Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Time Passages

Time Passages


"As I Perceive The Time I Have Left, I Am Turning Inward Even More And Taking A Look At My Trajectory"
jesse kaelis



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"Love what you do and you will find you have all the time in the world."
Sara Jacobovici

There are few subjects that capture my interest more than "Time." If you are one of those people, I suspect you may find this post intriguing. It was inspired by two of my favorite writers here in the wonderful world of storytelling...

The first to pique my interest is Sara Jacobovici and her post, "For The Love Of Time." https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/love-time-sara-jacobovici?trk=prof-post...In it she comments, "Love what you do and you will find you have all the time in the world."

I love that! For me, it inspired the thought, "Love and accept WHO YOU ARE, and you will find you have all the time in the world." That is something I know a great many of us struggle with.

"My in-between is space itself; It is my comfort zone...and more real to me than this crazy place we call home."

The second, (and I will never refer to you as number two Sarah...That is my number in reference to my birth order and it always made me feel shitty;-)  is Sarah Elkins, a professional coach and consultant, helping people and businesses improve their communication through the art of storytelling.

In her post, "Slowing Down Time,"  https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/slowing-down-time-sarah-elkins? she speaks of a sort of comfort zone she calls it, where she goes to contemplate growth and change. My "in-between" is space itself. I think of it as a sort of common ground, where all souls can meet unencumbered by chaos...Odd as it may seem, it is more real to me than the crazy place we all think of as "home.

As many of you know, I lost my father over the holidays. I wrote in an earlier post of my experience with him and my concept of being "Frozen In Time," https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/frozen-time-cyndi-wilkins?trk=pulse_spock-articles...It is a perfect example of how my thoughts weave in and out of time, as I go to that "in-between space" in my experience of my last moments with him. It is where I have found peace.

"I wondered if he had left his body yet, or if he was still lingering in or around it."

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, I was recalling the moment of his passing...He looked so peaceful and I was happy for him, even as I struggled with my own sadness of losing him. Earlier in the day he had been struggling. Those were very difficult moments for me and my siblings, but especially for him. Now he is at peace.

I snuggled up close to his cheek, kissing him softly and hugging him tightly. I whispered in his ear..."Where are you right now?" I wondered if he had left his body yet, or was still lingering in or around it...perhaps a bit confused. He did not neccessarily share my belief in life after death, but he did say to me shortly after my mother's passing that he had hoped I was right.

I take comfort in the "knowing" I am right. I drift off to sleep and have a very vivid dream...I am sitting beside him, still holding his hand as I had done for so many hours leading up to his passing. I am aware he has passed as he suddenly sits upright and stares at me.

"He is now conscious of the younger version of himself; Not of the old man that has just passed away in my world."

"Where am I?" He appears a bit confused, but not frightened. "Geez dad," I say, "You look great!" He smiles and jumps off the bed he was lying on..."I feel great too!" he exclaims as he wriggles around in his "new body." It is a much younger version of himself.

He is dressed in blue jeans and a bright white t-shirt with a loose leather jacket. His hair is a soft shade of chestnut brown, neatly combed back with that signature "wave" in the front. My mother so loved that about his appearance. A kind of "Fonzie like" look for all of you who remember the sitcom "Happy Days."   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQc9L2RbQkw

My dad was not quite the Henry Winkler version of the "Fonz," but he sure as hell was as handsome! In my humble opinion he was even more so;-) I tell my dad to take a look in the mirror, "I think you'll like what you see." Of course there is a mirror conveniently located on the wall behind him and he gazes into his reflection.

"Wow!" he says, and staggers back a couple of steps. I am suddenly aware that something has shifted for him. He is now conscious of the younger version of himself, and not the old man that has just passed away in my world. He turns back and stares at me curiously,"You just called me dad." I am careful with how I answer him as I am aware he sees me as I am now at fifty-three...certainly not the daughter of a man in his early thirties.

"Bye daddy." I whisper..."I love you."

