Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago · 6 min. reading time · ~10 ·

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My Sister, My Rock... Live Like You Were Dying

My Sister, My Rock... Live Like You Were Dying



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Over the past few months or so I have been feeling frustrated because it seems I may have a herniated disc in my neck. The pain has been a bit overwhelming. But, I had an "Aha" moment.  My sister came to mind. You're probably wondering why my sister (and her family) became my "Aha" moment so let me expound. 

In 1999 my sister's daughter (my niece) was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. I'll never forget the call, my sister's voice was almost a whisper, "Hey Lisa, we just found out something today, Jess has Leukemia and it's spread to her spinal cord and brain." My sister was matter of factly and I went into shock or disbelief. My sister was in shock but trying hard to hold up for the sake of her daughter. Jessica was 5 years old when diagnosed. She went through hell and that's an understatement but she's now 23 years old, will be graduating with her Bachelors in Graphic Arts and has a job lined up for this summer. She beat the odds. Her prognosis was not good. She spent about 3 years of her life in the hospital more than being at home,  because she kept developing critical infections. Jessica was and still is a strong person and I've never heard her talk as if she was a victim. We are so proud of her, her accomplishments, her loving spirit, and love for life. 

My sister decided early on when Jessica was feeling *OK* to try and live life as if everything was normal. They continued to ski even after Jess was diagnosed with early onset osteoporosis. I remember asking my sister if she was worried that Jess might end up fracturing a bone and my sister said, "Lisa, we can't stop living and we are going to continue doing what Jess loves because we only have this day to count on. "  And, that they did, enjoyed every day Jess was healthy, I think it also helped them to forget what she had gone through temporarily and it gave them a sense of hope!  My niece went into remission at age 9 years. She went to cancer camps when she was in treatment, her younger brother attended a few camps with Jess too because this was their life at the time. Jess became a counselor at the cancer camp she attended when she was a teen, Jess still goes each summer to give back. I'm so proud of her and she's an inspiration to all of us. I'm proud of her younger brother (my awesome nephew) too, he also went through a lot because he didn't understand what was going on. He too has turned out to be a great young man who is so giving and cares about others deeply. 


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My Niece, Jessica at age 21. This is her work she is holding up and shows the true essence of her being. She's a beautiful soul!!

Fast forward to 2006, my sister (Jessica's mom) was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer. I was visiting another sister of mine in town and my mom called. Mom said, "I'm going to stop by if it's ok, I need to talk to you both." My sister and I were both feeling so anxious before mom arrived and then mom said, "I thought it would be easier to tell you while you are both together that your sister was diagnosed with breast cancer today." Honestly, I don't remember much after that except for trying to be strong for mom until she left and my sister and I broke down crying with worry.  Within a few weeks, our entire family was at the Cleveland Clinic with my sister's husband waiting to hear the outcome after her double mastectomy. They told us that the cancer was stage 3B and only in one lymph node. We all felt hopeful after hearing the news. 2 Months later my sister was sent back to surgery because they found cancer in 23 more lymph nodes. I never asked but assumed her staging had changed. She began receiving heavy dose chemotherapy within a few weeks after her surgery. My sister was ill for over a year and did not want visitors. She's a pretty private person and the brunt of caregiving was placed on her husband.  

Because the Caregiving was placed on her husband we felt helpless

Feeling helpless did not deter us from trying to help in whatever way we could. We all took turns calling. My brother in law is a kick ass guy and he never complained. I'm sure he dealt with so much that we weren't aware of but he held it together. I brought over a few weeks worth of food, sent cards, kept calling and offering help. Because my sister didn't want others there, the help offered was denied as were visitations. We respected her wishes even though it was hard.  I hurt for my brother in law because men don't share their emotions and I'm sure he went through so much more than we able to imagine. His love for my sister kept him going.  I have read Don 🐝 Kerr's book "Riding shotgun," and it's given me more insight as to what my brother in law probably faced, I highly recommend his book to others who are caregivers who are males. Don gives great insight and shares intimate details along with great advice, IE: 10 things you can do or say to help a friend with cancer. My sister told me after she began to feel better that my phone calls meant a lot, the cards, the meals, flowers and I even sent fruit. It meant a lot to her husband too because he had someone to just shoot the breeze with- sometimes that's all a man needs... someone to listen and even laugh with. My sister wouldn't even allow my mom to stop by. I think she was trying to protect all of us. 

