Phil Friedman

4 years ago · 4 min. reading time · visibility 0 ·

chat Contact the author

thumb_up Relevant message Comment

The Rising Tide of Aggressive Passivity

The Rising Tide of Aggressive PassivityMOST OF US ARE FAMILIAR WITH PASSIVE-AGGRESSION, BUT WHAT ABOUT PASSIVITY THAT TURNS VICIOUSLY AGGRESSIVE...


Preface:  This post was initially inspired by and dedicated to my fellow author, Donna-Luisa Eversley, whose writing not only seems to brim with a lilting Caribbean accent but is always replete with good common sense. For the record, it is D-L's durable online friendship and support that are, in significant measure, what have kept me from bee-coming overly cynical about publishing on beBee.

However, between the time I started drafting this piece and several weeks later when I returned to finish it, Anne Thornley-Brown, MBA published an exceptionally insightful post on toxic workplace culture. Anne's article is too important to overlook, especially as iit can be seen to relate to social media. Consequently, I am dedicating this post to both Donna-Luisa and Anne.

Coincidentally, Anne is a Canadian, with Caribbean origins. So, between you and me, I'm beginning to wonder if there is something special in the water down there. I don't really know.

What I do know is that neither of these two women bears any responsibility whatsoever for my frequently bull-in-a-china-shop remarks. Therefore, you should direct all hate mail to me.


db3be70d.jpg


"I also can appreciate ... the people I thought were very negative and unkind in a different light, as the glare from the positive rays can mask reality. We must seek to live in truth."

Donna-Luisa Eversley in a comment on beBee, 2017

8db711a4.jpg

"... [To] hide ... true feelings behind a veneer of "politeness" and ... [a] perpetual plastic smile ... is not "politeness" at play, it's dishonesty. [The] 'fake smile' is not a sign of friendship, it's a sign of aggression."

Anne Thornley-Brown, MBA in a Producer post on beBee, 2017

Most of us are familiar with the psychological term "passive-aggressive behavior."  It usually denotes a type of behavior or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others, coupled with an avoidance of direct confrontation.  (Oxford Living Dictionaries)

Passive aggression is also a mechanism employed by people who aren't comfortable being openly aggressive to get what they want under the guise of trying to please others.

Lately, however, I've noticed the emergence on social media in general and on beBee in particular of what seems to be a new form of behavior ...

This new form of behavior does not involve a mask of passivity underpinned by a foundation of aggression, but instead, 1) the aggressive insistence that each of us should adopt an external passivity and 2) an apparent willingness to organize covens behind the scenes for the purpose of forcing others to conform to their sub rosa   agenda.

I call it aggressive passivity.

It seems these days we're constantly exhorted to bee positive, bee collaborative, bee like-minded, and bee non-critical. And we're told that if we don't, we'll be responsible for irrevocably damaging the social fabric.

It's not enough in the eyes of the True Believers in Passivity for the rest of us to refrain from making caustic remarks about the posts and articles and comments of others, they want us to avoid speaking strongly or passionately about anything and everything    unless, of course, it's about making "honey" (which ironically rhymes with "money").

f81d742f.jpg

So,  here's a simple deal:  I won't intrude into your private space on social media (your posts and comment threads) with my critical remarks or penchant for rational discussion if you don't intrude into mine with your repeated admonitions to assimilate to the Borg-like collective.

Let's agree that, when we happen to find ourselves in the same public space on social media, we'll simply buzz past one another like dirigibles in the night, silent and without communication. For I suspect that any attempts at communication are futile.  Phil Friedman


Postscript:  I personally have a deep and abiding faith in the power of rational exchange to will out. I believe that ultimately platform users tire of insipidipity and the literary equivalent of Muzak, coming eventually to appreciate the joy of feeding and exercising one's mind. I am, therefore, happy to #LETTHEAUDIENCEDECIDE.   PLF


Author's Notes:  If you found this post interesting and worthwhile and would like to receive notifications of my writings on a regular basis, click the [FOLLOW] button on my beBee profile. Better yet, elect there to follow my blog by email. As a writer-friend of mine says, you can always change your mind later.

Should you be curious about some of my other writings on social media, you're invited to take a look at the following:

"Finding the Right Balance"

"BeBee vs beBee: Differentiation Thru Conversation"

"On the Limits of Free Expression"

Please feel free to "like" and "share" this post and my other articles — whether on beBee, LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook, or Google+, provided only that you credit me properly as the author, and include a live link to my original post.


About me, Phil FriedmanWith 30 some years background in the marine industry, I've worn numerous hats — as a yacht designer, boat builder, marine operations and business manager, marine industry consultant, marine marketing and communications specialist, yachting magazine writer and editor, yacht surveyor, and marine industry educator. I am also trained and experienced in interest-based negotiation and mediation.

In a previous life, I was formally trained as an academic philosopher and taught logic and philosophy at university.

 

Before writing comes thinking.  ( The optional-to-read pitch) :  

As a professional writer, editor, university educator, and speaker, with more than 1,000 print and digital publications, I've recently launched an online program for enhancing your expository writing: learn2engage — With Confidence. My mission is to help writers and would-be writers improve their thought and writing, master the logic of discussion, and strengthen their ability to deal with disagreement... all of which I have found to be natural precursors to improved writing.


75eec3e3.jpg


For more information, click on the image immediately above. To schedule an appointment for a free 1/2-hour consult email: info@learn2engage.org. I look forward to speaking with you soon.


Text Copyright 2017 by Phil Friedman  —  All Rights Reserved
Image Credits: Phil Friedman, Google Images, and FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

2857a377.jpg


  #SOCIALMEDIA  #PASSIVEAGGRESSION  #AGGRESSIVEPASSIVITY  #BACKBITING




""""""
thumb_up Relevant message Comment
Comments
Claire L Cardwell

Claire L Cardwell

2 years ago #77

#92
Definitely Phil Friedman - I love the lively debates here and you remind me in many ways of my favourite Professor at Nottingham - Ben Meopham. He taught physiology and philosophy. Every Wednesday afternoon (which was free time for everyone at College) we would all get together for a lively debate!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

2 years ago #76

#91
Thanks, Claire L Cardwell and I have pretty much come to terms with one another and attained, I think, a level of mutual understanding and respect that benefits us both and makes us pretty good online friends. Like you and I, I think. Cheers, my architect friend!

Claire L Cardwell

Claire L Cardwell

2 years ago #75

I agree with you completely Phil Friedman - aggressive passivity is a scourge, saccharine sweetness on the outside and knives out behind your back.. I have always enjoyed your posts and the lively debates that follow!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #74

#88
Ian, apologies are completely unnecessary. But nothing is changed by your latest remark, except that I see you in a different and better light as a person. That said, I challenge you or anyone else to show by direct quotation where I make statements that, in your words, "create an atmosphere of fear and defensiveness." I only ever question ideas and opinions and try hard at all times to avoid ad hominem reference, let alone attack. I never tell people what they should or shouldn't say. However -- and this is the core point -- a number of those whom you classify as "less resilient" are not prepared to return the courtesy and appear all too ready to band together to silence others (including me) whom they feel make them uncomfortable. And indeed, it is obvious that even the suggestion of mutual avoidance which forms the theme of this article is taken as a provocation, as witness the anonymously registered negatives on some of my remarks in this comments thread. But I will not be pressured into silence because what I say at times may make some unidentified people uncomfortable. For comfort and discomfort are in the mind of the person who experiences them. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #73

#88
Ian, apologies are not necessary. But nothing is changed by your latest remark, except that I see you in a different and better light as a person. That said, I challenge you or anyone else to show by direct quotation where I make statements that, in your words, "create an atmosphere of fear and defensiveness." I only ever question ideas and opinions and try hard at all times to avoid ad hominem reference, let alone attack. I never tell people what they should or shouldn't say. However -- and this is the core point -- a number of those who you classify as "less resilient" are not prepared to return the courtesy and appear all too ready to band together to silence all others whom they feel make them uncomfortable. And indeed, it is obvious that even the suggestion of mutual avoidance which forms the theme of this article is taken as a provocation, as witness the anonymously registered negatives on some of my remarks in this comments thread. But I will not be pressured into silence because what I say at times may make some unidentified people uncomfortable. For comfort and discomfort are in the mind of the person who experiences them. Cheers!

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #72

#84
Apologies Phil, I think I misunderstood the question (popped up to the top of my page and I re-read it). No, no one has the right to decide anything for anyone else. Rather I see it as a personal moral duty to contribute my bit to defending less resilient individuals from formidable provocation. Yes there is a time and a place for provocation but the keyword is a 'discerning' approach. And yes you can't be responsible for other people's feelings but then it's hardly conducive to a productive and harmonious co-existence if we create an atmosphere of fear and defensiveness. And so if we provoke appropriately and discerningly we can have our fun and still refrain from damaging the less resilient. I've just seen too much death and dying and wretchedness in my profession and perhaps I'm just trying to make this a better space for all (without getting too ridiculous). That really summarizes why I've been on your case for a while now. Perhaps give this a thought.