I ask him if he is married to distract him. "Yes," he says. How about kids? He smiles brightly, "I have three beautiful girls." That is so nice I tell him, "I'll bet they are missing you...You should probably head on home now." He glances down at his watch, "Yes, it's getting late." He reaches for the door that has suddenly appeared on his right and turns to me once more."See you later?"

"Yes," I say cheerfully. "You will definitely see me later." He opens the door and passes through to the other side. "By the way," I call out to him. "You will have that baby boy soon!" He peeks back in, "Yeeeah, I'll get working on it!" He winks at me and waves goodbye as he slowly closes the door behind him. "Bye daddy," I whisper, "I love you."


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About the Author:

Cyndi is a licensed and Certified Massage and Bodywork Professional, Writer and Energetic Channel in the Greater Boston, Massachusetts Area


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Comments

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #19

#22
Thank you Laura Mikolaitis...Yes, I was given the gift of "precious time" with my dad...as he lay actively dying for almost two weeks...I think perhaps his passing slowly, as painful as it was to watch, was necessary for us BOTH to move forward...him in spirit and me in allowing myself to let him go without completely falling apart. I feel for you that your mom's death was so sudden...not leaving you an opportunity to say the things you may have wanted to say...But remember this...just think of her and she hears you...It's one of the best kept secrets in the world;-) When you have a moment, you might want to take a peek at this link... https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/frozen-time-cyndi-wilkins?trk=pulse_spock- It's how my thoughts were weaving in and out of time during my last days with him...and again, thank you for such a heart felt comment. XOXO

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #18

#20
Thank you Franci...It is humbling to be able to touch the hearts of others in your own process of healing.

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #17

Thank you for popping in here Sara Jacobovici for posting it in the "Memory Capsule." This is one of my own personal favorites to put in a memory capsule of my own...I hope one day my daughter finds them all to be hidden treasure maps;-)

Sara Jacobovici

7 years ago #16

Dear Cyndi wilkins's Hive Talk, I joined Memory Capsule hive and saw this there) to see it now. Let me quote you, "...my thoughts weave in and out of time..." What a tremendous line. Thank you Cyndi, for everything.

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #15

#16
When the heart speaks there are no words Pascal Derrien...Thank you for feeling this one with me...

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #14

I am just reading this with interest and thought I would say it out loud even if I don't have anything intelligent to add :-)

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #13

#14
\ud83d\udc1d Fatima Williams..." I think of our dad's more as angels." ...Now that certainly qualifies as a "life after"...Don't you think? They are both smiling at us right now...and yours is blowing you a kiss;-) No more beating yourself up my dear...The time of departure was his to choose...and he would never give up on you. Don't give up on yourself...XO

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #12

Thank you Cyndi wilkins for alerting me to this very beautiful tribute for your Dad. He looks very handsome. I guess he's smiling at us now. I don't know if there is an after life but I think they are much less in pain especially when they die sick. I think of our dad's more as angels and till date beat myself up for Not spending more time with my dad while he was sick. He was a very strong man I wonder why he gave up too soon perhaps he needed our support of spending time with him physically or perhaps he was too tired fighting his illness. I have so many unanswered questions I've buried them deep within. The biggest lesson I learnt from him is fight till the end and ensure you have an audience always for he loved to make the crowds smile. Giving you a big hug with lots of love and a thank you too for sharing your story with us.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #11

#12
"Thanks, You are very intriguing," Ditto Cyndi! We will have to talk more at length about this one day soon :))

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #10

#11
" I've had 2 encounters with my dad since he died years ago. One was face to face and we didn't use our mouths to speak yet, I understood him and vice versa." Beautiful example of telepathy...We all possess the ability, we just do not "remember." ..." My Aunt had the same dream- verbatim!! She described the scenery just as I saw it my dream." That's awesome! And this happens ALL the time...we are just not aware of it in our waking reality most of the time...There's a reason why so many people describe the same thing in experiences of "near death." I'll even go so far as to say...UFO encounters;-) But that's another post altogether! Thanks Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher...You are very intriguing;-)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #9

#10
Very interesting Cyndi wilkins! I never discard anything like this because there is more we don't know about life/death, the universe and beyond than we do. I've had 2 encounters with my dad since he died years ago. One was face to face and we didn't use our mouths to speak yet, I understood him and vice versa. He gave me 2 simple messages but it took me time to understand one of the messages. The other encounter which appeared like a dream was a 'glimpse' of my dad fishing on a dock and my grandparents young again over in Scotland, sitting on a Veranda outside of a Restaurant sipping tea, chatting, laughing and I had such a sense of calm. My Aunt had the same dream- verbatim!! She described the scenery just as I saw it my dream. I knew it wasn't a dream after that. I think that's cool about your sister too. See, we do get glimpses into the afterlife. I'm a believer.

