TRUMP’S TRIP TO COMFORT SHOOTING VICTIMS A HUGE SUCCESS

President Trump continues to unite America better than any leader in U.S. history.

Following two horrific mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton, our fearless leader jumped on Air Force One with his beautiful and very sexy bride Melania. He brought his big heart to console the survivors.

"The state and city officials were begging the president to come," Stephen Miller, senior adviser, and Trump favorite said. "The populations of El Paso and Dayton welcomed the president with enthusiasm. They needed his presence to help them heal."

The president and first lady went to Del Sol medical center in El Paso and posed for a photo with two-month-old Paul Anchondo. The child's parents were slaughtered in the shooting.

"This picture will be a keepsake for that orphan," Miller said. "Not many people have a pic with both the president and first lady."

Miller said the president was upset at the coverage he received for his trips to El Paso and Dayton.

"The fake news media has Trump delusional syndrome," Miller said. "They have no appreciation for how great a job he's doing. He supports second amendment rights and has been very vocal about opposing mass shootings. The president believes the problem is video games. That causes white men to snap and grab their artillery. They think it's a game. Science proves it."

Miller seemed agitated as if he was explaining a known truth. He took a deep breath and continued.

"President Trump also hates the media for its continual villainizing of white supremacists. These people are American citizens, and he thinks all U.S. citizens should be loved and accepted for who they are."

Miller believes the president's trip was a huge success.

"We got a lot of terrific photos we can use in the Trump 2020 campaign, and I think people feel much better about his visiting and being really sad about the shootings. That's what presidents do, and he was very presidential!"

Miller then vanished in a puff of smoke, leaving behind the stench of sulfur and rotten cabbage.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).