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

4 years ago #71

To quote a famous Floridian..."It plumb eludes me."

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #70

#85
Don't fret, Jerry, there is a definite logic to Emoji-ese,

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

4 years ago #69

#61
Damn. Now I have to learn to read emoji.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #68

#83
From the above piece: "So, here's a simple deal: I won't intrude into your private space on social media (your posts and comment threads) with my critical remarks or penchant for rational discussion if you don't intrude into mine with your repeated admonitions to assimilate to the Borg-like collective ... Let's agree that, when we happen to find ourselves in the same public space on social media, we'll simply buzz past one another like dirigibles in the night, silent and without communication. For I suspect that any attempts at communication are futile." I will just repeat what I often find myself saying to my teenage daughters when they tell me I am not listening to them: No, I AM listening to you very carefully; I am just not agreeing with. you." Bee well, and buzz on, as they say around these parts. :-)

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #67

#82
'My question is why do you feel you have the right to decide for everyone?' Is this for real? How did you possibly arrive at this question? No Phil, I don't decide for everyone nor do I represent anyone but myself. This interaction begins to feel like I'm swimming through syrup. Enough said. I rest my case. Cheers.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #66

#81
That is the point which you nominally make, Ian, but fail to really appreciate. One of the reasons that many of my posts generate discussion is that I do always respect those who enter the discussion threads on my posts. What I do not, however, respect are the attempts by some, carried out behind the scenes, to shut down free expression of opinion and ideas. Simply because you arrogate to yourself the sole right to make the judgment that I am shouting does not make it so. As I said in this piece, you (or anyone else similarly inclined) are free to ignore my writing. And I I am happy to #LETTHEAUDIENCEDECIDE My question is why do you feel you have the right to decide for everyone?

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #65

#80
Phil, I'm very much aware of what you've communicated and I'm sure that on perusing what I've said, you will appreciate the bigger picture that I've described. Indeed if it makes more sense you can substitute 'discussion' for 'debate'. And there were also 2 typo's - should be hemispheral not 'hemisperal'. Let me therefore conclude by re-emphasizing the point that I've tried to communicate: If one does not respect other's with whom one engages (warts and all) and one defaults to disparaging judgmentalism, discussion/dialogue will be stifled which results not only in 'aggressive passivity' but in the reactive hostility of an insulted and wounded soul. Fundamentally, effective discussion requires mutual respect and sensitivity - IQ and EQ. EQ reflects style and manner. The effective communication of content does not require that you SHOUT LOUDER. But rather that you always speak with a degree of deference for the other.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #64

#79
Ian, thank you for reading and commenting. However, I am not sure that I've managed to communicate to you my point(s), I am not speaking here of logic, which has to do with the form of thought, but of rational discussion, which has to do with an openness to questioning and exploration. Your reference to "debate" indicates to me that, again, perhaps I haven't been clear. For debate has to do with "winning" and persuading, whereas my concern is with questioning and exploring and, in this piece, with an aggressive response to any deviation from likemindedness. One is entitled, of course, to dislike my style and manner. But one is not entitled to seek to shut down discussion that, for whatever reason, simply makes one uncomfortable.

Ian Weinberg

Ian Weinberg

4 years ago #63

#75
I would contend Phil Friedman that it is in the very mode of your engagement with others that this 'aggressive passivity' is induced and experienced. Inherent in your 'sledge-hammer', left hemisperal approach to debate is a not so subtle disregard for the 'softer' right hemisperal elements. And while I indeed uphold and promote the value of logical reasoning, one nevertheless needs to respect the complete human condition, warts and all. And so I would submit that engagement becomes more meaningful and evolutionary if a degree of sensitivity is exercised so that the dialogue can be sustained on a broader basis. An aggressive challenge becomes counter productive when it induces reactive amygdala fight/flight/freeze - it suppresses the ability and drive to reason. The advancement of reason, understanding, awareness and collective evolution is dependent upon mutual respect and dialogue (devoid of discrediting, disparaging judgmentalism ). Therefore I would submit that the 'feeling' that Milos has referred to is an integral part of our learning experience, equal to the factual component. Disregarding these components of engagement will indeed give rise to an increased experience of reactive 'aggressive passivity'. Cheers.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #62

#77
Then, Milos, you and I are agreed. And I can sleep peacefully tonight. :-) BTW, I noticed I mentioned only men in #76 below, which I think is the result of long inbred habit that should be unlearned. The list should include great women such as Mother Teresa, Indira Ghandi, Susan B. Anthony, Margaret Thatcher, Eleanor Roosevelt, and Michele Obama. On social media, one of my beacons is Donna-Luisa Eversley, whose private integrity and quiet strength is not broadcast.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #61

#76
I agree with you Phil. Nor did I. Historical figures you have mentioned are pretty rare phenomenon nowadays, particularly in social media. I am just talking about a common practice in contemporary social media and networks. Just one small reminder: "I was saddened, but also fascinated by the fact how powerful words can be sometimes. That is the secret of dazzling effects of social media on people. It is everyone's right to choose their own experience or interpretations of someone's writing or thinking. The one who was unpopular or attacked has also a chance to become eternal. Unfortunately, it is often difficult to forgive them - great minds. That's why they are great."

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #60

#75
Candidly, Milos, I am personally not a fan of Angelou's. And the statement you quote seems to me a recommendation on behalf of emotional manipulation. There are many figures in history who are remembered for what they accomplished (did), both good and bad. And there are many remembered for what they said, for example, Abraham Lincoln and John F. Kennedy. And some for both what they said and did, for instance, Martin Luther King Jr. and Mahatma Ghandi. Not for how they made people feel. These are all figures whom I believe will be remembered long after Angelou has passed from memory. The drug dealer on the corner also makes people "feel good". Cheers!

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #59

#74
Phil, my friend.... "The Persistence of Memory" “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #58

#73
Milos and D-L, please do not be offended, but I think you may miss my point. Which is NOT that people do not have the right to be fragile or avoid conflict that makes them uncomfortable. My point is that they do not have the right to force me or others to abandon lively discussion, nor to band together to intimidate those who do not share their fragility. You will note what happened here when I raised the subject after posting a warning that would allow anyone to simply avoid reading this post if they don't like such discussion. Yet someone came into this discussion to accuse me of being taxic and to attempt to bully me into silence. It's important to keep in mind that I did not and do not bring my critical views to the discussions of others, and certainly not to those who don't welcome critical comment. So on what basis is the same courtesy not shown to those who are comfortable with open exchange? The answer is the rising tide of Aggressive Passivity. Cheers!

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #57

#70
Donna-Luisa Eversley, I agree with you. Some of the greatest human discoveries and breakthroughs were the results of passionate intellectual engagements of a large number of extremely dedicated people. It is not necessary that they are like-minded. Diversity and multiple personalities are needed. It is important to listen carefully, respect other people's thinking and to be concentrated on the topic in a broader sense of meaning (including jokes). That is quite difficult in social media...

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #56

#70
Donna-Luisa Eversley, I agree with you. Some of the greatest human discoveries and breakthroughs were the results of passionate intellectual engagements of a large number of extremely dedicated people. It is not necessary that they are like-minded. Diversity is needed. It is important to listen carefully, respect other people's thinking and to be concentrated on the topic in a broader sense of meaning (including . It is quite difficult in social media...

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #55

#69
I don't know Donna-Luisa Eversley. I suppose it's possible. The authenticity of any kind must not endanger other people. Just my two cents.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #54

#65
Today, people are very fragile. Yes, also the two of us. (Milos mostly due to hydrogen embrittlement) :)

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #53

#65
Also, self-censorship that are not imposed from outside and careful choice of terms and words (expression style) are also of the utmost importance in order to achieve trust, understanding, critical thinking and a healthy environment for different types of "artists" who are not likeminded at all.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #52

#65
Absolutely Phil Friedman, my good friend! The concepts is crystal clear as you expressed it nicely, despite my doublespeak and unsuccessful jokes. We are a "happy family" and we are not likeminded. Our exchanges are irrefutable proof. Have a nice weekend.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #51

Milos, one of my points is always that we can be a "happy family" without being likeminded or agreeing all the time with one another. Respect, self-control (not censorship), honesty, and open-mindednes combine to create trust. And trust facilitates open and forthright discussion and exchange. Nothing Borg-like or Bee Colony-like about it. I think it important to avoid doublespeak, even in jest, at times. Because too many have difficulty keeping the concepts clear. Thank you, my good friend, for being part of the conversation. Cheers!

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #50

#61
Donna-Luisa Eversley, Tentative conclusion: we are happy Borg-like family :) The resistance member: Fractal Borg Queen Milos

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #49

And our actions here are words. Writing is the ultimate way of expressing our aspirations, internal struggles and ideals. Hence, the written word is the most powerful weapon in the hands of those who strive for truth. One word can make a miracle or a misery, similarly as a love.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #48

#36
Right Phil "res ipsa loquitur", but our actions in social media and elsewhere speaks even more for itself.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #47

#58
Phil Friedman, Well, i am awfully sweet. Any complaints? :) Ugly Fractal Troll (but also sweet)

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #46

#58
LOL. I always appreciate genuineness in others. Even if you don't like a person's honesty, it is still better to know what you're looking at. I have difficulty pretending to like things I don't like and would rather say nothing than say something insincere. I must admit that I often question the sincerity of things I read and hear. I can spot a fake a mile away.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #45

#57
#56 It's not being "sweet" that raises my hackles; it's the demand that everyone else be sweet as well. And that when someone doesn't comply, the daggers come out for back-stabbing. BTW, I love Canadian East-coasters. People like Farley Mowat and Stompin' Tom Connors. Cheers!

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #44

#56
You can tell I'm an east coaster by the way I fish!

Graham🐝 Edwards

Graham🐝 Edwards

4 years ago #43

#55
This is true Phil Friedman is sweet.

Renée 🐝 Cormier

Renée 🐝 Cormier

4 years ago #42

#51
Sorry, I can't help myself. I just have to be sweet, but those who know me fairly well such as Graham\ud83d\udc1d Edwards, will tell you it is a genuine sweetness. Unlike some, I have no hidden agenda and no inclination to be a wolf in sheep's clothing.

Graham🐝 Edwards

Graham🐝 Edwards

4 years ago #41

#53
Oh I will always meet of beers... lol. I have never hear of "marginal personality syndrome"... it makes lots of sense, and I actually know a couple of friends who I think suffer from "mps" lol. I will admit I do love long dinners and drinks, and great conversations with friends. Oh the conversations you can have after three martinis! As always, thx for the conversation...

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #40

#52
Thanks, Graham, for saying so. I have no inclination to undermine your lone-ranger contrarianism. It's just fun to meet for beers (both figurately and literally) with others of your ilk. Even if you can never agree on anything. (Sounds like the Beezers.) I am not so sure that the problem at hand is "I am right and you are wrong". More like, what has been explained to me by a psychologist as "marginal personality syndrome" -- the inability to perceive where one's own ego stops and the external world begins. So that if someone is saying something you don't like or which makes you uncomfortable, you cannot just ignore it. It's as though your ego encompasses all. I actually think that part of it is cultural. You guys in Canada still have the concept of dining and conversation and find nothing strange about sitting down to dinner with friends for wine, food, and conversation FOR THREE OR MORE HOURS in an evening. That's entertainment. Cheers!

Graham🐝 Edwards

Graham🐝 Edwards

4 years ago #39

#51
Darn... I wanted to use the "borg resistance is futile reference"... lol. As always Phil Friedman a great read. The thing about being "contrarian like" is you get used to standing alone sometimes... but that is OK. : ) I shall check out your bebee resistance hive. I can't help wonder if this is not all just a result 21st century decorum where "I am right" and "you are wrong", and there seems to be little room for civil discussion from differing perspectives. It seems maybe we are not entertained unless it's a TV reality show. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!... at least I was able to get in my "Gladiator reference"... lol

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #38

#50
Jerry, hank you for reading and for saying so. I agree. Resistance is definitely not futile. Indeed, it is critical. Which is why I posted this -- to remind other de facto members of The Resistance they are not alone. Not only those to whom you refer but also people like Wayne Yoshida. I invite anyone who may feel at times "sweeted out", to visit The beBee Resistance hive ( https://www.bebee.com/group/the-bebee-resistance ) and The Beezers hive ( https://www.bebee.com/group/the-beezers-hive ). Cheers!

Jerry Fletcher

Jerry Fletcher

4 years ago #37

Phil, I read this string and found myself amused, bemused and certain I had not been assimilated. For me resistance is not futile. Being able to read Donna-Luise Eversley, Anne Thornley Browne and you, my curmudgeonly (is that a word?) friend, on the same day along with the thought provoking observations of Jim Murray, Milos Djukic and Gerald Hecht makes my brain crinkle with delight.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #36

#47
Yes, Kevin Pashuk, I am. And every day spent as Alice in TrumperLand moves me that much closer to completing the journey. I've taught at both UWO and Humber. Do you know of a part-time opening at Appleby for one more Beezer? Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #35

#46
Thank you, Laurent, for taking the time to read and say so. After a number of years publishing on social media, I've distilled an approach to expression that I think works. Everyone is entitled to express him- or herself (within the bounds of civility and avoidance of hate messages), but nobody is obligated to read or listen. So, if you don't like a post or an author, simply pass them by. And when you have critical comments to make or questions to ask, do that on your own posts, where you nominally "own" the venue and you can be ignored by anyone who doesn't like what you have to say. And that is the suggestion I'm, in effect, making here. Cheers!

