NAVARRO SAYS “COVID-19 IS GOOD FOR YOU”

White House trade adviser Peter Navarro is one of President Trump’s most reliable cheerleaders, and yesterday he picked up his pom-poms again in support of our fearless leader.

“The fake news has it all wrong,” Navarro told The Lint Screen. “People shouldn’t avoid contracting the coronavirus, COVID-19 is good for you. It’s like the spider that bit Peter Parker and turned him into Spiderman, COVID-19 could give you superpowers.”

While Navarro had no medical evidence to support his claim, he continued his argument.

“We still don’t know the full impact of COVID-19,” Navarro said. “We could find out that it does amazing things to make people stronger. I wouldn’t be surprised if we don’t see frail grandmas lifting cars to change their flat tires. We just don’t know. The jury’s out. Let’s keep open minds.”

Even if this coronavirus is harmful, Navarro is not concerned.

“President Trump has done an amazing job protecting America,” he claimed. “He immediately had Ivanka go to her laboratory and invent hydroxychloroquine, a drug that is proven incredibly effective in treating COVID-19. Everyone should be taking it, like a daily vitamin. And even if you do get the virus, it’s no big deal. Like the president says, 99% of the time, it’s completely harmless. Toughen up America!”

Navarro’s eyes dart about as one imagines a thought ricocheting in his noggin, and he speaks.

“The president asked Mike Pence to head up medical science in fighting coronavirus. No one believes in science more than the vice president. In the 6,000-year history of our world, the Good Lord has never blessed one man with more knowledge of science. Mike is the perfect man for the job.“

The financial guru thinks Americans need to get back to normalcy.

“People must get back to work immediately, and kids get back to school,” Navarro prescribes. “That’s the best thing we can do. You don’t need masks or social distancing. You need to work your job and get our robust economy roaring back. The president has an election in November, and every American must do their job in making sure he can continue making America great again. If we lose a few lives along the way, it will be well worth it for the rest of us. The health of our economy is at stake.”

Navarro straightens his tie.

“Trump 2020. Best president ever.” He runs to the White House and scurries inside.

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Patrick Scullin (aka PD Scullin) was a founder of ASO Advertising and recently left the ad game to write what he wants, wrangling parts of speech to entertain and amuse.

He recently released his debut novel, SAWDUST: Love is wilder than a circus, and writes two blogs: The Lint Screen (satire, smartassery humor, pop culture ramblings, and advice for people getting hip replacements) and Empathetic Adman (marketing pontification).