One day at a time

My sister and her husband decided to live life on the edge per se. If they wanted to go skiing with the kids in Utah or Colorado they did. They took a trip to swim with the manatees in Florida, went to Traverse City Michigan, camped in the Smokey Mountains of Tennesee and didn't worry about the money they were spending. After all, I'm sure in their minds life almost ended twice for all of them.  They still take spontaneous trips, the last one was planned in a matter of 3 days and they ended up in California- hitting the coast first, going to a blues concert in a park in San Franciso, biking over the bridge in San Fransisco, hiking the mountains (sorry forget the area) and went to Redwood Forest. I believe they were out in California for 2 weeks. With the exception of their trip to California, the kids were a part of all their trips too. Yes, they have debt but they don't care because they have lived life on the edge for years without a choice. My sister also has to wear a sleeve for life on her left arm after they removed the extra lymph nodes, she developed lymphedema in her arm- that's fluid that builds up in the tissues because the nodes are gone and the sleeve helps to keep the swelling down. She never complains. 


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My sister and her husband dining on a spontaneous trip they took to Amish Country in Ohio. 

Since my niece's Leukemia and my sister's cancer they have faced more:

  • Mom was diagnosed with cancer in 2013 and we lost her in January of 2016. My sister Michelle, took care of the nursing needs because she is a nurse. She went into nurse 'mode,' and it was her way of dealing with her own anxiety issues.  
  • In 2012 my sister developed a Pulmonary Embolism and ended up in ICU for 6 days. The anti-cancer drug they had her on thickened her blood. She broke her leg while skiing in Utah, flew home and it was all downhill from there (no pun intended). But, she recovered within a week or so, sadly she ended up with some heart damage from the large embolism. She no longer takes the specific drug they had her on to try and prevent recurrence of her cancer. 
  • In 2015 her father in law was diagnosed with cancer and he's terminal. She is now helping her husband (my sweet, loving brother inlaw) get through this with her. He never left her side through every event they faced and now he needs her. 

My sister has taught me to not take myself so serious. She's taught me it's OK to be spontaneous... just like that song by Tim McGraw, "Live like you were dying."  It's so true, we aren't promised tomorrow. Hard life lessons will either leave us bitter or teach us to appreciate each day and everyone that we love without having expectations. My sister and her husband (and my niece) are great examples of family who were handed some very bad cards and turned them into lottery tickets.  So, my neck.. who cares?! I'm thankful for life and I'm thankful for my sister who is a very positive force in my life. 

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2014, Me and my sister hiking in Pennsylvania at Jakes Rocks. I'm very thankful for my sister. She tells me I am an inspiration to her but it's the other way around. My sister is my rock. 



No one can be strong all the time and there will be times you just feel you don't have the energy to go on anymore. But, if we can just remember that life is a gift and everything we go through is for a special reason, we can turn that energy around and appreciate what's right in front of us. It won't be long and we will be up in the Rocky Mountains. I won't live life on the edge but I sure appreciate each new day and hope to live my life like I was dying. Life has made me "love deeper and forgive easier,"  it has not left me bitter. I'm thankful for my entire family and my sister who has taught me so much- she would not agree but it's true! 



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Comments

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #29

#37
My sister just shared with me recently that she suffers from Anxiety and this may have been her way of protecting her fears... sort of isolating. I think when some people face such grave illnesses they retreat and others prefer to have people around depending on how they feel physically. My sister has a wonderful husband and I believe she felt safe with just having him and the kids around so she could be herself if that makes sense? I can't imagine all the crying she did because she tends to hide her tears from everyone. She's got a tough exterior but many times those who appear tough on the outside could be melting on the inside. All these experiences have taught me so much more. I have to admit I felt very sad when we were told we couldn't come by for so long but I get it now, I really do! It wasn't about any of us.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #28

Thanks for sharing Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman! :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #27

#34
Thanks Franci\ud83d\udc1dEugenia Hoffman. I have to say, I heard of so many kids who my niece met during her time with cancer and becoming a Camp Counselor afterwards, she lost friends. I can't imagine how that affected such a young child. My inspiration comes from her and others. Hugs for you Xo

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #26

Thanks for sharing Donna-Luisa Eversley! :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #25

#31
Hi Donna-Luisa Eversley, thanks and likewise, your stories inspire me too! I'm happy my niece is doing okay too! Everytime she gets sick (to this day) my sister still gets nervous if it's something that seems a bit from the norm, I would too!! I pray it never returns. My sister and I had a great time that day. I still have those sandals, they are my favorite and very comfortable because they have cushioned soles. Thanks Donna!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #24

#29
I honestly don't know if I would have the strength or courage to fight as hard as my sister or niece. It's been said, you never know how you will deal with something unless or until you are faced with it. I can say one thing for sure- all of these serious issues brought us all closer together. I think it really made us realize just how fortunate we are to have a large family who forgives easily and loves unconditionally. We are far from perfect but I love that we can admit that to each other and live in the present! Thanks \ud83d\udc1d Fatima Williams