Kevin Pashuk

Kevin Pashuk

4 years ago #34

#21
See... I'm halfway there

Laurent Boscherini

Laurent Boscherini

4 years ago #33

Thank you Phil Friedman for sharing openly and wisely this important topic, so well expressed. We can take responsibility for any part we may have played and be honest with our self and the other person about our interactions. Even though we are responsible for our reactions and responses, we are not responsible or to blame for anyone else’s. "There is no such thing as a language, not if a language is anything like what many philosophers and linguists have supposed. There is therefore no such thing to be learned, mastered, or born with."- Donald Herbert Davidson

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #32

#44
Or, some would say, tilting at windmills. :-)

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #31

#39
Sorry, Brian, but you cannot claim to be Aggressively Passive, for you do not hide behind a camouflage curtain of passivity. Far from it, your aggressive nature is displayed raw and in the open. Which personally, I prefer. As well , as far as I can tell, you do not attempt to impose your view of how social media should be on others., however strongly and openly you may disagreee. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #30

#37
Well, bud, you've got me there. Yes, one intention of this post is to provoke Aggressive Passives to steep out from behind their camouflage of Passivity and show themselves in all their aggressive glory. As to whether that objective is or has been realized, #LETTHEAUDIENCEDECIDE. Cheers!

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

4 years ago #29

#35
True. i see agressuve passivity as working towards an ulterior motive. Once that is revealed, such people lose credibility . Even those of their flock realise it, ego without credibility never sustains. The dog eat dog scenario amplifies itself within that group. Herein, the artificial politeness is actually building up to an eruption. Such a scenario doesnt require suppression but a moderated dialogue wherein the essence isnt quashed in the name of being poilte. Something very prevalent in society too.

Jim Murray

Jim Murray

4 years ago #28

Phil Friedman I guess I have to ask if you haven't painted yourself into a bit of an intellectual corners here. On the one hand you want people to refrain from interfering with your personal social media space by putting forth the point of view to which they obviously, either consciously or subconsciously, ascribe. You can give it an innovative title like Aggressive Passivity, but at the end of the day it's still just a different point of view. Personally, I understand where you are going with this and don't disagree with you in principle. I just wonder how many people actually feel they fit the descriptor of aggressively passive, or whether, to them, it's all just business as usual and will be till the earth crashes into the sun. Just sayin'. Cheers...jim

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #27

#33
Milos, with all due respect, I fail to see the relevance of a definition of the legal doctrine of res ipsa loquitur. My use of the term is simply an affectation that seeks to use the simple translation of the Latin expression, which is "the thing speaks for itself" and my point is that use of the bee colony metaphor invites comparison to the Borg collective in science fiction. Because the description of the Borg that you cite is on the face of it eerily similar to the MAAREC description of a honey bee colony, right down to the generation of pheromones to direct and control the actions of the lesser bees. Cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #26

#34
Devesh, I don't think I disagree, although I am moved to point out that I am not talking about "passive aggression" but rather about what I've dubbed "Aggressive Passivity" , which is something different. Passive aggression is reactive and resistant, whereas aggressive passivity is angrily proactive -- as you have seen in this comment thread. Thank you for reading and joining the conversation. Cheers!

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

4 years ago #25

Passive aggressive people are not direct. Thats the flaw. I presume that they are being polite and indirect because they like me so i must engage them to open up and be direct. Presuming them to be devious has often screwed up the objectivity of my questions. Eventually they either become directly aggressive or slip into an unrelated aggressive rant. The directly aggresive ones let of steam and end up being good connections. Those who end up in vague rants have some delusion fuelling it and there is nothing that can be done about it. Some say, Why engage with them in the first place? I do not know what i kind of people they are unless i engage with them. Passive aggression is a choice, not an algorithm. On social media it is easier to tackle than say in real life. I also presume social media to be a vent of frustrations for many people, aggression in any form yields an honest side and perhaps it is a coping mechanism for them. This way, i dont think about such stuff beyond the online conversation for too long. If it is taking time, draft a good response and end it. Toxicity is contagious, few people are immune to it and when it comes to Donna-Luisa Eversley she can really nip it at the butt. Kind of reminds me of some of my school teachers who could handle public unrest and politicians better than administrators and managers :)

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #24

#31
Phil ... "The Doctrine of Res Ipsa Loquitur" by Prof Charles E. Carpenter Carpenter, Charles E. (1934) "The Doctrine of Res Ipsa Loquitur," University of Chicago Law Review: Vol. 1: Iss. 4 , Article 2. http://chicagounbound.uchicago.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1119&context=uclrev

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #23

#30
Perhaps, Dean, you should take the rated three minutes to read the post. Or is it so much easier just to attack a straw man?