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #8

#9
In this case I was not necessarily in the "dream state" I described in this post...but rather wide awake. I could "feel" him...and hear him...but not physically see him...certainly not vividly like I did in the dream. He was more like an "energetic imprint"....If that makes any sense. I think the reason I could sense him so acutely was the fact that he had not left this plane of existence yet...He was working on it he said;-) Lol...Interestingly, my sister was "visited" by my grandfather in her dreams around the same time. Sort of a "check in" I think because she is so devastated by the loss of my dad. She was telling me about her dream visit and wondered why it was our grandfather that came to her and not dad...When I checked in with him about it, he said he was not strong enough yet to penetrate her grief...he needed to go regain his strength first...My granddad has been deceased for many years now, so for him it was a piece of cake;-) Interesting stuff huh?

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #7

#8
Wow Cyndi wilkins, you had one heck of a visit! Did he look as he did before his illness or the same as when he left? I find stuff like this so interesting. And, you know me, I would never say, never! That had to have a calming effect? Amazing that he was able to tell you about the missing photo from the reel. I'm glad you shared this! Did any of your sisters have a visit?

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #6

#6
I see you found my buzz Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher...Thanks so much for sharing it...I wrote an earlier one called "Frozen In Time" which describes my thoughts as I experience my last moments with him...This post was my search for peace in the aftermath...I will tell you this because you know me well enough to understand the humor in it...The night after he passed he showed up at my bedside chatting in my ear...I had been struggling earlier in the day with my siblings about who to mention in the obituary,,,( I was elected to write it but they all had their bullshit opinions on what it should say, LOL) So dad comes in and says, Look...this is how things are gonna go...you tell them I'm still in charge and I'll tell you what to write...Well, he kept me awake from 2:30 to 6:15am ironing out the details...Man O man...he never talked that much in life! He even mentioned that there was a picture missing from the video feed we had created to run at his funeral service...Both my sister and I had been certain this picture was included on the reel...We went back to look and guess what?? Wasn't there! TRUE STORY;-)

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #5

Todd Jones...I am so sorry for the loss of your father-in-law under such terribly brutal circumstances...It is heartbreaking to lose someone you love, but to watch them suffer a prolonged, torturous departure is terribly traumatic...for them and for their families. My dad had struggled briefly in his final moments and the distress it created in me was overwhelming, so I cannot even imagine how I would have managed to get through what you have just described...My heart goes out to you... I'm sure you still feel this pain very acutely in your own heart. It has certainly reawakened in me the need for us all to redefine what we consider to be "Death with Dignity." Peace to you.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #4

What a great tribute to your dad and I hate to use the word I 'understand' your goodbye but it sounded quite similar to what went through my mind after my mom had just passed. My sisters felt the same, so maybe it's not uncommon to wonder if we do believe in spirit and afterlife. I have felt my mom's presence in ways I can't describe and I believe you will too Cyndi wilkins. I'm so sorry for your loss, I don't think I was one to hear about it until I read this. My heart aches for you but I must say this was a well written piece. Please keep writing!!

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #3

#4
Thank you so much again .for your shares, support and very encouraging words. It is ALWAYS appreciated...but especially at this time,,, Very healing for me to share such an intimate part of my journey and have it strike such a deep chord with so many others. Gift from God I think...

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #2

Maria Luquero Vila....I humbly thank you for finding this buzz "relevant"....

Cyndi wilkins

7 years ago #1

Thank you Aurorasa Sima and Milos Djukic...Much appreciated;-)

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