Purposeful Anger - Cyndi wilkins - United States

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago · 3 min. reading time · ~100 ·

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Purposeful Anger

Remember when you threw 2 shoe at me
and I fel] somewhere behind the bed?

1 remember too,

you should probadly go te TheMetaPicture.com

There are several wonderful conversations buzzing around the 'hives' lately addressing the behaviors that many of us find offensive and unacceptable on social media...or anywhere else for that matter. The comments sections are rich with input from many amazing thought leaders and have created an environment of what I refer to as 'concern and discern.'

As I was mentioned in a recent buzz as an active participant in many a 'heated debate' I felt it necessary to respond accordingly. The comments I shared with the wonderful Lisa Vanderburg were so poignant, I felt compelled to outline many of them here as a separate buzz, as these thoughts need to be shared as often as possible... A constant reminder to be mindful of our words.

My initial response is as follows:

I do not enter into any conflicts I might see here on social media with the intent to defend anyone...nor do I feel it necessary for me to do so...I enter in when something in particular moves me...not because of who may have written the piece. I find profound purpose in the energy of anger...it is a very helpful emotion in our healing process if we take pause, 'tune in' and really examine within ourSELVES what it is that triggered our response in the first place.

We are ALL wounded in some way and anger is our most accurate emotion in identifying that which needs our immediate and undivided attention. It is an offering from our senses to try to better understand ourselves and our experiences of the world. Whatever pained you, shamed you, maimed you...acknowledge it and validate it for sure...Then RELEASE it.

Massage therapy and energetic bodywork
for the mind, body and spirit

Your body of pain and anger is your closest friend...It will stop at nothing to get your attention...no matter who or what it uses as a decoy...and force you to pay close attention to your OWN P&Q's...Anger in and of itself has no conscious intent to hurt you...it emerges to help heal you...

It is a natural response we all feel when we see what we perceive as an injustice...and it is not necessarily all our own. In fact, it is a collective...like all energy...and nobody likes a 'bully'. Taking pause to anger is to examine the big picture and identify that which is triggering our OWN responses to it.

My best guess is there is a deep seated issue left unchecked...anger and defensiveness give rise when we are feeling vulnerable or wounded in some way...Doing a little digging and making sure it fits the current situation gives us an opportunity to respond appropriately rather than being over-run by 'reactive' emotion...Emotions are wonderful motivators but they can also be very deceptive manipulators;-)

In her recent post 'Dilemma', author Lisa Vanderburg addresses the question of morals and ethics on social media...Grabbing the 'Bull by the balls"...

https://www.bebee.com/producer/@lisa-vanderburg/dilemma

My comments continued...

I think the most important thing to remember is to modify our judgement of other people. We never know what another person is dealing with in their own personal experience. It is the ultimate sign of compassion to lift the spirit of our fellow human beings who might not be doing as well as we are in our current set of circumstances.

We need diversity to create necessary change...and who will help to create this much needed change are those who are willing to speak out about the patterns of thought that no longer serve us as a 'people'. Those who are willing to break through pain, burst through barriers and take us to uncomfortable places.

They are not new age psychos...they are the thought leaders of our future...invoking in our hearts and minds a new way of thinking that brings meaning to our lives...whose SOUL purpose is to unite...rather than destroy...And for that, I am very thankful.

To this comment the lovely Lisa responds:

This is how it SHOULD BE, lovely @Cyndi wilkins, that we are responsible to help others in encouragement and understanding. Alas, we also have to take into account those authors that take a reasonable statement that does not align with their post/buzz, and use it to pulverize the commenter, instead of either asking politely for clarification or 'overlooking' it. Again, both sexes are equally capable of offence!

My Response:

I agree wholeheartedly Miss Lisa...So my best suggestion is to down regulate the emotion...Anger begets anger...so choose the opposing energy of gratitude instead by responding to such behavior peacefully and intelligently...That in and of itself is empowering to YOU...the RESPONDER...Nothing is more disarming than a smile...Sure...they may shoot you in the head for it, but you'll go down smiling;-)

About the Author:

I am a licensed and Certified Massage and Bodywork Professional, Writer and Energetic Channel in the Greater Boston, Massachusetts Area

Please visit my website @ https://lnkd.in/deZBRU3

#Lisa #Lisa Vanderburg #Anger #Dilemma #SOUL

Comments

Randall Burns

4 years ago #40

P.S. LMAO!!! at the spider meme. so many lessons to be drawn from that...

