Now I'm Supposed to Do What?

If you look back at your entire life you will see that right from your very birth the presence of these “now I’m supposed to’s” that are like a sidecar on those old German motorbikes you see in the movies.

If you didn’t want to go to school, there was this artificial intelligence sitting right next to you the whole way.

And it was truly artificial.

It felt like it was real because holy moly, the programming coming from that sidecar that entered your rebel head was just so smooth.

“You’re supposed to go to school. How the hell do you think you’re going to get a job.”

That was pretty convincing.

But not entirely.

Because something inside you said you could create your own future and you’d be just fine.

But....

You buckled down and went with the program.

And almost literally.

That buckle felt like the same seat belt you wear when you’re a passenger on a plane.

You’re supposed to fasten your seat belt when the pilot tells you there’s turbulence.

I see.

This seat belt is supposed to help me with turbulence?

That doesn’t make sense either.

Fast Forward.

Time to get married.

Why?

Because you’re suppose to.

I see.

So, okay.

It looks like a good gig.

There’s sex and a partner and kids and skiing vacations.

“How you liking the skiing vacation?”

“I don’t.”

Whaaaaat???

“What the hell is wrong with you. Have a drink. Get with the program.”

“You love skiing. Look at all the people laughing and drinking and having fun.”

Your wife looks over at you with that telepathic smile of hers with so much affection you get giddy.

Her message silently pings in your mind.

“You had enough Ernest Hemingway?”

You love this woman more than you love life.

A Pursuit of Freedom:

Somewhere I think inside everyone’s soul is the original rebel spirit.

Somewhere there is a yearning to throw off that jacket and walk away from your burger on the grill.

You have felt these “now-I’m supposed to’s” like those invisible electric fences to keep your dog in the front yard.

You are not supposed to just disregard those electronic barriers, you know?

But you have ‘em.

We all have them to a certain degree.

So Now What Am I Supposed to Do?

I’m going to Copenhagen in a few weeks.

A friend of mine asked, “What’s the occasion?”

It was the normal question one would ask.

I had to stop and pause because I had no occasion.

See, you’re supposed to have an occasion, right?

The Artificial Intelligence program is blowing a fuse.

It’s velvety smooth voice echos my friends question.

“Yes, what is the occasion?”

And while I get my Indiana Jones jacket on, both my friend and that AI voice ask practically in unison:

“Who are you going with?”

Ahhh...yes, I’m supposed to be going with someone.

But I’m not.

There are sparks flying everywhere in that sidecar now.

But I’m going.

And for no occasion except because I want to.

I left the barbecue with my burger on the grill.

Oh...and I will send pictures.

But not because I’m suppose to.

But because when I was a kid and before there ever was a sidecar and a smooth velvety voice, I loved to share my army men and my baseball cards and trade a sandwich with a friend.

And because as a kid, sharing had not yet become co-opted by society or a sidecar with a velvety voice and program.

And when I shared as a kid it brought smiles to the faces of other kids who also shared their bologna sandwich with me.

And we thought life was grand because we had no sidecar and no “now I’m supposed to’s.

So what are you supposed to do now?

You like peanut butter and jelly?