Let me do my job. Or else.”

Amen!

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).