Still Have Doubts?

But still...

I texted the organizer to ask if she had the final count of registrations.

"31, but plan on 40"

My response: "That seems good. Is that average?"

"25 is average, Sarah. You draw a crowd."

I grinned, full of relief and excitement.

So why do I still have these doubts? Why does that teen self-consciousness come back to haunt me? No matter how many times I do trainings and presentations, no matter how many times I get on a stage to perform for an audience, I still find myself with these doubts.

What if no one shows up?

What if they don't like me?

What if I don't make them laugh and help them learn something?

A while back, I read an interview of a famous musician. She said that she STILL gets those butterflies in her stomach before she takes the stage. And then she said this: "I'm glad, because as soon as those butterflies go away, I'll know I'm done."

There's another reference to the understanding that a bit of nervousness and self-consciousness isn't necessarily a bad thing, my friend Whitney Johnson's P/E ratio. You know that feeling that you're going to be sick, but you're so excited that you couldn't possibly turn back? It's your Puke/Excitement ratio telling you you're about to jump out of your comfort zone.

So here I am, following a wonderfully successful presentation, about to perform at two wedding receptions this weekend, and my P/E ratio is still going strong. I've decided that's a good thing. Not only does it keep me on my toes, I know I'm stepping out of my comfort zone again, which means I'm not stagnant. Not even a little bit.

Here's the musical inspiration for today! (Added by request.) 

Tom Catmull, Hole in Her Head