Randall Burns

4 years ago #39

Great post Cyndi wilkins Missed this one but isn't it funny how things present themselves when needed and this post is most poignant right now as I'm formulating some comments/responses as delicately as possible, (to a different post). Cosmic indeed but as you say there are no coincidences. :-)

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #38

#46
thank you for having written such a wonderful post Cyndi wilkins

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #37

"It is a cry for attention, we need to listen to it. It is part of being human." Nailed it ...Thank you for sharing;-)

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #36

our healing bee Cyndi wilkins has something very important to say, read it!

Liesbeth Leysen, MSc.

6 years ago #35

#1
thank you for the tag Cyndi wilkins, wonderful post, yes, let us bee compassionate, when we take well care of anger, it can be transformed in a more positive emotion. It is a cry for attention, we need to listen to it. It is part of being human.

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #34

#41
Martin Wright...I love how you take the frustration of dealing with scammers and turn it into brilliant detective work;-) If anyone out there is receiving emails for jobs that sound too good to be true, I suggest you click on Martin's link and do a little detective work of your own! Thanks for sharing that Martin;-)

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #33

Thank you for the share CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit...I think this is a very important conversation for everyone to be having within all relationships...personal and professional. And most especially with our children...as they are growing up in this new age of technology...learning to communicate with clarity and respect is key for their success in any circumstance....Once you put it out there, you cannot just take it back;-)

Martin Wright

6 years ago #32

@Cyndi Wilkins to Watch Out for https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/scammers-still-try-new-one-watch-out-martin-wright

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #31

#37
Thank you Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman, beBee Brand Ambassador...I think it's important to keep reminding ourselves that if we don't like what we see on the menu...dine elsewhere;-)

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #30

I absolutely agree Phil Friedman for his unique ability to effect just such changes in perception...and that is the bottom line here...Respectfully.... I will refer to a comment made by CityVP \ud83d\udc1d Manjit at the center point of this buzz... "If the conversation is a political or cerebral sport then it pays to recognize the context and let those who enjoy that tougher playground have their space." Thank you so kindly for your input on this VERY important issue...If we behave badly, what example are we setting for our children...

David B. Grinberg

6 years ago #29

Cyndi, while I haven't been privy to the discussion you mention in some hives, my own advice is simple: social media users should always to do their best to keep it positive, constructive and cordial regardless of the platform -- and especially here on beBee to maintain a professional image for all bees and the brand. There's never a good excuse for bullying behavior via social media, much less bad manners or trash talk -- all of which only hurts the personal brand of the person causing trouble (ie. the term "troll"). Moreover, as my friend Phil Friedman has previously pointed out, it's certainly possible (and advisable) to contribute constructive comments to an open online dialogue even when one is expressing disagreement. There's nothing wrong with having strong opinions, just don't be abusive online. The worst choice IMHO is to engage in petty personal attacks, especially involving partisan politics. To the contrary, it's always best -- in the short run and long term -- to take the high road, even when strongly disputing one's points. Just do it in a respectful manner and treat others on social media the same way you want to be treated. Thanks for considering these points and keep buzzing! cc: Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #28

#33
Martin Wright...That is a perfect example for the naming of this 'buzz'...Purposeful Anger... I would love for you to share a link here to an article you were motivated to write as a result of having been triggered by anger...We can turn this frown upside down;-)

Martin Wright

6 years ago #27

Nature gave us anger for a reason. It is how it is directed which affects others. How many articles, mine included, would never gave got written if it wasn't for anger. But the outcome then was good.

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #26

#16
Well Brian McKenzie...you have a very good point. If we were all sitting around a table, I expect we'd be able to see the shades of our own coats and that would help us converse better. I know there have been a lot of buzzes/posts on this of late, but the way I see it; it's been fruitful and helping a lot of us (especially me!) understand the many choices we have in our responses not only to discuss the buzzee, but to evolve the comments, thus the conversation. I think it's healthy and much needed, or we all end up in the stone-age of FB :) BTW, I say that with good intent and respect!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #25

#6
As kids, me and my sister (after receiving a thrashing) used to sit in the bath-tub and play 'slap'. We took it in turns to slap each other fairly gently (...okay, sometimes) round the face. It always ended up in schlapplakker. Look what's come out of all this - understanding and I'm fairly sure I'm building another brain-cell...that makes THREE!! :)

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #24

#5
had to laugh Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich....between these two platform we need a...Neuroscientist! So I read @Ian's great buzz!

