Putin “Tickled Pink” At His Victory

Russia President Vladimir Putin was overjoyed by the recent election results that gave him 77% of the popular vote for a decisive victory to serve his fourth term.

“Strong, invincible leader was absolutely tickled pink,” Nikita Ananyev, head of The Russian Fair And Unbiased Election Committee, told The Lint Screen. “The President confided that he was very uncertain of the election’s outcome and so he is delighted by the results. He said, ‘They like me, they really like me!’”

The seven competitors who were running against President Putin have been missing since last Friday. “We have no leads,” said Ilya Agafangel, Chief Moscow Investigator. “I think all seven may have taken a rocket into outer space. We can find no trace of their whereabouts.”

President Putin issued a press release proclaiming his “enthusiastic gratitude” to the 77% of the population who support him and vowed his determination to “find and seek the support of the 23% who did not vote for me. I will do whatever it takes to persuade these cowardly traitors who vote anonymously in the shadows that I am their leader.”

Mikhail Dragomirov, the president’s campaign manager announced Putin is launching a new initiative under the theme Make Russia Great Again. “Soon we will have hats and shirts with the new slogan emblazoned on them,” Dragomirov said. “And those who do not wear the MRGA items will be dealt with persuasively.”

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Patrick Scullin is a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to be a full-time Writing Fool.

He has two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).

Be on the lookout for his first novel, SAWDUST.