Prez Proud As He Sets Impeachment Record

President Trump changes norms as often as parents change their baby's diapers. And his latest achievement will firmly secure Trump's place in history.

"The United States has had many presidents over its 2,000-year history," Trump told The Lint Screen. "Only two presidents were ever impeached–– Andrew Jackson and Bill Clinton. And both of them did it in their second terms. I am about to be the third impeached president, and I did it in my very first term. That is proof I am the greatest leader of all time."

When told that impeachment was bad for a president's reputation, Trump became agitated.

"That's bullshit. My impeachment is an achievement. It was a total witch hunt conducted by the Democrats. The only reason they're doing it is that they know I can't be beaten in the 2020 election. I am so popular in the U.S., I even have other countries wanting to help me. Russia, China, Ukraine, North Korea, and others are enthusiastic about helping me get re-elected. I guess being popular is a crime these days. How crazy is that?"

Trump is proud of all he has done since being elected.

"I've built 2,800 miles of a border wall that is over 1,000 feet tall, not even those giants from Game of Thrones can climb it. They tried, failed like dogs. And Mexico will pay for the wall. Believe it. And the average middle-class American will save $450,000 thanks to my tax cuts. I've kept all immigrants out of our country–– except for those foreigners who'll help me win re-election. Thanks to Jared, we have peace in the middle east. And I formed Space Force, establishing America as the greatest country in the universe. And now, I've achieved impeachment much faster than any other president."

The president thrust out his chest.

"Everyone says I'm a stable genius. Who could argue that? I will wear my impeachment as a badge of honor."

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).