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #23

#27
Never go to bed angry...Still working on that one myself Preston \ud83d\udc1d Vander Ven;-)

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #22

"Retrain our brain"...Bingo Harvey Lloyd...Learn to practice 'listening' to criticism rather than reacting to it defensively...And there certainly are those who use aggressive deflection tactics as a weapon to disarm you....Perhaps you've revealed something to them they find uncomfortable...and now they just want to silence you...Kudos to you for choosing not to fire back over the fence...Let them sit with it...or not...Most people who use tactics like that are very complex personalities that would benefit greatly from a little self reflection of their own. Learn to discern those personalities who take a bite out of you and really take a good look at what is being reflected back to you. Perhaps they have revealed to you something you have been blinded to...even if it is in their own self serving way...Thank them for their point of view and move on...No one is a victim here.

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #21

#18
That's the best Pascal Derrien;-) How many times do we have an opportunity to employ the 'smile' when our knee jerk reaction is to flip the 'bird!'

Debasish Majumder

6 years ago #20

Great buzz Cyndi wilkins! enjoyed read and shared. thank you for the share.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #19

#14
Anger is a meaningful emotion, Deb \ud83d\udc1d Helfrich, and as you stated it all depends on how we apply it. My thoughts have always considered anger or its outcome aggression as used in one of two ways. 1 The policeman. STOP! YOU are wrong. Here's why. 2 The leader, explore, engage and redirect if necessary. The policemen communication style for some reason can really get our dander up. This type seems to disrupt the flow of thought within the concepts of the post. In this way the policemen is capable of hijacking a post, maybe with a good point, but none the less, change the flavor from free flow, to focused extermination. Your thoughts are always very interesting and thought provoking.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #18

#21
I will have to say that your writings and my limited understanding, thick head i guess, have helped put legs on my thoughts. I am continuing to read your pdf, but like the eating of the proverbial elephant i am taking small bites. Thanks for your time and willingness to share your journey. You have a fascinating journey to share.

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #17

#19
Once again you've nailed it Harvey Lloyd Thanks as always for the insightful contributions.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #16

" 'tune in' and really examine within ourSELVES what it is that triggered our response in the first place" If we do this and still come up with the other person needs to be reminded of respect, humbleness or some other factor of communications, then please, proceed. Your emotions are not "wrong" they are just alerting you that something from your POV is amiss. But we can retrain our brain to open up our executive function instead of the limbic system. Are there certain adjectives and adverbs that trigger my anger? Most importantly do this trigger words/concepts of description remove me from the purpose of the discussion? The second question is what i had to work on. I realized that certain personalities use a distraction technique of looking for your buttons. This insured that you would be taken out early in the game of purpose. Let me plant an aggressive adjective in the meeting and Harvey will be distracted from the main point and sidelined. I had to learn to review my buttons and remain in the game of purpose. You have rested, quite eloquently the space between stimulus__________________ response. The shorter that gap is the more likely we are to hand over our strength in purpose.

Harvey Lloyd

6 years ago #15

" 'tune in' and really examine within ourSELVES what it is that triggered our response in the first place" This is the key point. Each of us lives a narrative that installs the triggers of emotions. https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ian-weinberg/respect-begins-at-home Ian Weinberg discusses this narrative and its development here, quite well. In brief we attach emotions, and feelings to each of our experiences and form layers of sub-conscious detectors for similar situations in our present. The rub comes when our natural narratives bump into each other socially. Me, being genuine, may insult another, not intentionally but my passion may overrun my awareness of others. When i see anger in someone and their "expression of", i know that something in their narrative has attached anger to various triggers and i just touch around that trigger or directly on it. Maybe intentionally and maybe not. Your quote above is the sound advice for us to recognize this brain process that has been developed to help us navigate in real time. Someone says i have small feet, i have attached what the basketball coach said about my feet and didn't let me on the squad, so you become the coach and i defend small feet people. In reality the comment context was the opposite for the other person. They were picked on during middle school because their body had not grown into their large feet. They were envious.

Pascal Derrien

6 years ago #14

Reminds me of an encounter at a cross road yesterday where the driver shouted at me in non equivocal terms, I stopped looked at him and told him ''I love you too'' with a big smile...... it diffused the situation he smiled back half bemused half embarrassed :-)

Ian Weinberg

6 years ago #13

https://www.bebee.com/producer/@ian-weinberg/respect-begins-at-home

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #12

#13
The calming begins when our anger is acknowledged and understood...Sending you peace my friend;-)

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

6 years ago #11

#12
i was incoherently angry. Thought reading could calm me down but i saw a post on Purposeful Anger Thought writing could calm me down but it didn't. I had to calm myself down. You know, anger makes me forget a simple thing that i can calm myself down. Thanks

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #10

Devesh \ud83d\udc1d Bhatt...Thank you for that sobering reminder to stop being so damned selfish and self-righteous...If we were to sit in a circle and throw our problems into a collection plate before us...most of us would gladly take our own problems back;-) You inspire me to pay more attention to our brothers and sisters around the world whose struggles by far outweigh our own...

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

6 years ago #9

Everyone is busy complaining about Trump, while India is dialing back to anarchy. It is early morning, just saw this. Travelling to Mumbai today to sell an " American Leadership Workshop" to decision makers starting 4th oct. Everyone will take their cuts, including me. I will have to smile to all those who exploit without an iota of guilt. I will also say what could be done, but i will be brushed aside like dirt. The very people who followed rules and regulations 3 years back. Now back the new twisted laws. I am very fortunate, life isn't meaningless.

Devesh 🐝 Bhatt

6 years ago #8

22 people just died yestereday in Mumbai because of sheer Negligence. I had to pretend to be frustrated/slimy/ conniving to secure daily wages of labourers while project managers schemed to skim. Honestly asking for it didnt work, even after the fact that my father was a Union Govt (equal to central/ federal) Civil servant. People are willing to suffer 20 year longg Court cases than to part with some money, till then they earn more. Encroach and earn till eviction, earn enough to be the richest and bribe everyone. Then eat the rax payers money as a politician or contractor and 22 people die. If in Mumbai today, people stop going to work, many may die of hunger and disease while others take their place. Now, the situation is worse in the hinterland. Currency crisis and people have died in debt despite a good farmer produce. Elementary solutions available for free with free technology are being rejected because no one can believe if it is free + no one has the money to think beyond food/shelter/ clothes. The few who do, are troubled by greedy doctors, lawyers and schools. I am in my hometown,Nainital.. the town is dying... Hello Barry, this is the problem with my hometown http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/dehradun/naini-lake-drying-up-experts-worried-tourists-dismayed/articleshow/58829168.cms Hotels and Schools wont recycle water. Residents wont reduce waste. Called it the mother and pollute it. Do social media campaigns take money and misuse it. India today ia Paradise Burning. Its 6 am here. Im headed to Mumbai on 2nd Oct. Things were never this bad. Simply because there is no ability to do anything. New laws. An honest civil servant today cannot catch a child trafficker unless the child complains in writing.many children cannot write There are atleast 20 more shitty rules in place.

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #7

Vroom, vroom Lisa Vanderburg! Can you hear those side pipes a roarin'? I am 'Wimmin' hear me roar;-)

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #6

We're getting there; thanks Cyndi wilkins!

Lisa Vanderburg

6 years ago #5

I am humbled to be mentioned, sweet Cyndi wilkins - thank you my friend! You are both sensitive and genteel and so very right in what you say! I don't like bullies; they make me angry. That said, if it's a 'set-up', it's often difficult to foresee the agenda; takes hindsight. But as both Cyndi wilkins's). I am thrilled to see so many thoughtful and compassionate reactions to the recent spate of behavioural awareness-posts & buzzes: We NEED to lay the foundation for Bebee to flourish. That doesn't mean we have to agree; we have to learn how to respectfully disagree and debate. Thanks to so many women and men, we're getting there! As Cyndi puts it: Concern, Discern and Relearn (okay, I added that one).

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #4

#4
#5 Yes, I agree with your interpretation of the point Miss Lisa was trying to convey...and I felt it an important subject at this time to keep the ball rolling on it...There is such a diverse network here of marvelous voices with insight to share that it is a terrible shame for me to think anyone's voice is being 'intentionally' squelched for self serving purposes...Everyone is unique in their own way...each with their own understanding of the world around them. We are all in different places when it comes to perception of the so-called facts of life...Give people a respectful space to learn without being burned for having an opposing opinion. And this is not and should not ever be a battle of the sexes.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #3

Cyndi wilkins have purposeful and deep discussions. I call for more heated debates if the outcome would be a buzz of this quality.

Ali Anani

6 years ago #2

Thank you Cyndi wilkins.

Cyndi wilkins

6 years ago #1

Lisa Vanderburg... Just to name of few of the many voices I regularly share insight with and admire tremendously;-)

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