TRUMP ORDERS DRAGONS FOR HIS FOREIGN POLICY NEGOTIATIONS

President Donald J. Trump is a student of history. He has been studying famous battles and warfare and has decided what the United States of America needs isn’t nuclear bombs, aircraft carriers, fighter jets, or stealth bombers.

No.

What we need are dragons!

“I think dragons can be game changers for us,” the prez told The Lint Screen in an exclusive phone interview. “Most people don’t know this but dragons breathe fire. Not only that, but they can also fly! They’re actually flying flame throwers––and that’s a deadly combination. Dragons will be a tremendous weapon for us!”

The president has charged the Pentagon with securing at least a thousand dragons.

“I want a dragon force second to none,” the commander-in-chief said. “If we have a first-rate dragon crew, we can rule the world.”

Trump believes the dragons will also be crucial in some of his current foreign policy negotiations.

“Give me dragons, and watch Iran fall in line,” the big man said. “Dragons will also give me in an edge in my trade war with China, and in my nuclear talks with my buddy the Kimster. When fire talks, people listen.”

President Trump sniffed repeatedly and continued. “I can also use dragons to keep crooked Hillary, the looney libs, and Mueller and his witch hunters in check. They’re very unfair to me and my family.”

Asked if he got the idea of using dragons from watching Game of Thrones on Sunday night, the president looked miffed.

“Game of what?” he said with a quizzical stare. “I never heard of Game of Drones. Listen, I don’t want more drones, I need dragons! Get me my dragons! I can rule the world and the seven kingdoms.”

And with that, he returned to his throne.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He has an upcoming novel, SAWDUST, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).