NRA Supports Citizen Rights To Bear Nuclear Arms

In the aftermath of the Las Vegas tragedy, the National Rifle Association is proposing a solution — more arms, and more firepower!

Yesterday, Wayne LaPierre, Jr., Exec. V.P. of the NRA addressed a national convention of members and said the recent mass murder could have easily been avoided.

“When you have a bad guy with a stockpile of high-powered weapons and ammo, you need some serious firepower,” LaPierre told the capacity crowd. “You can’t bring a handgun to a semiautomatic rifle modified to fire like an automatic weapon fight. That’s just common sense, people! Any idiot knows that.”

LaPierre told his assembly the problem is restrictive guns laws in the United States. “We need the right to bear nuclear arms. It’s what our forefathers would want. Had people in Vegas had some nuclear bombs, they could have easily neutralized the bad guy in no time flat!”

The crowd cheered as LaPierre continued.

“Our weak-kneed politicians need to stand up for our sacred second amendment rights. It’s outrageous that we’re allowing unconstitutional laws to inhibit our right to bear arms — ALL arms, including nuclear ones. How are you supposed to protect yourself if little rocket man breaks into your house? Write and call your politicians today and demand your God-given rights! We can do this, it’s the logical thing to do.”

In celebration, the crowd raised their handguns into the air and fired them as the reporter from The Lint Screen ran away screaming.

##########################################

Patrick Scullin is an empathetic adman and founder of ASO Advertising.

He has two blogs: Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification) and The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements).