Trump's Cheat Sheet for N. Korea Summit

While Donald Trump may have “a very good brain” but he still needs a little assistance getting ready for his upcoming North Korean Summit with Kim Jong Un on June 12.

The Lint Screen has obtained a copy of the confidential “cheat sheet” for the president as he prepares for tough negotiations with the North Korean leader.

OP SECRET CLASSIFIED DOCUMENT FOR YOUR EYES ONLY

(WH STAFF — DO NOT LEAK, LEAKERS WILL BLEED!)

• DO NOT call Kim Jong Un “Little Rocket Man”
• Yes, “Little Rocket Man” is a brilliant nickname
• Kim Jong Un is Asian, do not be alarmed
• North Korea is different from South Korea — like North Dakota, and South Dakota are different places
• South Korea GOOD, North Korea BAD!
• There is NO East Korea or West Korea
• No, we do not know why that is. It just is.
• Do not believe Kim Jong Un if he says he is a big fan of THE APPRENTICE
• N. Korea is a communist state, communists are supposed to be our enemies
• N. Korea has nuclear bombs; we do NOT want them to have nuclear bombs
• Nuclear bombs are bad in enemy hands — they go BOOM!
• DO NOT offer to give Kim Jong Un our nuclear bombs
• DO NOT negotiate for shiny buttons or magic beans
• DO NOT negotiate for Diet Cokes or juicy burgers
• Do NOT negotiate to put a Trump property in N. Korea (maybe next trip)
• YOUR GOAL is to get agreement for complete “denuclearization” by N. Korea — we’ll explain what “denuclearization” means later
• Yes, “denuclearization” is a funny word
• Do NOT mention “Libya” or “Libyan solution”… PLEASE!
• NO Tweeting at the negotiating table
• Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s hairstyle
• Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s height
• Do NOT comment on Kim Jong Un’s poor English
• Do NOT have prostitutes urinate on the bed. There could be cameras.
• Try not to brag about the size of your inauguration crowd
• You are the BEST negotiator ever, you have made many great deals, the best deals, tremendous deals!!!
• ACT PRESIDENTIAL! YOU ARE VERY PRESIDENTIAL!!!!!!!

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time writer, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).

Thanks for reading.