The Situation To Be Trump's New Sec. of State

Leave it to this White House to keep things interesting!

In an exclusive scoop, The Lint Screen has learned Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will soon be named the new Secretary of State, replacing Rex Tillerson.

A sneaky, loose-lipped White House insider (whose father has run for president) confessed, “President Trump is fed up with Tillerson. After it was reported he called the president a ‘moron’, the president looked that word up in the dictionary and became outraged. Moron is not a complimentary word!”

The leaker continued her confidential disclosure (hint: her father is from Arkansas, plays bass, and has the initials “MH”). “President Trump has lost confidence in Tillerson. He’s old, low energy with no sex appeal, and frankly, has had miserable low ratings. The president wants to take decisive action to correct that. He believes The Situation has the kind of charisma and sexy heat that will get huge ratings and capture the world’s attention. The Situation did great things for the ratings of Jersey Shore, he can do the same for our country — and that will definitely make America great again.”

Ms. Blabbermouth then disclosed that the president is considering more reality TV stars for his cabinet.”He’s focused on leadership, and thinks a Kardashian, Simon Cowell, Snooki, or Gordon Ramsay could really turbo-boost ratings for this administration and our great nation.”

Stay tuned!

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Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).