Sarah Elkins

7 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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Tolerance Isn't Nearly Enough

Tolerance Isn't Nearly Enough

This post was originally published on LinkedIn in March, 2015. It's being re-posted here on beBee as a complementary post to Kevin Pashuk's thought-provoking piece, Ponderings on Tolerance.

allow the existence, occurrence, of practi hing that one does no
necessarily lie or agree with) without i
“3 regime unwilling to tolerate dissent”
synonyms: allow, permit, condone, accept, swallow, countenance; More
© 2ggept or endure (someone or something unpleasant or disiiked) with
forbearance.
w was it that she could tolerate such noise”
synonyms: endure, put up with, bear, take, stand, support, stomach, deal with;
abice
“he couldn't tolerate her mood swings any longer”

*This i the fist cefition t0 appear in 0 Google searchIn December of 2013 I broke my record. I gave my annual Hanukkah presentation to more than 240 students that month.

It's tricky to raise Jewish children in a small city in Montana. There's no synagogue here, unless you count the one built in 1890 that is now home to the Catholic Diocese offices. Our small Jewish community of around 30 families is pretty active, with a traveling Rabbi visiting about once each month and a variety of activities and workshops planned across the state throughout the year. Still, our two boys were the only Jewish children in their school for a few years, and two of just a handful in other years.

When my siblings and I were in elementary school, our mother would come to each classroom in December with a huge bowl of latke batter (potato pancakes, similar to hash browns), a large electric frying pan, and the toppings: applesauce and sour cream. Our mother would make a latke for each student while teaching the class about Hanukkah.

When our older son was in kindergarten, I realized why my mother went to so much trouble. It's not just about helping our own children feel more secure in their unique identities. It's not just about balancing the season for children who do not celebrate Christmas. It's about exposing children to something different. That was definitely part of my motivation. If I knew more about other cultural celebrations that time of year, I would share those, too; I know a lot about Hanukkah, and that's what I brought to the students each year.

When I speak to students about Hanukkah every year, I begin the conversation by asking about food they like:

Does anyone here like sushi? How about tacos? Who here likes pasta?

I get a lot of hand-raising for tacos and pasta, a few for sushi. Next I ask:

How would you like to eat the same type of food for every meal, every day of the week, every week of the year? What if I told you only hamburgers, a real American food, are now available and you can no longer eat tacos or pizza or sushi?

The students look at me like I stepped off a spaceship from Mars. Why? What does this have to do with Hanukkah?

People all over the world eat a lot of different kinds of food and they celebrate different holidays. Believe it or not, not EVERYONE celebrates Christmas. And that's ok because if everyone ate the same kind of food and celebrated the same holidays and used the same language, the world would be one very boring place, right?

All students, no matter what grade, enthusiastically agree with that statement. I share with them that tolerance is a good place to start, but it's not enough. Tolerance means you're okay with others, as long as they keep their differences out of your sight. What we need is to appreciate those differences and recognize the beauty and strength those differences bring to our world. That doesn't mean condoning behavior that is damaging or dangerous to others, it means recognizing that we have limited experience and our perceptions are created in a narrow view sometimes.

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Ask questions; learn about other cultures and other people. Learning about being Jewish doesn't make you Jewish any more than learning about fish makes you a salmon. Learning about another culture can give you things to think about and may change your view of the world.

Then I tell them a very short version of the Hanukkah story, give them each a plastic dreidel (spinning top for a Hanukkah game), and a miniature jelly doughnut (Israel's Hanukkah treat) made especially for the occasion by my favorite bakery in town. I avoid discussion of religion, and try to keep it about the cultural celebration of the holiday.

I'm asked a few times each year to share this perspective, what it's like to be Jewish in a small, mostly white, Christian town. When I told someone about my recent opportunity to present this perspective to a local church of Unitarian Universalists, my colleague shrugged dismissively: "Why does it even matter?"

It matters because people are curious - and curiosity is good! The more we learn about each other, the more questions we ask, the more we understand what each person brings to the table and the better our solutions to solve real problems like hate, violence, and hunger.

I'll keep sharing my perspective and learning about others for as long as it takes to break this cycle of ignorance and hate. I'll keep telling kids that hate is the only bad word in our vocabulary because hate leads to violence, and hate is the one word that describes pure, willful ignorance.

Now it's your turn: Do you tolerate differences? Or do you value them?

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Comments

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #4

#11
Dean Owen, that is so interesting! I had no idea there is a Jewish quarter in Shanghai. Now I really want to visit there, even more. My family isn't religious, we're more secular in our celebrations. Each boy had a Bar Mitzvah because I love the tradition and find incredible value in the process itself. Both of our boys sang beautifully from the Torah, read their portion, and wrote and presented a speech about it. Because we live in a small Montana town, there's no synagogue, so I taught our boys to read Hebrew and sing the prayers they would need to know for the event. It was an amazing year spent bonding with each of them. I think that story needs to be told, too...

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #3

#8
I re-read your comment here a couple of times, Phil, it was that good. I know you're right about the numbers (or lack of numbers) contributing greatly to a perceived sense of challenge or threat. At some point I hope that our global economy and community will understand that to build one person up doesn't mean someone else has to fall. I love your daughter without ever having met her. Our older son has similar "color blindness" in that he doesn't seem to associate any kind of value judgment with any physical characteristic. He was about 4 when we were walking down Clement Street in San Francisco. He saw a kid walking on the other side of the street and said "that kid looks just like Ewan!" I was so puzzled, Phil. Ewan was tall, and is as fair as can be, with blond hair, of Scottish & English descent. The kid Jacob pointed to was smaller in stature -- and very dark brown skin. I asked him why he thought the kid looked like Ewan, and without hesitation he said: "I don't know, just the way he walks and his face, I guess." Thanks so much for this great comment. Really thoughtful and insightful.

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #2

#3
Thanks, Kevin Pashuk, I really appreciate this comment. Sensing & feeling words can be interpreted in so many ways, who really knows which is the right one to use when it comes to perception and feeling? I guess that's why we write, to clarify our thoughts so we understand them and in the hope that others will as well.

Sarah Elkins

7 years ago #1

#1
Thanks, Don Kerr, I appreciate your comment & sharing.

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