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #23

Your family and you are fighters Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher Fighters against the odds life throws at us. You guys are an inspiration and I thank you for sharing your journey with them. Life's battles are like waves that keep coming back, we need to learn the art of swimming against those waves and surf above them. Live each day as if it were your last and cherish every person you meet as we know not if we'd meet each again.Some valuable lessons to appreciate each moment we live and to appreciate ourselves. With a beautiful and kind heart such as yours (family) nothing can drown you guys. Stay blessed and wishing you a speedy recovery with your neck pain.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #22

#27
ditto, if I miss something please tag me 😘

🐝 Fatima G. Williams

7 years ago #21

Anything for you :) :)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #20

Thank you for sharing my buzz \ud83d\udc1d Fatima Williams! 😘

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #19

#24
Hi Aleta Curry, thank you for your kind sentiment. I find it easy to be supportive. I've watched so many I love go through so much and all I can think is- what would I want if that were me?! I've always loved being there for others and helping since I was a child. I'm hoping this neck of mine just heals LOL. I try to ignore it but now my husband is begging me to go to the Dr. I don't make a good patient ;-)

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #18

#21
Hi Shelly, thanks for your kind words. I think my entire family has their days where any one of us may complain but it seems each of us find a way of lifting the other up and my mom was also one who never complained. She used to say, "What do I have to complain about, it could be so much worse... " And, then she would speak of someone else who had an illness. I guess she set the tone! It's odd because when we were growing up it wasn't as if we weren't allowed to cry or complain, I think maturation and life just made us look at things differently. I can't imagine being bedridden with MS or any disease and when I hear stories like that I think to myself.. I bet I would feel bad for myself but then, we just never know? That must be tough on Rikki, your neighbor, hopefully she has a great support system?! Hey I love your pic, your rockin it!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #17

#9
Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr, I meant to add that I admire you!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #16

Thank you very much for sharing my buzz debasish majumder!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #15

#17
It sure is a gift, isn't it Aaron Skogen?! Life's events have taught me to seriously appreciate the smallest of things like butterflies, crickets (so relaxing to hear), tree frogs at night- we are lucky enough to be surrounded by the forest so we do hear them, fireflies, feet in the sand... so many things we found magical as children! I love the quote you put up by Richard Bach, perfect!! I feel bad, I forgot to mention my nephew in this. I need to at least add his name to my buzz because this affected him too and he even went to few cancer camps with his sister. Thanks Aaron!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #14

#16
Thank you debasish majumder for taking time to read this story!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #13

Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr, thanks for sharing my buzz. It said 3 others did too but I'm not sure who... at any rate thanks to all!!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #12

#10
Thank you Javier \ud83d\udc1d beBee and best to you and your family too!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #11

#9
Thanks Don \ud83d\udc1d Kerr, your book is so well written, I'm glad I have it :))

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #10

#8
Hi Warren, I had no idea his father was a baseball player and I love the phrase he coined, simple yet powerful! 'You gotta believe," so true, without believing we have no hope!

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #9

#7
So true , thanks!
Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher your contributions are esential ! thank you for writing this. My best wishes goes out to you and your family . many thanks

don kerr

7 years ago #7

Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher I appreciate the shout-out Lisa and admire what you're doing for your family.

Mohammed Abdul Jawad

7 years ago #6

Ah, life is all ups and downs! But, little hopes, little joys and little help keep everyone spirited and caring for each other.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #5

#4
I look back when Jessica was diagnosed and that was tougher than when my mom was. Just a child, so innocent and she went through so much. I think through positive living Jess knew no different than to be a positive person. She's angelic and cares deeply for everyone. Thanks Ali Anani.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #4

#1
For sure Pascal Derrien :)) We are planning a 2 plus week road trip to Colorado in April! Have no clue where we will end up before we actually get out there but as you said, 'one day at a time.'

Ali Anani

7 years ago #3

You touched my heart with Jessica's story Lisa \ud83d\udc1d Gallagher. You wrote with such great passion that I felt the tension in your writing "My sister was in shock but trying hard to hold up for the sake of her daughter" Being placed in such high tensions is a real test of "Jessica was and still is a strong person and I've never heard her talk as if she was a victim". I don't know Jessica, but I love her solidarity.

Lisa Gallagher

7 years ago #2

#2
Nice to see you Michele Williams! I think what we've been through as a family has made us stronger (depending on the day lol) but it sure has brought us closer and I will be forever thankful for that. Thanks and hope you're doing well!!

Pascal Derrien

7 years ago #1

One day at the time indeed .... :-)

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