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #22

#28
Milos, I suggest to you that the social structure of the literary "Borg" was "copied" from the scientifically observed social structure of the Honey Bee colony. For instance, according to the Mid-Atlantic Apiculture Research and Extension Consortium (MAAREC): "A honey bee colony typically consists of three kinds of adult bees: workers, drones, and a queen. Several thousand worker bees cooperate in nest building, food collection, and brood rearing. Each member has a definite task to perform, related to its adult age. But surviving and reproducing take the combined efforts of the entire colony. Individual bees (workers, drones, and queens) cannot survive without the support of the colony. In addition to thousands of worker adults, a colony normally has a single queen and several hundred drones during late spring and summer ... The social structure of the colony is maintained by the presence of the queen and workers and depends on an effective system of communication. The distribution of chemical pheromones among members and communicative “dances” are responsible for controlling the activities necessary for colony survival. Labor activities among worker bees depend primarily on the age of the bee but vary with the needs of the colony. Reproduction and colony strength depend on the queen ..." https://agdev.anr.udel.edu/maarec/honey-bee-biology/the-colony-and-its-organization/ To be clear, I have not labeled anyone or any social media platform. I have only said that the attitudes of some whom Irun across remind me of the Borg in Star Trek literature, primarily because of a relentless commitment to like-mindedness. And again, to quote @Gerald Hecht, "res ipsa loquitur".

Dean Owen

Dean Owen

4 years ago #21

#28
Exactly Milos. It is extremely rude and it's been going on far too long. In many ways, the people Phil labels as part of the Borg Collective are a great group of independent creative thinkers. I understand there is a place in society for toxic provocateurs, but attacking people for being cordial is out of bounds and I stepped in against other people who have done it, and will step in here.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #20

I've tried quite a few times to point out that the labeling of any user in social network as a: part of Star Trek Borg Collective model, participant in "Equilibrium" movie by Kurt Wimmer, "Brazil" movie by Terry Gilliam, fictional character from "Nineteen Eighty-Four" book by George Orwell, Kafka's "Der Process", "Fahrenheit 451" by Ray Bradbury or from "The Brave New World" by Aldous Huxley, directly or indirectly, is unnecessary practice. The same applies in the case of any Influencers, privileged members or writers (by social network), Unfluencers (TM of Jeffrey Strickland) or any brand Ambassador. Here's why: "The Borg Collective is the term used to define the forced combined consciousness of trillions of individuals, using technology. The Borg are distinguished by their collective consciousness (often heard by a chorus of voices), their fusion of biological matter and technology, and their driving principle to assimilate all knowledge or eradicate threats, without regard to ethics. The Borg are led by a figurehead, known as the Borg Queen. The Queen directs the actions of each Borg unit, and assigns priorities and tasks via subspace communications. No Borg drone or unit can function without being connected to the Collective, as witnessed in the kidnapping of Locutus shortly after the Battle of Wolf 359." - from article titled "Borg Collective" at gamepedia.com (http://sto.gamepedia.com/Borg_Collective)

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #19

#25
Ahh, I see, Dean. Which of us, then, shows himself to be the more arrogant? #LETTHEAUDIENCEDECIDE. Or as @Gerald Hecht is wont to say, "res ipsa loquitur". And BTW, you did not answer my question, which was "Why is it that you want to be free to pursue your social media activities as you see fit, but do not feel it is incumbent upon you to allow others to do the same?"

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #18

#25
Ahh, I see. Which of is, then, is the more arrogant? #LETTHEAUDIENCEDECIDE. Or as Gerald Hecht is wont to say, "res ipsa loquitur". And BTW, you did not answer my question, which was "Why is it that you want to be free to pursue your social media activities as you see fit, but do not feel it is incumbent upon you to allow others to do the same?"

Dean Owen

Dean Owen

4 years ago #17

#24
That's funny as you used to comment on my articles that they were a good read ... until I unfollowed and muted you.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #16

#22
Thank you, Dean, for wearing the shoe. Why is it that you want to be free to pursue your social media activities as you see fit, but do not feel it is incumbent upon you to allow others to do the same? Why not just continue scrolling if you find something boring? I certainly do whenever I see your postings.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #15

#21
Phil, since my brother is Canadian, the root of our mutual agreements about many things is much more clearer to me :)

Dean Owen

Dean Owen

4 years ago #14

Is it groundhog day? Borg-like collective? I mean seriously.... Max Carter used the same terminology and despite him being extremely rude to the founders of this site, they were gracious enough to make him a brand ambassador, surprising himself to no end. I take offence at being called part of a Borg-like collective. Unfortunately even though I have muted you, your constant dribble about your penchant for rational discussion still appears on my feed every day, and has done for over a year now. How about some originality? How about a less condescending tone? Many of us are here just to have fun, to blog, to learn, to diary our lives, to make friends. We are not here to be provoked into some mindless argument about what is tantamount to basic common sense.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #13

#13
For the record, I am a permanent legal Canadian resident (aka Landed Immigrant). And Canada is my spiritual homeland.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #12

#7
D-L, it also lurks in the "corridors" of social media. The irony is that the nominally passive generally complain about feeling pushed and bullied to be otherwise, but seem to overlook that they do just that when they band together to stamp out what they feel is uncomfortably assertive or aggressive. They are rarely, in my experience, prepared to live and let live. But rather want to remake the world in their own image. Cheers and thanks for joining the conversation.

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #11

#13
A tribute to Shania Twain, a Canadian singer and songwriter and all other friends from Canada Shania Twain: Okay Milos, so you're a material scientist. That don't impress me much...

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #10

Try walking in my shoes...

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #9

#14
hahaha :)

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #8

A great person deserves no less. "Bananas" by Italian garage-punk "girl-band" No Muzak: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIdPeRK2AWE

Kevin Pashuk

Kevin Pashuk

4 years ago #7

My only goal Phil is to (re)turn you into a Canadian. You WILL be assimilated!

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #6

#9
Donna-Luisa Eversley, You are a wise woman, maybe because of the Caribbean -water, but I am not sure:) Fractals always wear the same shoes...

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #5

#5
Phil, Thank you. I have not been aware of that intention. I could not read between the lines. I do not know that. Nah, I'm out.

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #4

#4
Milos, you and I have differing views on the topic, which we've discussed off and on for several years. So, I don't propose to rehash all that. I wrote this piece because I have concern about instances of the nominally timid finding courage in numbers and banding together into packs to actively bully others behind the scenes. Similar to what transpires in the kind of toxic work environment that Anne Thornley-Brown, MBA describes. That did Not happen on LinkedIn because upper level management remained aloof. Different circumstances on, for example, beBee, though. Thank you for reading and commenting. Cheers!

Milos Djukic

Milos Djukic

4 years ago #3

Phil Friedman, Assertiveness doesn't come naturally to everyone. This is certainly an important topic from a practical social philosophy point of view. There's nothing new here. I have detected a similar and self-similar "anomalies" In social media a few years ago, just like you... "How to find your proper voice, having in mind that the essence is in the conversations? There is only one extreme and that is to give only positive comments on other people's writing. This is a fairly common practice, here on LI. This is certainly not what we want. On the other hand, critical or negative comments, made by some members, may cause some degree of discomfort on both sides. In order to avoid indifference, which is undesirable, we need to provide highly emotional engagement of an audience. In this case, both emotions: “love” (admiration - respect) and “anger” (disappointment - discourage) may occur at the same time. Fortunately, “anger” can easily be turned into “love” if handled appropriately." - from "Leadership and Successful Human Conversations", LinkedIn long-form post, published on March 1, 2015 In the case of passive-aggressive personality disorder, criticism is of little use. It is much more useful to talk and to give some proposals and solution. A fear of irrelevance only highlights these problems. It is the neglected disease of modern society, , not by accident. Thank you Phil! Depeche Mode - Walking In My Shoes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GrC_yuzO-Ss

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #2

#2
I have no doubt of the truth of what you say.Social media is a microcosm of the "real" world and so it is not surprising that a phenomenon gaining a foothold on SM would be a mirror reflection of one in the world of business. Thanks for reading and commenting. And cheers!

Phil Friedman

Phil Friedman

4 years ago #1

Donna-Luisa Eversley and @Anne Thornley-Brown, MBA, you are mentioned in this article. Cheers!